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 Post subject: an old friend died over the weekend
PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 6:54 pm 
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I have a lot of different emotions running through me - sadness, anxiety, stressed out and probably several others that I can't recognize right now.

My friend is begging me to come home for the funeral, even offering to pay for some of it. I agreed and have been running around all day today trying to make the arrangements work with work, and time off, etc. I'm trying to process as well as deal with travel arrangements as well as dealing with work and just life.

I'm not sure I've even dealt with the question of whether I even want to attend. Part of me does and part of me is afraid of how painful it will be.

Any suggestions for dbt skills or other skills would be helpful here. I guess I'm feeling anxious, sad, in shock, ???

Thanks

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 Post subject: Re: an old friend died over the weekend
PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 9:50 am 
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It's hard to process everything at once. My thoughts/suggestions are that you tackle things one at a time. Deal with getting the time off and preparing for travel. You'll have plenty of time to grieve the actual loss once you get your ducks in a row. An important thing when dealing with loss is to let your emotions happen and try to keep in mind that you're processing something that you cannot control.

You've essentially committed to attending the services. You're going for your friend more than for yourself. It's a time to support this person in a time of great loss.

One breath at a time.


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 Post subject: Re: an old friend died over the weekend
PostPosted: Tue Sep 22, 2009 9:24 pm 
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Thanks for your response.

I just went through all my photos to find pics of him for the slideshow they are having at the service. It saddened me, which is normal I know. You are right, if I think of everything, I feel ovewhelmed. It has helped to do one thing at at time.

I feel guilty because my friend keeps calling every day and sometimes I don't want to talk to her because I'm feeling the need for self care, for time to process myself and be okay with it.

They are thrwoing a big party after the service, a "celebration of life" which includes free beer and pizza. On one hand, I kind of like that idea because Rexxy was a partier and I think he truly would want us all to live it up and not be mournful and somber. On the other hand, throwing a party seems wrong somehow, like I feel guilty for enjoying myself when my friend just died.

I need to keep myself in control. This is when, the most, I need to be using skills and plans and I'm scared I'm going to forget the skills. And t is on vacation until next Tuesday.

Thanks for listening,

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: an old friend died over the weekend
PostPosted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 2:20 pm 
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I understand the mixed emotions. I've lost many people in my life and have attended many funerals and life celebrations. If your friend Rexxy was a partier, then there is no better way to celebrate him by throwing him a gigantic party celebrating all the wonderful things everyone shared with him. It's a time for you to connect with others who loved him and to learn more about the parts of his life you may not know. Everyone will have a unique story and that can be a fascinating learning experience.


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