BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Phew! I am flat worn out and haven't even gotten to the "diagnosis" part of it yet. It is very, very hard to tell strangers the things you have done and what happened to lead you to seek help. I spent 6 hours on the phone looking for help because I have no insurance and had to tell this to countless receptionists. I finally found a program that provides alcohol and mental help on a voucher program. I had to talk to 2 people during that assessment and even had to discuss my sex life . They determined I needed help then referred me to an actual treatment center. Okee dokee.

I go to my appointment there and go through a 1 hr assessment with someone that doesn't tell me she isn't my therapist until after it is over. So I spilled my guts to another person that won't be part of my treatment. They don't have a psychiatrist at this facility so I had to go to a different center for that. I will have to see yet another therapist there and spill yet again so I can get meds. I'm still waiting for them to call for that appointment.

I put my 8 yr old son in therapy to help him deal with everything that has happened the last few months. He hasn't been coping with it too well. I had to tell HIS therapist what I had done and what he had seen and been exposed to. (She was very sweet to tell me meds and therapy don't help BPD. According to her the only thing that might be helpful is DBT and that is marginal. Ugh.)

Today I have my first appointment with my actual therapist (the one I think I get to keep). I knew treatment was going to be a lot of hard work, but I had no idea just getting TO the help was going to be so hard and that I was going to have to share my issues with so many people! Whew! I need a vacation.

Rant over.

Wow...I got tired just reading about it! Good for you for persisting. And welcome to BPDrecovery

Meds don't get rid of BPD, but for some people here, they have been a very helpful part of the recovery process. Not everyone needs them. Not everyone who tries them finds a med that helps without detrimental side effects. But they do help for a significant number of people. I'm all for trying to do without meds if possible. But to say meds don't help just isn't right.

As for therapy, DBT is a type of therapy. That's what the T stands for. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. And DBT is I believe a pretty standard and respected therapy for BPD, and has worked quite well for a lot of people.

I think a big issue is, with BPD, a person has to really want to get better, and do the work. And therapists deal not just with people who are ready to do the work to get better, but also those who are pressured into seeing a therapist, or who are just looking for nurturing and not ready for self help. Which can make it look to the therapists like BPD is incurable. No, the therapists and doctors can't cure BPD. But, if they'd stop trying to cure people and instead help people heal themselves, they'd get farther, and see that wanting to get better, and being willing to work at it makes a difference. Hopefully your therapist will be of that mindset.

Oh, and just like self-help is important within therapy for BPD, it can also be done outside of therapy. That's part a good portion of what this board is about. Helping each other learn skills and tools to help us with life and being human.

I totally disagree with that therapist's statement. I've met loads of people with BPD, both here and elsewhere, who've been helped tremendously by therapy... and not just DBT either. As Ellen says, you have to be ready, and it can take people a long time to reach that point, but it sooo is possible. I think it's also important to find a T who's experienced in treating either BPD or your particular set of issues.

Meds IMO are a smaller part of the picture but they can really help with some of the symptoms, as well as with any other problems you have alongside the BPD.

Yes, it is exhausting having to talk to that many people about your issues! I'm going through something similar at the moment as I've had a relapse of depression and am trying to find the right people to treat it. You're doing great though, keep up the good work, and welcome to BPDR!

Well, I love my new therapist. She understood everything I was trying to say. In some cases she was able to help me clarify or define what I meant. She said I was very in-tune and insightful on what was going on with me. I explained that I had had a lot of time to reflect and mull it over while going through the hoops to get to her. That and I have been practicing this therapy thing with my best friend and sisters (being able to open up and discuss the hard things with others) and had gotten some great feedback from them to think about.

Honestly, it also helped to read postings here on the board. It fascinates me to see other people think/feel/react just like me. Most of you are further on the road of recovery than I am so it is soooo helpful to see the reasoning behind the reaction and then the steps taken/necessary to deal with it. My therapist thinks I'm well on my way to helping myself and is very clear that I am there of my own free will and have worked my fanny off to get there. She knows I am ready to do the work, to be open and honest with her and to engage with her (I asked her "why" questions back in order to better understand what she was trying to tell me).

As for the meds, I'm hoping to give them a try. I'm hoping they will help me to be able to feel the full range of emotions that people are supposed to feel. Right now my scope is: irritation, anger, rage or nothing. Pleasure to me is just lack of irritation.......which is nothing. I laugh when it is expected but there is no emotion behind it. The tools here have helped me in reaction, but not in what I feel in the first place. Does that make sense?

In my son's therapists defense, she specializes in children and children are not diagnosed with BPD. However, she needs to get with the program because we learned during his assessment that he is on his way to becoming a cutter. He gets frustrated with his sister and holds a knife to himself and has actually cut his finger with a knife on purpose. I gave permission for my therapist to share my information with her to aid in his therapy and understanding him. He and I are going to go through this process of healing and re-learning together.

Can anyone recommend a book, tools or anything to assist in parenting skills when you have BPD? Kids don't give you the time to work through your emotion and find the correct reaction. I am doing to my kids what my mom did to me and that's the last thing I want. I don't have the patience or skills to interact with my kids the way all of the parenting sites recommend. How do you cope with your kids pushing your buttons continuously without giving you a chance to back up and reset?

It's tough!

You kind of have to make your own chance ... it's better for everybody to have a time out to calm down and regroup, than to do or say something you'll regret.

There are various kinds of "parent training" available too ... regarding one of my children, I went through a fairly new "therapy" called PMTO that I found useful.

It wasn't a panacea, but I liked how comprehensive and structured it was. It gave me some good ideas.

It's hard to describe ... theoretically it was "therapy" for one of our children (who is on meds which suggest bipolar, but we have never been given a firm diagnosis), but most of it was actually training for the parent(s).

The therapist met with me and our child, we went over parenting in general (positive reinforcement, etc.), identified problem behaviors, planned ways to handle the behaviors, and rehearsed how to handle them. It involved meeting once or twice a week with the therapist over several months, again mostly without the child present.

I wonder if anything like that is available in your area?

For what it's worth, I'm glad you stuck it out and made it to the therapist after so many obstacles. I think your determination speaks volumes to the potential you have for recovery. Many people would have given up a fraction of the way into the path you took. They would have sulked and angrily blamed the world that they're so screwed up, that the system is broken, that it's someone else's fault that they are the way they are.

That you've already moved beyond all that and have your eyes firmly locked on the goal of recovery speaks to your determination to get there, reglardless of challenges or obstacles that may crop up along the way.

I hope you're as proud of yourself as I / we are of you!

ditto ^^^^

They say one of the biggest things that suggests potential for recovery from BPD or any other MHI is desire/willingness on the patient's end. You've got it, keep it up!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I really needed to hear that. I am proud of myself which is something I haven't felt in a very long time. It helps keep me motivated (a positive motivation as opposed to a negative one). My husband only tells me he is proud of me if I specifically ask him if he is, so it is very nice to hear it from someone else.



I know there is a light somewhere at the end of this tunnel I'm in and I can't wait to see it.