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Today is a good day for me. I haven't felt negative and I have taken things in my life in stride. I haven't set unobtainable expectations. I have felt clarity all day today. Now what is different about today than any other day? Did I sleep more, NO? Did I do anything differently, NO... I just woke up to clarity. Why can't I keep this everyday? My brain isn't working against itself to tear me down today. Does anyone experience this and how do I keep today from ending???? (Doesn't this sound like a movie or something?? a cross between groundhog day and 50 first dates) ugh!

Thanks for your comments,
Jules

I'm glad for you that you had a day of clarity. I think you have answered your own questions about such though:

Maybe waking up to thoughts that are positive and not setting unobtainable expectations is something that you CAN do everyday. It's all a choice, what we think or do not think about (though sometimes I admit it doesn't seem so), what we do or do not do. You can choose to become more positive, you can choose to set realistic expectations for yourself. This stuff is not out of your control.

In answer to you other question about if others feel this too, the simple answer is yes. On my own personal road to recovery, I would have a sporadic day or three of clarity, then go back to the BPD drama mode. But, as I kept working the tools and actively seeking out those clarity moments (using goal-setting and anything else I could think of).......the days of clarity far outweigh the murky ones.

This stuff takes time to really take hold, IMO. It's no small thing we are asking of ourselves-- changing our own personality and patterns of thought. It does and can happen! Hold on tight to those good days, they will help you get through the more difficult ones.

I hope you are still in a clear frame of mind!

Jules,

I agree with Harmonium....but also have another perspective. So...

My answer to the question is YES! I have experienced that.

What I have discovered over the years has been that my "mood" is highly affected by my diet. I tend to have difficulty being really disciplined re: diet....I've never been overweight....so I eat whatever I want....sometimes forgetting that what I eat really affects me .....a few days later.

So......it is NOT always something that I can control by behavior. I HAVE to take into consideration my dietary balance when trying to figure out why today I'm down and yesterday I was fine....or anxious, or tired, or having difficulty breathing. Often it can be completely turned around for me by taking extra B vitamins, eating garlic, fruit, cutting out sugar and refined foods, increasing or decreasing my coffee for the day or few days....going outside to take in some sun, walking, etc.....(i think you get the picture).

Everyone is unique so I can't tell you what supplements to take, what food to eat or avoid......but it is for you to consider and figure out if your diet affects you too.

that's my I'm happy for you that you had a good day.

I completely agree with your post, skiotter. I think you bring up a very good point that I would like to elaborate upon:

For me, it is about diet and exercise, but also about other personal care routines. I find if I'm treating myself well in terms of allowing 'down' time, saying 'no' when someone asks something of me that I just cannot do (this one is relatively new for me-- I have a hard time saying no even if I'm way to busy to help), taking baths to relax, getting massages regularly (easier for me, I'm in the business, but it helps!), etc., etc....

I guess what I'm saying is I don't believe the body and mind are separate things; they work with each other. When one is functioning optimally, the other tends to do better as well. I find that if I can keep my body in order, my mind is also more clear. It's why I do a lot of breathing exercises and meditation along with other relaxation techniques (and running daily!). As someone with BPD, I feel like these self-care steps may be mandatory for me but for others I realize that they can function quite well without them. I think of it as just something I personally have to do to maintain the clarity of thought and rational behaviour. It works for me, and doesn't seem like a burden. I take care of my body because I'm trying to be my own best friend.....I would take care of another in the same way (and do in my line of work). Expressions of self-love are a great step to self-confidence for me.

It also helps boost my confidence and helps me push the limits on what I can and want to do. If I'm down on myself, then go for a run, maybe beating my time for the previous day's run-- well, that makes me feel pretty good about myself.

I also believe that our bodies can give us clues to what's really going on emotionally (something sometimes difficult for those of us with BPD). As in....when I notice I'm clenching my jaw, I can infer that maybe I have something I need to say/get out that I haven't; that I'm repressing some anger or other strong emotion. When I find my stomach muscles tight, it's usually signals to me that I'm afraid of something-- fear. When my shoulders get tight, I might be assuming responsibility for things that are not 'my stuff'. Or over-obsessing about something already done (that I can therefore not change and really have no reason to worry anymore). It's like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders, as it were-- not good for healthy, happy living. Relaxing the tension in these areas somehow helps the problem that caused them-- or directly addressing the problem, that works too. The list of body/mind correlations for me goes on and on, but my point is if one can get to know their body and ascertain it's clues, it helps with the emotional stuff.

Being able (through trial and error-learning how) to use both the cognitive tools along with the physical tools really has made this whole process much easier to understand and deal with for me.

Thanks so much for your comments. I have continued to feel better for some strange reason. Not sure that it has anything to do with my diet and such but I am trying to stay more aware of things. Not that I need to be a control freak but I think it would be best for me to micromanage things that happen in my mind. I do so appreicate your comments on clenching your teeth and such I experience that and being aware of where that might be coming from could be very useful! I do like the idea of running. I used to do that years ago and I really enjoyed it. I'll let you know if I try it and how it goes.

Again, thank you for your comments and the support. I really can't stand to feel like I'm struggling all the time and since I've posted here I've certainly felt better.

Jules