BPDRecovery.com: Forums

I am working so hard on my recovery that I am having a hard time relaxing. I'm trying to be self reliant, trying to get my mother needs met through myself. Trying to mother my inner child and not look for it in another people. Trying to be an adult. I'm just so afraid of being friends with people. I can't let people love or care about me because I'm scared that I will go back into my old patterns. I don't think it's fair for me to be so hard on myself. And it hurts for me to type that. I just want to be healthy. It's okay to have friends. And it's okay to have relationships with people. I'm just wound so tight trying to do the right thing that maybe this is just another manifestation of my BPD. I don't know.

Hi,

I've been struggling with a similar situation. During group, the therapist pointed out that the situation you described is a form of splitting. Life doesn't have to be either self-reliant OR friend/family-dependent. There is balance, or a gray area, between those two extremes.

In time, I hope to manage my emotions and understand my BPD behaviour to have successful, healthy relationships and a healthy, balanced life in all areas.

Hope this helps - you're not alone!!

sno