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I'm having a serious case of the "f-it's" tonight. I want to say "f-you" to my sobriety. My mind is moving so fast right now. I was driving and I wanted to ram my car into something. You know when your mind is moving at like 100 miles per hour and you want to do something..anything to get it to shut up? I just feel so alone right now. I want to buy a pint of vodka just to slow my head down..even if just a little. It's been a while since I've been this upset so it's a little scary. I'm not suicidal or anything..I just really want to hurt myself. To get me grounded in the present. I've been reading and reading and reading about radical acceptance but I'm still not accepting a situation. I feel like I'm holding up the world by myself. That I'm all alone and no one cares at all. I'm trying to be okay with my aloneness. I haven't done anything to call attention to myself. I'm so sick of pretending everything's okay. I'm so sick about caring about everyone and no one caring about me. I'm so sick of giving and giving and giving. I'm worn out. I wish I could be honest with people. I wish I could tell people how I'm really feeling as opposed to what they want to hear. I don't know how to slow my mind down. I feel like banging my head on the wall. There's no one I can call because I don't want anyone to see me like this. I'm really trying to breath and calm myself down but it's not working. I'm so alone. I feel so very alone. Argh...

Ibcgal, I understand, REALLY. I was probably in your shoes just yesterday.

The first thing I do when I'm feeling like you are is I go through my list of distraction techniques. Though it only works very briefly, it does work for that 2 seconds. And for those 2 seconds, I'm not in pain, so it's worth it. Here are some of the things I do:
1) squeeze ice really hard
2) write down all my negative feelings and erase them hard
3) draw an image of my feelings, then tear it to pieces
4) drink lemon juice/use listerine for as long as I can
5) go for a run (that might be important for you - you sound as though you have a lot of negative energy towards yourself that might could be taken out through vigorous exercise)
And others. I don't want to bore you with my silly list, but maybe it'll help (?)
But you also sound like you're feeling very down about yourself right now. You sound like you've been so involved with taking care of other people, that you've completely forgotten about you. Try to do some self soothing exercises like taking a hot bubble bath, curling up in bed with a good book, eating some fancy chocolate, dressing up and putting on makeup (to go nowhere, just to look beautiful), or others. Just relax and treat yourself for the night (maybe after you've burned off some of that negative energy). Call a friend, find a cat and curl up and cry with it a little.
I know the desire to hurt yourself. I struggle struggle, STRUGGLE with this, and while I don't have any advice to offer yet, I'm working on finding the solution to that particular flaw in my coping skills set. That doesn't help you though. The only other thing I would suggest is to get really mindful using your senses. Use touch. Touch the chair you're sitting on: what does it feel like? Touch the floor: what does it feel like? Describe each in detail then compare them to eachother. Then before you know it, you were thinking about touch rather than your pain and it was worth it for those brief minutes you spent.
The last thing, and my favorite, is use humor!!! Go find an SNL skit online that you like, watch it over and over and over and just laugh until you can't breathe! Watch a funny movie. Find a name that's funny (my favorites are Delores Blersh or Tequila Tut) and say it to yourself outloud. Find anything that will make you laugh, just so for a few minutes you are laughing and aren't crying or screaming. It's so important.
Lastly (and it may not matter to you, I don't know your religious background), but I will keep you in my prayers, Ibcgal. My thoughts are with you. I think you can get through this and conquer the beast. (((ibcgal)))

Best, and Love,
Merry

Thanks, Merry. I appeciate it. I'm okay now. Still sad but I'll get over it.

I hate it when I get like that. That's my cycle, though. I stuff things in until I implode. Is that a word? LOL..anyway..I'm feeling better..just reading through some other posts on this board and getting some insight from them.

Good! That's great!

I could have written your post myself. Seriously. So what ended up working for you? I tend to do the distraction list as well, which tends to work if I have high distractions on there. For instance, the last time I felt like that I hit home plate with a woofle ball as hard as I could. (there is a baseball field right across from my apartment) I probably looked a little nuts but it did really help and it was much less destructive than what I wanted to do which of course was cut cut and cut.

The other thing which helps me sometimes is to give yourself permission to just cry. It sucks going through it but usually the next day I feel so much better.