Damaged / defective? Used to. Different? Since Jr High. Still do. Well, it's not that I actually
feel different most of the time. But, I know I am. And that's okay, though occasionally frustrating.
It seems like it's so easy to get into a black and white thinking spot of either thinking the other person (or people) is to blame, or thinking that oneself is totally to blame. I think it's good that you are not in that place.
I see two issues in the work situation. One is how to handle it before it gets to the breaking point. And, 2nd, how to not emotionally act out when/if something comes to the breaking point.
It sounds to me like you were taking too much, instead of doing something about it. I'm thinking, if someone is critising you at work, go to your boss and say "N said I'm doing {task} wrong. I'd like to get your input about it.". Approaching the boss not as a tattle tale, not complaining about the co-worker, but asking for input about, well, whatever the co-worker is complaining about. If the co-worker is being inappropriate, that does bring it to the attention of the boss. And if the co-worker's criticisms are valid, you get the perspective of the boss on the issue.
Another thing that would be helpful -- and this is part of the Four Agreements, which is one of the Tools in the "Tools" section of the website (far left column) -- don't take it personally.
Or, it would be in the Tools section of the website if the website wasn't down. You can look for discussion in the
All For Four section of the message board. And let me see if I can find a link about the Four Agreements. Ah, here we go, right from Miguel Ruiz's website.
Four Agreements webpage.Miguel Ruiz wrote:
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
What your co-worker says is a reflection of
her reality, how she sees the world. It's a reflection of her, not you. If she says something helpful, use it. But don't let it define you. It's her reality, not yours.
Quote:
I need to learn how to stop myself from getting flooded so that I do not overreact.
I guess that all (what I wrote) does fall under how not to get flooded. But, I'm thinking, one can also learn not to overreact. Yes, better not to get into the situation in the first place. Still, good to have the stills to not overreact, to not act out inappropriately.
For some people, working the 5 Steps in retrospect (that is, looking back at a situation) is helpful to them. It helps them learn different approaches they could have used, and then eventually to be able to use them in the moment. For information on the 5 Steps see the
One Step at a Time section of this message board.