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I had to put down my cat this morning.

For the last week or so, she's had extremely labored breathing. She had not eaten in a few days and took no water at all in the last 1 or 2.

The vet said she was a very sick kitty. He said that even if my funds were limitless, chances are the treatment alone may kill her because of her weakened condition, and it was likely fruitless. Euthanization was the most humane thing I can do. She was hurting very much, she cried and made horrible guttural sounds just from the stress moving around put on her.

I feel incredibly guilty. I didn't want her to suffer at all and I based my choice to euthanize her on that. But now I am thinking, should I have tried? Was I being selfish because I knew I couldn't afford treatment, and it would likely leave me broke or in the hole? I feel terrible. Like I'm saying she's not worth my money(even though I know I'm not...But my animals feel like my children).

She looked so incredibly peaceful when she got the injection. I sat with her through it. She looked like HER again, not that horrible, strained pained look she had. That made me feel better, to know she wasn't hurting.

I know in my heart I did what was best for her but I feel like if money wasn't an object I MIGHT have tried. But it is, plain old reality...It is an object. I feel so bad, like I didn't do enough. I also know I can't 'what if' this because the choice was made and it is done. And the most important thing is that she's not in any pain now. It killed me to watch her hurting, it gave me my first panic attack in years. I went with the advice of the veterinarian and my own feelings.

Is this guilt relatively...'normal'? I didn't feel this with my dog. But she was very old, way beyond her life expectancy, and there were really no options for her.

It is totally normal to feel guilty for having to choose life or death. I feel that in the end, we somewhat regret the choice, no matter which we chose. I had to put my cat down at age 23 last year, and it broke my heart. She had no problems internally, bowels were okay, she just got lethargic and stopped eating. Three days went by without her eating a thing and I took her to the vet (she drank water only). The vet said she was the oldest cat he'd ever seen and that SHE may be choosing to go. He said he could give her food intravenously, and run some tests, so I went for it. It turned out she had a stomach tumour that he said he could remove, but the operation may kill her at her age. Even if it didn't, her recovery would be a very long one and may kill her too. He was the kindest man ever. He put his arm around me and said, "This is your family, 23 years makes anyone family. This is your child. You know what you are willing to put her through and what you aren't. You are her voice and have been her whole life. You need to decide what's best for her through the eyes of a mother."
I completely broke down and he let me cry for a little while, then asked what I want for her. I told him peace. In retrospect, she probably could have made it through all of the surgery and recovery (she'd been through a lot and always came through), but after much reflection I know that the pain she would have endured at her age, would not have been fair.
I KNOW you made the right decision. Remember that at least one person out there is backing you girl. It's never fun being in that position, but knowing you saved them a lot of pain and suffering will subdue your guilt over time. On the chance that she still wouldn't have made it, and the pain she would have went through, I think considering all things in this situation, you did the right thing.
If you find you are overrun with guilt, make a list of the reasons why you felt you did the right thing. Put down any things that helped you make that decision. And when you feel guilty again, refer to it. Keep a picture of her around your house and the list close by.

Many condolences and warm hugs of comfort,

Keeks

Hi Keeks,

Thank you... I think my baby was choosing to go, too. It's kind of like people. They tend to shut their bodies down when it's their time. The vet(he was such a kind man, too) gave her a general anesthetic prior to the injection, so it was more peaceful. She was basically gone from the anesthetic. Her heart was just ticking once every great while, she was that weak. So that sort of goes to show me that treatment likely would have been painful and hard for her, and perhaps selfish of me to put her through that.

I miss her terribly. She was my buddy. I adopted her as an adult cat when I was 18 and she went through all my crazy BS and my good stuff with me. She was always so mild-mannered and relaxed, the kind of cat who examines the lint in her belly button. Very well-suited to my hyperactive self. She was not the pull-through kinda kitty. If she was a human being, she'd be like give me some pain pills and knock me out, woman.

Thank you for your suggestions and warm words, Keeks. And wow, 23 years old! What an old lady! She clearly got to live a long and wonderful life, I bet she was choosing her time as well. I know I will feel better, and the guilt will subside. I know she's so much better off. I think it's just hard to tell because animals can't verbalize their pain. They can cry and look pained but you never know JUST how bad it is, they can't tell you.

Thanks again.

Miyasa, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. I think the guilt is completely normal. We are responsible for the care of our pets so when we have to make the decision to let them go we feel responsible for that too.

I went through something similar with one of my cats a few months ago. It was awful and it was made worse because my kids were there. I was plagued with "if only I had........" for a long time. But, in retrospect, I did the right thing. It sounds like your cat was doing what mine did: body system shutting down. Once that happens they start poisoning their own system and there is very little chance of saving them. You are just prolonging the agony they are in. So, if you HAD tried to save her chances are you would have made her suffer more, ended up with a big vet bill and still lost her. You would have surely felt guilty over that too. I had a dog once that was attacked by another dog and torn up horribly. We went the "save" route and bought her about 2-1/2 more weeks of pain (both from her injuries and from our treatment in trying to help her). Of course she died anyway. I felt really bad that I put her through all of that for nothing.

You did the right thing. You have wonderful memories of your baby and I am certain she had a wonderful life with you.

((((miyasa))) I'm so so sorry you had to put down your kitty. I had to do that several years ago when my cat ate a bunch of paint chips that came off the radiator and I know how hard it is. I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that your cat won't hurt anymore.

(((miyasa))) Sending you lots of hugs

((((Miyasa)))

I really feel for you on this one; my beloved cat was euthanized on Monday. It IS soooooo difficult, but I take solace in the thought that what I did was the best thing I could do by him at the time. I know what you mean about the guilt......but remember, guilt is one of the Stages of Grief. We all go through it and like GI Joe says, knowing is half the battle. My thoughts are with you-- I know first-hand how difficult this time can be. You will get through it, however, and something tells me you did the best thing by your kitty too. One day that knowledge will probably provide you with a sense of peace about your cat and the decisions you made.

Remember too, that all we can ask of ourselves is to do our best at any given time with the knowledge at hand. You did that. It's okay to grieve (necessary to get by, in fact).

My sympathies to you!

Thank you all

(((((Harmonium))))), I was thinking about how you were doing. I remembered your post on the way home. I'm glad you are feeling at peace with it. It IS the best thing we could have done for them(I know that too, underneath all this). I am feeling a bit better now in terms of the guilt, I wrote that post when I first came home. Thank you all so much.

(((Miyasa)))

It's hard for me to add more to what everyone else has already said, but with five furry babies of my own and the attendant fear of their death that will always go with my love for them, I deeply empathize with your pain. One of my cats died when I was twelve (hit by a car), and the grief and shock threw me into a psychotic episode that lasted, on and off, for many years. I'm glad that your guilt has eased - that will ease some of the pain. Have you thought about getting another kitten?

Hi mbowden,

No, I haven't thought about getting another kitty. I already have 2 dogs and admittedly they're more than a handful. Not only that, but getting another cat so soon I feel would just be filling up the void that my baby left, as though I was trying to replace her. If I DO get another, it won't be for awhile. Also, my dogs are little monsters. So I'd have to find a pretty tolerant cat!

Hi Miyasa.....

It is an awful feeling to let them go. It sounds to me like you gave your cat the best gift of all....lasting peace. As I see it you were completely selfless because you were willing to let him go.