Chai I've been out sober and already tried what you suggested. I'm also aware of the stuffing thing and why this is all happening. I'm not sure why you would assume otherwise.
Going out sober I've done, and was trying to do it last night. I've been experiencing this social anxiety quite acutely recently, and it's been heightened by not being able to self medicate it away with alcohol. I haven't enjoyed the social situations I've been in because of it, but I figure I won't get past it by avoidance, and I know I need to develop new social mechanisms, even a new social identity (this ain't small stuff) - and the more I do it the faster that all will develop. But I die a thousand deaths when I do go out and I think it's just making me fear it more. Especially when there isn't a trusted friend there. I could be with a good friend in a bunch of strangers no worries, I know I could. But with people who i'm not really close to, AND strangers, that's hard.
AA deals with all this stuff. It's revealing the reason why I drink and self-medicate with substances. I knew they were there and am still surprised at how severely they're effecting me. It's all approval stuff.
But last night I think I got a dose of the social anxiety combined with an abandonment response, bc I felt my mate J had let me down. I wanted to claim she'd been rude (not to her, but to myself) and overlooked my feelings, but I could see that was a lie. I didn't know why she changed the plans but it was likely to accommodate someone else's needs. Fair enough. She could not have known I'd been anxious about the whole thing already.
I called a very good friend afterwards and told her everything. It was such a relief. I feel I've been carrying a lot on my own lately, and maybe just being proud. I really got it all out. She told me that, although I've discussed with her before my social anxiety, that even she is still surprised. She said I hide it very well. She knows me really well, so that meant something to me. People think I'm so confident and when things like this happen it comes across as either dismissive and aloof, or just weird.
Anyway, I digress.
Chai I think, 2 weeks sober, I'd like to see how I go before jumping on the SSRI bandwagon again. Thanks for the links - I'll check them out.
BPDpip5 wrote:
pretty much sounds like anxiety for me. One thing I have found that helps is repeating in my head, "I can handle a little anxiety, knowing it will pass." Sounds corny I'm sure but repeating that mantra over and over in my head while I"m forcing myself to do something or go somewhere really helps. It also helps to remember that the anxiety BEFORE the event is almost always worse than the actual event. I find with anxiety I just have to push through it. Good luck!
Thanks for this
BPDpip. The mantra doesn't sound corny to me at all. Just what I need in fact. Yeah I was thinking later that if I'd just pushed through it I know it would've passed and I'd have enjoyed myself. I regret not going along now. But then I thought about the drive there, and that traffic makes me anxious, the parking where I was going would've been a nightmare, and on top of everything else I'd have arrived a completely broken woman! But then, so what? I've done it before. Arrive totally frazzled after getting lost ont he way and getting all anxious. I've got past it.
Thank you for the tip. I think what I need right now are tools.