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 Post subject: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Mon May 18, 2009 10:43 am 
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By popular request, I am posting this graphic and stickying the topic in here so we don't lose sight of the importance of taking accountability for our actions and being sure to focus on our intentions when making our decisions.

Image


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Mon May 18, 2009 5:50 pm 
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Thanks! I've never seen that. I like that. I can print it out...right?


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Mon May 18, 2009 11:10 pm 
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I can't begin to tell you guys how much this graphic helped me out a while back.......I was firmly stuck in 'victim' mode. Now, I feel like I'm in the Accountability loop.....it's a good feeling!

Thanks for posting this Ash.

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:59 am 
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Very very cool. Wish I had this in a poster :) There are so many people who need to see this diagram (me included, thanks!)


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 1:15 pm 
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can someone explain an example of a situation to me. i dont understand the "intention" portion either in a postitive or negative light!


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 3:05 pm 
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I think the simplest way of looking at the intention is to use the "black and white" model we with Borderline know so well.

Suppose someone says to you "Hey, that's an interesting sweater; where did you get it?"

Your intention will drive where things go from there.

Do you intend to make them feel like shit for calling your sweater interesting which is just code for hideous? Do you intend to seek more clarification as to what they find interesting to determine if your initial assessment of "code for hideous" is accurate? Do you intend to accept the words at face value and move on with your life in the absence of drama?

Our intentions shape our interactions with the world around us.

If it is my intention to get through the encounter with a minimum amount of drama, I can recognize that I don't know if there is malice behind the person's words and I can own my uncertainty. I can forgive their selection of verbiage (interesting) and I can look within to see if I'm the one equating interesting with hideous. I can learn to recognize my own transference and take action to prevent such instances from occurring in the future.

Quote:
"Hey, that's an interesting sweater; where did you get it?"

"I got it at Jacobson's department store. Why do you ask?"


On the contrary, if it is my intention to set the world to rights no matter what, I can ignore the possibility that the person may have meant no harm. I can deny any absence of malice and I can blame them for being callous and cruel toward me. I can rationalize that since they harmed me, it's self-defense if I strike back at them. I can resist all protestations of innocence on their part and I can hide from the truth that I cause the bulk of the drama around me.

Quote:
"Hey, that's an interesting sweater; where did you get it?"

"Screw you, jerk. It's not like your fashion choices would win you any awards, loser."


If you (anyone, really) have a real-life situation you'd like to share, I can definitely explore the intention and accountability model more specifically. The sweater example is pretty lame, even if it was included in the book. Heh.

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sun Jul 12, 2009 6:03 pm 
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Hi, I am new on this site and fairly new to going deeper into my understanding of BPD. I don't think the sweater illustration was lame. It helped me. There are times when I DO create the drama around me and later I don't seem to know why. I get overwhelmed by feelings that are very powerful and at times I'm paralyzed and cannot seem to answer a question directly or honestly because I fear losing the relationship. At other times I 'tsunami' the other person out of my fear and anxiety, which elevates tremendously. I had never thought of the moment before drama as a moment of considering my "intentions." Helpful.


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 1:10 am 
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My story's here:
viewtopic.php?f=18&t=12361&p=109708#p109708

I think i'm still stuck in the victim loop, feeling that injustice has been done upon me, great injustice. Feeling that they, the normal people have not managed to embraced me, a person with mental health issues. Feeling that they, the normal people do not have the empathy and the understanding to embrace me.

So I change start with my intention is it?
I guess I'll have to change my intention from:
feeling that great injustice has been done to me
to
looking for the good will in them

Even this is difficult, as I did not get what I want, which was to be embraced by the community, especially after my absence for the Cambodia trip.
Just feel that they do not understand, they do not have the empathy towards a person with mental health issues, they do not understand that I have a need to be embraced by the community.

