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The title pretty much sums it up. But I guess to further explain I have had this problem for most of my life. But has been at its worst in the last couple of years. I didn't really have many problems back in my highschool years but because I am an adult student at a community college it is hard making any friends there. As for more previous workplace I made a lot of friends and was close to people but it never made it outside of the workplace. And now at my current store I can barely even maintain a workplace friendship. It sucks. I have my boyfriend, my sister, and one other friend that I have been friends with for like 10 years. But other than that, that's it. I have major issues with females. I am not going to lie- I tend to be jealous, threatened but at the same time intimidated and feel inferior towards women of my own age. This causes some major problems. I am also socially anxious and sometimes find it difficult to even talk. I joined a local support group for those with social anxiety but they always meet on weekends and I work on weekends Some of the people that I onced called friends seem distant and are caught up in their own world that I am not a part of because I'm not there. For example, one of my friends has been attending a university that I had originally planned on attending once I finish community college but I am now planning on attending a different college because of the driving distance. But now when I talk to him it just isn't the same. We have such different lives. He is a university student with a large group of friends and we just don't really relate anymore.

I feel depressed over this as well as frustrated and kinda like a loser too. I'm 26 and as I continue to get older it seems the harder it is for me to connect with people and find common ground. A lot of the people I work with now just seem like on completely different levels than me. For one a lot of them are much younger than me. The other reasons I cannot quite figure out I just don't really get along with any of them. In fact I really cannot stand most of them. This lack of friends scares me because I feel like if anything were to happen with me and my boyfriend who would I have to turn to for support?

I think it's really important to remember that as we age, people change and grow apart. No one's at fault, it just is.

After reading your post, I'm left wondering why work seems to be your only option for meeting people? Work or school? There are lots of ways to make friends-- maybe getting involved in a hobby or going to events that you like?


I would work on this aspect. It's very difficult to get and maintain friendships if you are threatened by them and act defensively. What can you do to help yourself in this area?


Does it help you in any way to feel this way? To judge yourself like this? It's helpful to me to simply acknowledge where I am today and where I want to be tomorrow. Define the goals and the starting point, then I can work towards that from there.

Hi, Juliprelude
This may or may not help you understand, as your issue sounds a little different than mine.
I have BPD, Major Depression, and Anxiety issues trailing behind. I have ony recently found out about the BPD, and since then so many issues in my life have become a little clearer to me. Such as, the inability to make or keep friends. However, in my case, I have discovered that it has been my own problem all along. I bring people into my world as friends, aquaintances, lovers, co-workers, etc.
At some point or another they reach the point where I feel they are going to discover my "crazy" as I so lovingly refer to it. Once this point arrives, I either consciously or subconsciosly do something to destroy the relationship. It is devastaing for me and very confusing for the other party. I usually then head straight into a deep depression and feel very alone. Which of course never made any sense to me until discovering I had BPD. It is still happening, but i am hoping to learn the tools that it takes to keep important people in my life.

Good luck to you in finding a solution.

FWIW,

I've walked the no friends line in the past, or rather the make 'em and lose 'em one, throughout my life I've moved around a lot, made friends at different times and then moved on and COMPLETELY abandoned / forgotten them. I used to think there was a problem but to be honest that's just the way it was for me.

I had that very same thought in my mid to late 20's! No-one knew me and I can remember taking great offence when people tried to tell me how they thougt I would behave or act in different situations

I've been settled down for the last 9 years in one area and for about the first 5 of those I had different people coming and going in my life with the only constant driving factor for me being the need to maintain and have an intimate relationship with one significant other. It was only when I finally ditched the partner and lived alone for a while that I discovered and learned the tools of making & keeping friendships in my life.

Now I have learned the value of good close friendships but it took me a long time (and some serious heartache) to learn (I'm 36 now - you do the maths!).

I know my situation may not be exactly the same as yours but it's similar enough for me to suggest that you can make and maintain friends - its just a case of learning how.

All the best

P.

Unsurprisingly, I also relate. The last two friends (one male, one female) I've made have an understanding of BPD (One has studied psych. the other works in a related field), so I don't think they were shocked when I tried the seduction, etc. and then tried to dump both of them as soon as I started caring about them/getting close. They both gently mentioned that they didn't like or accept what I'd said and then carried on as normal.
The guy friend meets me weekly at the same time - my dream come true - brief and regular. I worry that he does not get as much out of our exchange as I do..this is likely to be true.

I don't know what your situation is..but in my experience higher education is the most conducive environment for making and sustaining friendships with intelligent, open-minded people. And the best part of all, you only have to be around them for a couple of hours. Less time to screw up, less pressure, less commitment. :-)