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 Post subject: Anxiety?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 1:49 am 
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Recently I've stopped drinking (following stopping smoking pot in December). I've began going to AA to help ou and gain support...

Since stopping I've realised that I experience intense social anxiety, and I think I now actually understand what anxiety is. Previously i thought anxiety was something close to a panic attack, but now I think perhaps it's just when I feel I can't cope with a situation. I find myself getting really, well, I guess I do get panicky, frantic, and before I know it I'm in tears.

Tonight I'd arranged to have dinner with a friend and some of her friends (single blokes). I did feel a bit anxious bc I don't know them, and they're single guys in my age group, and I feel pretty unattractive right now. I've put on weight since quitting smoking and my self-loathe has come to face me square on since quitting all other substances.

Anyway, she ended up wanting me to goto a restaurant, I'd thought we were getting takeaway at her house, and to come earlier than arranged, which she told me too late for me to accommodate. It's a 30-45 minute drive for me, so it wasn't possible to come early last minute, especially since last minute I discovered we were going out meaning do my hair and makeup. These things make me anxious anyway. So I was just about ready to put my makeup on, 5 minutes from leaving and I get a message saying she's there and come any time. Arriving 30-45 minutes after everyone else just made me freak. They'd be finished by the time I arrived. It made me so anxious that I just texted back saying this has made me feel anxious and we'll catch up another time.

Now I don't know if I did the right thing and I'm worried about canceling, but the plan wasn't very fair on me really.

She's not a terribly close friend, so she doesn't know about my quirks. I feel like a social failure. I feel bloody awful. I know that there's the anxiety closet but I'm not totally sure this is what one calls anxiety. I think it is.

I didn't know quitting drinking, which I only do a couple of nights a week anyway, would bring up so much shit. But I think it's been increasing ever since I quit pot and cigarettes.

I'm not sure what I want from posting, but I feel a bit frantic right now so thought it best to post than do the other things on my mind.

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 Post subject: Re: Anxiety?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 8:32 am 
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(((Sarah))) I hear you loud and clear...

Yes I would say what you are experiencing is anxiety. What you have done is take away some unhealthy coping mechanisms so now you have to actually "feel" your emotions (i.e. anxiety) instead of "stuffing" them with alcohol, pot or nicotine.

I am almost 3 months sober right now and I have tried many times before to quit drinking (and like you I was not an every day drinker but drinking impacted my life in enough negative ways that I decided it was better to give it up). Every time before, I would come across a situation that made me uncomfortable or anxious and give in to those feelings by drinking. I went on a date, felt uncomfortable, drank to get through it. I went out to dinner, everyone else was drinking, felt uncomfortable and drank. I went to a party, didn't really feel like I fit in, drank to overcome the anxiety. It is hard but if you realize that what you were doing is running away from your emotions and challenge yourself to actually face the emotions and get through them without stuffing them, you will feel so much better and stronger. It is amazing but for the first time in my life I actually like myself - because I am proud of myself for getting through difficult situations, celebrations, stress, social situations etc. without drinking. I am challenging myself and coming out on top every time and it really builds my confidence and self esteem.

Try it sometime. Get together with those friends, let yourself feel uncomfortable, but do not drink alcohol. See what happens. No one will question you for drinking something non-alcoholic. Your anxiety will eventually subside on its own and you will connect with the people on a different level - a more real level - instead of "bonding" over alcohol. Get it? Trust me... it is hard at first and sort of a leap of faith but so worth it!

I am following the Women for Sobriety program right now. There is a message board with lots of really amazing women from all over the world (and yes a few from Australia). It may help you to post there too.
The Women for Sobriety main website is www.womenforsobriety.org
The message board is www.womenforsobrietyonline.com

I am also taking Prozac which is helping tremendously with my anxiety. Actually, SSRIs have been found to be more useful for anxiety than for depression.

Good luck!
Chai


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 Post subject: Re: Anxiety?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 10:28 am 
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pretty much sounds like anxiety for me. One thing I have found that helps is repeating in my head, "I can handle a little anxiety, knowing it will pass." Sounds corny I'm sure but repeating that mantra over and over in my head while I"m forcing myself to do something or go somewhere really helps. It also helps to remember that the anxiety BEFORE the event is almost always worse than the actual event. I find with anxiety I just have to push through it. Good luck!

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: Anxiety?
PostPosted: Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:58 pm 
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Chai I've been out sober and already tried what you suggested. I'm also aware of the stuffing thing and why this is all happening. I'm not sure why you would assume otherwise.

Going out sober I've done, and was trying to do it last night. I've been experiencing this social anxiety quite acutely recently, and it's been heightened by not being able to self medicate it away with alcohol. I haven't enjoyed the social situations I've been in because of it, but I figure I won't get past it by avoidance, and I know I need to develop new social mechanisms, even a new social identity (this ain't small stuff) - and the more I do it the faster that all will develop. But I die a thousand deaths when I do go out and I think it's just making me fear it more. Especially when there isn't a trusted friend there. I could be with a good friend in a bunch of strangers no worries, I know I could. But with people who i'm not really close to, AND strangers, that's hard.

AA deals with all this stuff. It's revealing the reason why I drink and self-medicate with substances. I knew they were there and am still surprised at how severely they're effecting me. It's all approval stuff.

But last night I think I got a dose of the social anxiety combined with an abandonment response, bc I felt my mate J had let me down. I wanted to claim she'd been rude (not to her, but to myself) and overlooked my feelings, but I could see that was a lie. I didn't know why she changed the plans but it was likely to accommodate someone else's needs. Fair enough. She could not have known I'd been anxious about the whole thing already.

I called a very good friend afterwards and told her everything. It was such a relief. I feel I've been carrying a lot on my own lately, and maybe just being proud. I really got it all out. She told me that, although I've discussed with her before my social anxiety, that even she is still surprised. She said I hide it very well. She knows me really well, so that meant something to me. People think I'm so confident and when things like this happen it comes across as either dismissive and aloof, or just weird.

Anyway, I digress.

Chai I think, 2 weeks sober, I'd like to see how I go before jumping on the SSRI bandwagon again. Thanks for the links - I'll check them out.

BPDpip5 wrote:
pretty much sounds like anxiety for me. One thing I have found that helps is repeating in my head, "I can handle a little anxiety, knowing it will pass." Sounds corny I'm sure but repeating that mantra over and over in my head while I"m forcing myself to do something or go somewhere really helps. It also helps to remember that the anxiety BEFORE the event is almost always worse than the actual event. I find with anxiety I just have to push through it. Good luck!


Thanks for this BPDpip. The mantra doesn't sound corny to me at all. Just what I need in fact. Yeah I was thinking later that if I'd just pushed through it I know it would've passed and I'd have enjoyed myself. I regret not going along now. But then I thought about the drive there, and that traffic makes me anxious, the parking where I was going would've been a nightmare, and on top of everything else I'd have arrived a completely broken woman! But then, so what? I've done it before. Arrive totally frazzled after getting lost ont he way and getting all anxious. I've got past it.

Thank you for the tip. I think what I need right now are tools.

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