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Has anyone else here(those that are here because they have BPD) had a friendship or romantic relationship with another person afflicted with a personality disorder?

I myself had a several year relationship with a man who also had BPD aand was not diagnosed as but met some of the criteria of APD(Avoidant Personality Disorder). At the time I was seeking therapy but not very emotionally healthy. He was not seeking help at all. This relationship had an enormous impact on me. In many ways I am still not "over" what has happened. I've discovered my role but I am still left with so many questions. I know I will not get the answers for why he did what he did from him or anyone else, and I will never, ever get any sort of closure from him. He has written me out of his life and that is that. I am having a very difficult time creating my own closure. I know I will never go back to this man. I know that if I heard from him right now, it would turn my life upside down for awhile. I am grateful for the fact that he cut me off, in some ways - I do not know how I'd respond to him.

I just want to know if anyone else out there has gone through something similar. I feel sort of alone in this aspect. I have a hard time conveying to others what it is like to be involved in someone that was so much like myself(yet also be totally unable to explain 95% of it) Also, many folks tend to think I am exaggerating what happened and that it wasn't 'reality', because of my BPD. It's very frustrating.

Well, I have never been in a romantic relationship with some one who had a personality disorder, but I do have at least one friend who is also diagnosed BPD and my father certainly exhibits signs of being borderline (although that is purely my observation and not based on any facts). And with those two people, I do find that we have a lot of common ground and tend to think the same way and oftentimes do things the same way. So when my father for example does something that appears characteristically "borderline" to me, I can kind of look at it and say "wow, is that what I am doing?" and it helps me to recognize it as something that I want to change in myself. When my friend who is borderline hits a road block in her life, I feel that I can speak from experience and help her to get past that road block, and I also get sort of a glimpse of how I must appear to others when I hit my own road blocks. So overall, knowing other people who are diagnosed BPD is a great learning experience for me. So far, I have not found it any more "difficult" to interact with these people. So, in other words, seeing these reflections of myself in them has not made it harder for me to have relationships with them, nor have I internalized my feelings about them and their struggles to make me feel any worse about myself. I figure we can only benefit from seeing ourselves from the "outside."
Why? Because you related to him on a deeper level because he was also diagnosed with BPD? If so, would you benefit from reviewing Separation of Stuff? http://www.bpdrecovery.com/modules.php? ... age&pid=35
I don't remember exactly how the saying goes, but something about people leaving footprints on your soul... well people come in and out of our lives. Some stick around longer than others. Some make bigger impacts on our lives than others. Some leave bigger footprints - reminders - of our experiences with them. Maybe your ex is just one of those who left a big footprint. However, let me remind you that you did say So why waste your energy dwelling on him?
Now, this part: is very interesting to me. Are you saying maybe people - outside of the relationship, outside of this board - thought your perceptions of what happened were skewed by BPD? So maybe you said "he kicked me out" but really people think he said he needed space and you took that to mean that he was kicking you out? Like people thought you were twisting things in your head? I don't know about that because you already mentioned that you were working on your BPD and he wasn't - and you were aware of his condition too - so it doesn't sound like you were at all confused about what was really going on.

NaM,

Thanks for reminding me of "Separation of Stuff". I do think that a lot of my emotions got tangled in with what I THINK he felt(and because of us both having a personality disorder, in the back of my mind I assumed that we would feel the same way). For example, I have plenty of difficulty writing someone out of my life, unless I absolutely despise them. I ASSUMED that the only reason he might have written me off is because he felt the same way. Some people just deal with things differently. I can understand that in most of my friendships and relationships but I suppose I made an exception with this one given the circumstances.

Obviously we aren't the same. What a huge and tough pill for me to swallow. I think realizing that is letting go of a lot of the notions that I already have in my mind...The understanding that I've already tried to come to. I really don't have much at all, when I think about it. I think that drives me nuts. It's one of those things I have such difficulty 'letting go of'.

Your example was pretty much dead on, yes. I know it should not matter to me because people will think what they want, but it hurts and sucks to be feel invalidated. The one person who KNOWS the reality of the situation will not give me closure...So I am left to my own accord, and my mind runs rampant. I go back and blame myself a lot. Even things I am confident of, I might turn back and say "Well...Maybe he DIDN'T kick me out...Maybe he wanted space". But the truth of the matter is, he kicked me out. He took my key, told me this wasn't my home anymore, took me to a hotel. He did try to take it back on the drive there, and maybe that's where it begins to 'blur' for me. Because I didn't say it was ok, I didn't give it another shot, I just went home. Later on when we got in touch again, he began to blame me for leaving him, saying I could have stayed but CHOSE to leave: He chose to tell me to go. He chose to not only tell me to go, but to be forceful about it. I chose to leave, instead of fighting with him or begging him, which may/may have not resulted in me getting my key back. That has been difficult to accept. I began to feel like I abandoned him, when I sought outside validation it was denied.

At the very least, this can teach me to be more confident and sure of my choices, thoughts and decisions. Rough, though...Pretty rough.

My partner and I are both borderline - fun times! we are now both in DBT and actively working on our stuff - but there was a time when I was the only diagnosed borderline and it was hard dealing with someone who was struggling so much yet not in recovery yet. I knew the only way we could survive was if she took ownership of her issues and started working on them - which she has and we are now doing a lot better. But I can certainly understand how challenging it would be if someone did not work on their issues. It is overwhelming enough having a personality disorder and deal with our own issues and pain - without someone else dealing with serious issues in the relationship.

My partner has bipolar II with BPD traits and I have recurrent depression, recovered from BPD traits. It's challenging. I plan to post more about it in a few weeks, when the dreaded dissertation is out of the way!

For sure, nicktoriee. It's essentially impossible to have any kind of relationship when someone doesn't want to change or improve their life. It'll last for awhile but it's bound to fizzle. I'm glad your partner was able to take ownership of her problems and role. I am sad for my ex that he hasn't been able to do that. I do care about him, and I'd like to know he is living a fuller, richer life one day.

Echoes, I'm interested in hearing how you two manage your relationship. It sounds very challenging, indeed.