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 Post subject: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:11 am 
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So this is really hard for me to admit. Most of what I'm about to type is just coming because I'm trying not to think too hard about this until I get to the submit button. Here goes, I guess.

So, for a month or two now, I've been having really vivid dreams. As though things were really happening, and that scared me to no end. Well, the dreams are still happening, but now I'm having trouble distinguishing when I'm having a dream and when I'm awake. That is, until I wake up.

I almost cried the first time it happened, because I missed all of my classes for college that day. Well, it happened again two days later. And then it stopped happening for a week or so, and then it started happening again.

Haven't called my medical doctor about it because I am honestly scared that I will have to drop out of college again. I don't want to lose my friends. I'm honestly, truly scared.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:00 am 
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Hi PeaceRiot-

I'm sorry you are going through this :(

PeaceRiot wrote:
So, for a month or two now, I've been having really vivid dreams. As though things were really happening, and that scared me to no end. Well, the dreams are still happening, but now I'm having trouble distinguishing when I'm having a dream and when I'm awake. That is, until I wake up.

I almost cried the first time it happened, because I missed all of my classes for college that day. Well, it happened again two days later. And then it stopped happening for a week or so, and then it started happening again.


That must be scary!

PeaceRiot wrote:
Haven't called my medical doctor about it because I am honestly scared that I will have to drop out of college again. I don't want to lose my friends. I'm honestly, truly scared.


It is scary wondering if you'll have to drop out of college.

Maybe missing classes and other fallout from the symptoms is more likely to cause that to happen, though?

Maybe going to the doctor is the way to prevent dropping out of college again? Or the best shot at preventing it?


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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 4:11 pm 
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Hi Peaceriot,

I have had, what sound like, very similar experiences to you, for about 17 years now. It happens from time to time, and I have a handle on it now. So if my experiences are like yours then perhaps I can help you with the dreams.

The dreams always happen when I'm falling to sleep. I think I'm in my home,usually, and I think I'm awake. Something impossible or just downright terrifying happens which makes em realise I'm not actually awake. I force myself to wake up, which is very hard, and once I'm awake, I close my eyes and it's happening again. The only way i can stop it is to either getup to ensure I am awake, or just sleep through it.

These dreams are the single most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me.

It happens when I'm really tired. That's generally the pattern.

Even if your experiences differ from mine, when i told my T about my dreams he assured me that they cannot hurt me, they're only dreams. Because i reach a state of semi-lucidity in these dreams, where i choose to wake myself up, I also have the choice not to. I've tried this, I've told whoever was infront of me in my dream that they cannot hurt me bc it's only a dream, and then asked what they want from me. As much as the result was no more fun that what was already happening, it gave me an opportunity to see more, and figure out what the dreams were revealing about my psyche. I think the important thing to remember is it's only a dream. The terrifying thing is that it feels like reality, but it just isn't.

I'm not sure where your concerns about dropping out of college are coming from. What happens to you that stops you from being able to study? Is it that you deprive yourself of sleep for a fear of dreaming, and so can't goto college the next day?

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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 6:21 pm 
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That's interesting to know that the dreams aren't something I'm alone in. There hasn't been any point so far that's been truly terrifying. I think the getting up could really help me. What terrifies me is the fact that I've missed classes without realizing it.

If it's a matter of being tired, I'm always tired. My best friend jokes that I sleep more than anyone he knows. But, sadly, I do. And I always wake up tired. I guess part of me knows they're just dreams, and they can't hurt me. But they're holding me back.

My concerns about college are that it's happened before that I had to drop out. The first time was health reasons, the second was about grades, and now family says that if I don't pull things together, then I won't get another shot.

Maybe I am depriving myself of dreaming..


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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:56 pm 
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I'm not sure how the University System works where you are, but here your sleeping issues (needing so much sleep) would probably be considered by the uni as a disability or illness of sorts. My experience is that universities (in Aus anyway) are extremely accommodating of these kinds of difficulties, and indeed can get into big trouble if they don't take these kinds of problems very seriously.

If I were you I'd goto my Doctor, get some kind of a medical certificate explaining that you have sleeping problems (assuming your doctor recognises them) then approach the head of your faculty with your medical certificate and ask what accommodations can be made. Here, I would expect that if you missed an assessment or weren't able to complete tasks in time bc of your sleep, you would receive "special consideration" which would allow you and extension or something like that.

Students at uni can be blind, deaf, and I even know of a woman with cerebral palsy on her way through a masters. If they can get an education with the extent of their disabilities, I'm sure that you can.

However, I'd suggest you speak to your doctor anyway, bc you may have any kind of solvable sleeping problem, eg: sleep apnea - in which case there may be a solution, whence you'd get normal sleep and wouldn't have to worry about any of the uni stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:03 pm 
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Quote:
My concerns about college are that it's happened before that I had to drop out. The first time was health reasons, the second was about grades, and now family says that if I don't pull things together, then I won't get another shot.


Did you HAVE to drop out, or could you have chosen to defer your studies until you'd recovered from your health problems?

Do your family work within the university system, and so understand all of the university's policies on health matters?

Quote:
Maybe I am depriving myself of dreaming..


I think you need to be careful of this. Obviously it can be hard studying with health problems, but it really shouldn't have to deprive you of your education. If you take a defeatist attitude, which does sound like the attitude you've automatically adopted, then you will be defeated.

You can take control of your life, and doing your research and getting to the bottom of your health issues is a part of that.

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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:25 pm 
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I'm gonna talk to a psychiatrist and my physician about the sleep thing. It could be apnea, except I don't snore, except when I have a really bad cold. I'm gonna see if I can get with disability services on all of this. Some departments have a set maximum of times you can miss (6 days in the English department; 7 in the Remedial Math), after which they drop you from the roll, and you automatically fail.

As far as did I have to drop out? It was so late in the semester that there was no way I could defer or anything like that. I had to drop out because there was no other option. Family didn't approve and still feel as though I am wasting my time, instead of going through and getting a PhD.

My mom works in the elementary (primary) school system, but I don't know the health policies at the university I'm at.

As far as the dreaming thing? I actually meant about dreaming while I sleep. It's a fear that's nagged me for awhile. I guess what makes the defeatist part most difficult is that the one person who supports me is so very far away (my dad's in North Dakota and I'm in east Tennessee), and my mom is absolutely opposed to me going to college, despite having an education herself.

I definitely need to think long and hard on this, and force myself to change this attitude.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:17 am 
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Talk to officials at your university about how they can make accommodations for your health. Policies are just guidelines that cover most situations; there are ways to work with things that need to be worked around.

Don't just look at a policy and assume defeat: "oh, if I miss one more day I'm out". Maybe that's what would normally happen, but this situation isn't normal.

And Sarah is right; institutions like universities have policies on how to modify or get around the policies :)

But people can't help you get the accommodations that you need if you don't ask for help.


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 Post subject: Re: Losing My Grip on Reality
PostPosted: Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:23 pm 
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Going back to your original post:
Quote:
I am honestly scared that I will have to drop out of college again. I don't want to lose my friends. I'm honestly, truly scared.

Why does dropping out of collage equal loosing your friends? What does one have to do with the other, excepting that you see them at school?

It's difficult when fear is that strong-- it can paralyze you. Try to keep active, keep doing whatever you can (some really good suggestions have been made) to assuage the fear.

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