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 Post subject: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 12:38 pm 
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I’ve been working on issues of my past (just feeling what I feel not trying to change what happened) and I find at times I’m embarrassed at things I did and said or couldn’t do or say. It seems to me today that embarrassment is in ways the result of not accepting what happened for what it was. Or is this just a moral emotion? I’m really new to emotions so I’m just trying to find my way.


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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:43 pm 
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I think it's like the eight year old who wakes up in the middle of the night, realizing he wet the bed. He knows he's too old for that and he doesn't know why it happened but he's embarrassed because of it.

In a similar light, I think that when we engage in introspection like what you're doing, we get the adult perspective - the more mature perspective - and we realize that we really were too old to behave that way, we should have known better, we do know better but we acted out anyway - those sorts of things.

In other words, I think the embarrassment you're feeling now is because you know better now. You know there are better, more mature, more rational ways to handle situations like that and you're embarrassed that it took so long to get to this place / that you didn't know better / behave better sooner.

At least that's how it was for me ...

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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 9:16 pm 
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Thanks Ash,

That feels right.


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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Sun Nov 15, 2009 11:34 pm 
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OK – Ash, I think your right so this might sound a little silly, but how do you get over being embarrassed. I feel really stupid about the way I’ve been acting towards all my friends, co-workers, family for the last year plus. I think that why I don’t want to be around them, I’ve just screwed a lot of stuff up.
So how do I get past this? I know there must be some acceptance in here somewhere, there is always acceptance.


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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:08 am 
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Acceptance that you didn't know any better, that you didn't know then what you were doing?
Acceptance that you made mistakes, that you are still learning?
Acceptance that you are human (and therefore imperfect)?

In some ways, I get over that shame and guilt and embarrassment by just getting through it. Those feelings are an indication of something I need to change. I can't go and change the past, but I can take steps to see that I don't repeat the same mistakes in the future. This is how we learn.

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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:18 am 
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Thanks Minx,
This feels right. I can see I still have a lot to learn. Each time I work through an issue that I thought I would have understood another one pops up that I need to deal with. I guess this will just take as long as it takes.


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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:37 am 
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Acceptance, as Minx says, is a big part of it in my experience. There are also some good (if I do say so myself) Quips on the main site which may help.

Learn to forgive. Most of all, yourself.

Never regret anything for with each "mistake" we learn - how can one regret knowledge?

Learn and move on.

Never apologize for being exactly who you are (or were) at that precise moment.


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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:08 pm 
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I feel that embarrassment over my actions when they aren't really in line with what I consider my 'Authentic Self'. Who I really am at my core.

I get over it best by doing my best to make my actions line up with my Authentic Self. Yes, acceptance is in there that I can't change the past and it's not really helpful to me to judge what I cannot change or berate myself for what I didn't know or understand at the time. But, I can affect this moment. In this moment, I can choose my actions to be in line with who I really want myself to be or how I see myself in that moment. To look before I leap, as it were or maybe more like think before I speak, lol.

What I'm trying to say is that in many ways, our actions speak to who we are as people. When those actions are not a true reflection of who we consider ourselves to be; shame and guilt follow. The best way I know of to live a life without shame or guilt if to be really true to my Self. To allow my actions to speak of that Authentic Self in the Now.

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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 9:30 pm 
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I think you've also got to allow yourself to redefine who you are today, as opposed to the person who wasn't being their authentic self all the time.

When I was 11 I dumped my boyfriend telling him I was too so love with the drummer from Duran Duran that I couldn't "trust myself". I wasn't being honest, I wasn't being true to myself, but I look back now and laugh. You'll be able to too one day. Have confidence that you're constantly growing and changing.

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 Post subject: Re: Embarrassment
PostPosted: Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:43 pm 
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Ash wrote:
Learn to forgive. Most of all, yourself.


I've found this one hard for me. I was thinking about the concept of being my own best friend. I know my best friend would forgive me, so maybe I just need to allow my own best friend to guide me to forgiveness of myself.

Ash wrote:
Never regret anything for with each "mistake" we learn - how can one regret knowledge?


I know this is the truth. I just think it will take time for me to accept the pain of today was needed to get me to the health of tomorrow. Acceptance + faith or blind trust = a new today.

Ash wrote:
Never apologize for being exactly who you are (or were) at that precise moment.


I just like this one. I've stopped apologizing. It not that I won't make amends but I will no longer apologize for things I did not have control over.

Harmonium wrote:
acceptance is in there that I can't change the past and it's not really helpful to me to judge what I cannot change or berate myself for what I didn't know or understand at the time.


I need to remember about not judging. This one gets me often. I just need to watch for it. Judgment sends me down the wrong road - it's like poison.

Lots of good stuff in all your posts. Thanks, I'll come back here several more times to re-read and learn as I keep moving forwards.

Thanks Again, :)


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