BPDRecovery.com: Forums

Well, I have been reading the WFS message boards all day today and I posted about my "relapse" as they call it. I got some really great responses. My plan for right now is to go to the meeting tomorrow night and 'fess up to what happened and hopefully they will have some ideas for sticking with the program. The folks on the message board also said And others have also told me it is probably a good idea to just not go places where alcohol will be served, at least until I have a better handle on sobriety. So for now, that is what I am doing. And re-reading the WFS materials and just putting the past behind me...

(((NAM)))

I'm sorry you had a relapse, but it sounds as though you learned from it, which is great. To some extent, that's what recovery is all about.

How are you doing now?

Hi Echoes,
Well I have faced some challenges lately and pulled through alright. I think my resolve is strong and that is all that matters. I have come to learn that I will not be perfect and there will be stumbles along the way, but as long as I keep working toward improving myself and my life, then I am doing alright!! I am no longer counting the "days" of recovery. I am measuring my success based on the actual changes I am making - in my thinking and my behaviors. I am learning to recognize what triggers me to drink, why I wanted to drink before, what I got out of it and to challenge those ingrained behaviors, reactions and thoughts. I am more aware of myself and my thoughts, feelings and responses to those thoughts and feelings. I will have the thought "I want a drink right now" and I will actually ask myself "WHY?" And then when I answer that question I ask myself "well, isn't there something else you could do besides drink?" AH HA!!! haha it is helping! For sure. I am going through a rough time right now - my Mom is sick, my financial situation is dreadful, I am in constant pain from carpal tunnel syndrome and now a tooth which needs a root canal that I cannot afford, I am looking for a second job and re-evaluating the viability of my current job, I am re-evaluating my whole life and everyone and everything in it... but I am not leaning on alcohol as a crutch. So I am happy to be trying out new coping skills and learning about myself.
Thanks for checking up on me!!!
-NAM

PS - I notice your signature line says "an old user with a new name" - can I ask what your "old" name was? I have been on the board for like 2 years so I may already "know" you.

(that was supposed to be "no longer counting the days of sobriety, not recovery!) duh

Sounds like you are back on track, NAM. Congrats!

I really like this part:

Powerful stuff in there!

P.S. I have quite a bit of success with carpal tunnel in my massage practice. You might want to seek out an LMT trained in myofacial release and neuromuscular feedback-- it can help.

Hi NAM.....I'm sorry I've been "gone" through all of this...........a lot has been going on for you!!

I"m happy to hear it though....even though you did have a relapse. Somehow I think I'd just think you were lying aobut it if you didn't have a relapse. I'm trying to say that it seems like most people DO relapse while recovering....it doesn't change the fact that they are still IN RECOVERY. Please keep that in mind. Don't give up.

I want to make one comment on the drunk driving too......please remember that the minute you get behind the wheel under the influence you are choosing to be a murderer. Maybe it sounds dramatic......but I lost 2 friends in Jr. High to drinking and driving........and my entire High School class NEVER forgot that lesson. Also......one of my friends' mother was hit by a drunk driver. He died. She was put in a wheel chair for the rest of her life. My friend lost the mother she allways new.....and had to adjust to a different life.....at age 10. Maybe you'll say you've heard those stories and yadda yadda yadda..............but I say this to you not because I would judge you....rather because I would want you to keep in mind that your actions don't only affect you.........and as far as I can tell you are a sensitive and kind person. I wouln't want you to hav e to live with the guilt and shame of killing or maiming another just because you decided to drink and drive.

Back to you..........it is going to be hard to stay sober unless you get into a support group locally. I think you might be able to do it......others have........but for more certain success i think it's important to have people in your life who you can see and talk to on a daily basis for as long as the recovery takes daily work.

all my best to you and happiness that you've begun to seel how destructive you've been with yourself. You know you can handle this............i am here for you.....on-line...........

(((Skio))) hey girl! Thanks for posting!
I appreciate the support - especially at such a time of turmoil for me. Things are starting to settle down a little bit. I have "fallen off the wagon" a few times now so I am trying to measure my success based more on the mental and behavioral adjustments I have made. If I think of my goal of sobriety just in terms of not drinking at all, I will consider myself a failure because I have had a few drinks in the past couple of weeks. So instead, I am focusing on the fact that each time I did drink, I thought it through and limited myself (well with the exception of my first relapse) and went right back to sobriety the next day. So I am trying not to be too hard on myself and black/white with this. I am making progress and making necessary changes in my life and as long as I am doing the work, I will consider myself successful.
Thank you for sharing such personal and painful stories. You are right - I do feel tremendous guilt every time I get behind the wheel drunk and I can't imagine what it would do to me if I actually hurt or killed someone else.
As for a support group, I am attending WFS (Women for Sobriety) meetings every Tues. night and posting to their MSN and AOL message boards. I have also told a few people - but not all - in my life that I quit drinking. So yeah I am building my support system. I will also keep updating this thread and am very happy to have you all there for me!!
NAM

I passed some important "tests" lately... If I were counting my days of sobriety, this would be day 8.
I went to a BBQ at my sister's house - wine and beer were abundant - and did not drink. I brought stuff to make shirley temples for myself. Then later that night, there were only 5 of us left and the other four all decided to do a shot and I just sat, empty-handed on the couch while they did shots around me. Then today I was going to a movie with my sister and she and her friend were having a beer before the movie, so I walked into the bar to meet them, sat right at the bar and said "No, I'm fine" when the bartender asked me if I wanted a drink. I really don't want it at all right now. I feel so peaceful right now. Alcohol is a poison and it is taking my Mother's life away from her and I just don't have any interest in poisoning myself like that any more. I feel perfectly fine saying "no thanks - I don't drink".

Good for you.