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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:08 pm 
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Own ---> forgive

Herein lies my problem

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:21 pm 
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Sarah, if you are owning but not yet ready to forgive.......can't you just go on to the other steps (you don't have to go in order or anything, that I'm aware of anyway)? By completing these, maybe you will be in a different place?

I suppose it matters if it is yourself you cannot forgive. Just some thoughts.

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:54 am 
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For me.....as I read it.....you have to do each step in order. If you miss a step you really aren't ready for the next one.....

Forgiveness is a huge step and a very important one as far as I have experienced. I think it is hard.......before you actually learn how to do it. I think learning how to do it takes time (if you're new to the concept) and patience. I think it is OK to be stuck at that step and really great that you have recognized that "herein lies the problem" for you, Sarah.

As I understand it.....owning it means taking responsibility....completely. That is hard to do. You have to learn not to blame others. Then you have to say and accept that "whatever it is" is YOURs. This allows you take CONTROL and begin to make sense of things.

However, if you don't follow that up with forgiveness.....which I read as "letting it go" you run the risk of becoming "guilty" or at least feeling "guilty".....and guilt is really a useless, harmful feeling that cannot take most people to good places (happy healthy living). So, you have to forgive...completely and fully.

Good for you Sarah....you realized where you are stuck. That is the first step. I know you can take it further........keep in touch.


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:24 pm 
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Well, I personally think that, seeing as I do get stuck on the forgiveness one, it would be a right shame for that to inhibit self-examination and learning. It does however prevent me from taking a course of action that I'm happy with.

I suppose one aspect of it is to recognise and own my inability to forgive my parents, and so forgive myself for this limitation and at least examine that, learn from and take action on that. This applies well when my "intention" is to forgive. Certainly better than taking the victim loop on it, ie: I blame my parents for my inability to forgive them. And quite frankly, forgiving myself for being XYZ is often a great challenge, so I can at least address that. I think that makes way for a greater sense of ownership and forgiveness of others.

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 5:26 pm 
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One other thing Skiotter, you can't force something like this. I've forgiven my parents many many times, only to find that there was residual blame and anger.

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 9:32 pm 
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I agree, Sarah. It can't be forced. I do believe however, that it is worth waiting for and worth trying really hard to work on. It has taken me years to forgive my parents......mostly I was able to do that with my T......

I also agree that spiralling through the stages is very helpful.....and maybe each time around you'll learn a little more about each part.....maybe you'll find your ability to forgive will get bigger and bigger each time. So maybe now you just need to try to forgive.....next time take it a little deeper....etc....

i know you're also into your church too....right? I think that would be a great place to talk about this.

good luck!


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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 12:08 am 
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No Skiotter - I'm an atheist.

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 1:49 am 
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This has become something about me so would an SCL mind splitting this thread from the point where I posted please? I don't seem to have that capability. Thanks!

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 Post subject: Re: The Personal Accountability Model
PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 8:05 pm 
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Quote:
Well, I personally think that, seeing as I do get stuck on the forgiveness one, it would be a right shame for that to inhibit self-examination and learning. It does however prevent me from taking a course of action that I'm happy with.

I suppose one aspect of it is to recognise and own my inability to forgive my parents, and so forgive myself for this limitation and at least examine that, learn from and take action on that. This applies well when my "intention" is to forgive. Certainly better than taking the victim loop on it, ie: I blame my parents for my inability to forgive them. And quite frankly, forgiving myself for being XYZ is often a great challenge, so I can at least address that. I think that makes way for a greater sense of ownership and forgiveness of others.

I like your thinking on this and to me, it sure sounds like you are on a good track. Keep up the good work! :biggrin

I got stuck in the same place you are, fwiw. I couldn't yet forgive (especially myself) but I went on with the self-examination and learning. It helped me get to a place where real, deep and complete forgiveness was finally possible. I hope you find the same to be true for you!

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"Pain is resistance to change."
--Ida Rolf

BRING IT ON!! -- personal mantra


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