Intention: that their request for me to step down wasn't one of ill intent
recognize: they said they wanted me to get well, they probably were not lying, they probably meant
what they said
They also probably needed a safe boundary for themselves, as having me in their midst
means they have to learn to cope with me, I guess they just didn't know how to cope with
me.
own: the pain is mine - the pain of feeling excluded from the group, caused by the boundary set by the
group
my expectation that they should embrace a person with mental health issues, in which I was
disappointed
forgive: I need to forgive them for needing to set that boundary for themselves, for the 'safety' of the
group, I need to forgive them for not being able to overcome their own whatever fears / etc in
order to embrace me
self-examine: two mentors, TKC and KKH were on the receiving end of my bpd-insecurityness, perhaps
that's why KKH was the one who suggested to the entire exco that I step down as an exco
member
learn: learn to accept others' boundary for us, even though it hurts. Own up to my own pain and deal
with my own pain, like an adult
radical acceptance - accept that I am a person with bpd
- accept that the borderline behaviour I display DOES affect ppl and forces /
causes them to set boundaries with me for their own safety
take action: 1) accept that I have bpd
2) accept that the bpd / the illness in me causes pain to others
3) accept the fact that a boundary has been set by KKH and the exco
4) own my own pain and not let it affect my daily life
5) work on my borderline issues

this is so hard!


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 7:36 am 
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yeah...it's tough to accept ....but not too hard. if you find something positive to hold on to...it makes it easier. one thing positive to hold on to could be the fact that you're on your way to recovery. things will get better. you just have to keep on this path to recovery and practice acting like the person you want to be....and eventually your "acting" the part will become REAL.

you can do it!!


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 7:43 am 
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meremortal wrote:
My story's here:
viewtopic.php?f=18&t=12361&p=109708#p109708

I think i'm still stuck in the victim loop, feeling that injustice has been done upon me, great injustice. Feeling that they, the normal people have not managed to embraced me, a person with mental health issues. Feeling that they, the normal people do not have the empathy and the understanding to embrace me.


self-examine: two mentors, TKC and KKH were on the receiving end of my bpd-insecurityness, perhaps
that's why KKH was the one who suggested to the entire exco that I step down as an exco
member
learn: learn to accept others' boundary for us, even though it hurts. Own up to my own pain and deal
with my own pain, like an adult
radical acceptance - accept that I am a person with bpd
- accept that the borderline behaviour I display DOES affect ppl and forces /
causes them to set boundaries with me for their own safety
take action: 1) accept that I have bpd
2) accept that the bpd / the illness in me causes pain to others
3) accept the fact that a boundary has been set by KKH and the exco
4) own my own pain and not let it affect my daily life
5) work on my borderline issues

this is so hard!


It IS hard and this is something you are completely in control of and can totally change in your life!!!! WOOT WOOT HAPPY DANCE!!!!!

GOOD JOB HERE!!!!!

Maybe keep working on this with the ten forms of twisted thinking as a guide...or the priorities worksheets from DBT ....

Have you seen the TARA website? It might help get your treatment situation under way...

wooohoooooooooooooo


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:25 am 
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what's the TARA website? Could you give me the link?


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:26 am 
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skiotter: prob is I'm not really sure what kind of person I want to be. Gotta think about that first.


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sat Jan 15, 2011 10:00 pm 
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oh....meremortal...that's understandable!!!! i didn't mean in any specific detailed way...i just meant it as in the general overall "being a good, kind, loving person" which i assumed is the way most people want to be. however, thanks for pointing out that i was making an assumption about that!! :)

i'd say to look into the feelings and moods section of this website. the more you understand that part, the easier it is to begin to control it so that it doesn't affect the others around you.

good luck and keep positive.


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Sun Jan 16, 2011 3:13 am 
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skiotter:

thanks for pointing me to the moods and feelings section, will look into that.

I would say I AM a good, kind and loving person.

I just don't know how to handle / manage my own emotions, and hence that affects how i relate to ppl. But on my own, i AM a good, kind and loving person :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 1:25 am 
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Thank you. This is a handy reminder for a visual learner like me. : )


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Tue Mar 20, 2012 5:56 pm 
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awww, I just love reading ya'll, being able to relate...i don't feel near as alone


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