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"The Past is Gone Forever. No longer will I be victimized by the past, I am a new person."

This is one of the Women for Sobriety "Acceptance Statements." Actually, it is my favorite of the 13 statements and I think it is an important concept to keep in mind for recovery from BPD as well.

The past is gone forever. The people who have hurt you. Abandoned you. Been taken from you. The mistakes you have made. Your regrets. Your poor choices. Gone.

We cannot go forward with our new lives if we still have one foot planted in the past. We cannot beat ourselves up over what could have been, what should have been, what should not have been.

So my childhood sucked. Okay, fine. I did not connect with other kids the way I wish I could have. My parents fought all the time. They got divorced and my Mom moved around a lot with me and my sisters. Our relationship with our father was fucked up for a long time. We ran from him. But we survived. It is over now. I am not a kid anymore. All of that may have played a part in shaping who I am but I do not have to remain this person. If I am not happy with how I "turned out," I can change myself.

I was in a "relationship" with someone for over two years. In actuality, this person was in my life for over 4 years on and off. Okay, so he played a part in my life. But you know what? That relationship - if you can call it that - was detrimental to my emotional and mental well being. It was hazardous to me. I formed an attachment to that person. I craved - and still do crave - the love and affection and attention I received. But I have to let that go too. Because it is over. It is in the past. And I am not going to be afraid to get into another relationship - when I am ready - because this person hurt me. He was just one person. This was just one experience. We both made mistakes but I cannot get hung up on those either. Because it is done.

I just want to put this out there for you all to think about because it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately - moving on from the past.

Cheers,
Chai

Chai,

I know exactly what you mean - too many of us allow the past to guide our present and our future, this (I believe) is primarily because we are creatures of habit. It was not until I had my entire belief system deconstructed for me, during the disintegration of my marriage, that I realised how much of 'me' was merely a replication of past behaviours - some of which spanned generations!

Perhaps I was &/or still am BPD - but I find so much on this board that I can relate to that the distinction between non and BPD seems to me to be a bit over-egged.

Maybe that's just me.

Regards

P.