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 Post subject: The first step
PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:37 pm 
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No, not from the five steps. I mean I have a laundry list of things I need to accomplish, and I have broken them into managable parts, then even smaller parts, but I can't seem to find the will to make the first step. Part fear of failure, part negative memories( x has sucked every other time, why should this time be any different?) I am just stuck and don't know how to move. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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 Post subject: Re: The first step
PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 10:50 am 
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I think it sounds like changing your self-talk or internal dialog would help.

If x has always sucked in the past.....it doesn't mean that it has to suck every time, right? In fact, I find the more I think something will suck before I do it, the worse it actually becomes. Self-fulfilling, ya know?

I absolutely HATE doing the floors (moping or vacuuming). But, in my household I'm the one that always has to do it. I do love to exercise though.....so I turn it into a way to work out. I count reps while vacuuming and really put in the elbow grease while moping (visualizing the new top I will be able to fit into helps too). It makes it more fun for me. I also think the whole time about how great I will feel when it's done because I love a clean house (even though I hate cleaning it!). I blare my favorite uppity or energizing song and time myself-- I say to myself that I have to get the mopping done in 30 minutes or less. That way, I know that even if it sucks the whole time, I only have to do it for 30 min but I reap double rewards (stronger muscles and a clean floor) for at least week, not to mention a higher self-esteem from accomplishing anything. I also plan to do these things when I am at my highest energy-level for the day, which for me is later in the day or even at night.

I try to make the good of doing whatever I don't want to do outweigh the bad of actually doing it in the way I allow my thoughts to go. If they stray toward the yuck of it, I re-frame towards the positive. There is always an up side!

You only fail at something (in my mind) if you don't even try it. Not even trying is a choice too, right? At least if you give it a go, you can say that you tried. And maybe even succeeded, at least part-way. It's not 100% bad or 100% good anyway, but if you try and make it to 65% good....well, that's success in my book.

The bottom line for me at least is always.....JUST DO IT. I always feel better having done even those things I dread because I've made the choice to be active rather than passively failing. Allowing that hesitation or fear or whatever to stop me from doing what I know needs to get done just makes me feel badly about myself, which can send me into an extreme downward spiral. Self-esteem killer for me.

I don't know if this stuff will work in your particular predicament or not, but I thought I would share in the hopes it does. Good to see you posting, btw!! You can do it!!

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"Pain is resistance to change."
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 Post subject: Re: The first step
PostPosted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 4:51 pm 
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Totally agree with H. (Except I haven't yet managed to make mopping and vacuuming fun yet, but I'll try her technique.) But doing nothing IS a choice, and it would be good for you to try to get past that. It's often hard for me to try something new and different -- i.e. SCARY -- because shame has been such a huge problem for me and I'm so afraid of failure because it will start up the whole shame/I'm hopeless/I suck cycle. But really it IS better to try and have things not work out ideally than never to try. Lack of success is not always equivalent to failure, as I keep having to tell myself. It just means I have to go on to Plan B, or re-adjust my goals, or whatever it takes to keep myself moving forward. If one door closes, look and see if another one has opened.

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 Post subject: Re: The first step
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 8:42 am 
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Thanks guys. Accomplished something yesterday. Did my taxes. Yes, there was a built in deadline to that one, but 2 days early is an accomplishment for me. And it was something I was really dreading because there was the possibility I would have to pay in this year because I didn't have taxes taken out of my unemployment, but I don't. I get $60 back. So, I will try to remember that the next time i forcast horrible things in the future, it does work out well sometimes.

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 Post subject: Re: The first step
PostPosted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 12:10 am 
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my suggestio is baby steps - breaking dow the overwhelmed aspects into manageable chunks. Remember, we can only control ourselves and our actions. But, when I am very overwhelmed, as long as a beak it down to one thing, and attempt to beng mindful, it enables me achieve something. And,that in itself, helps to decrease the anxiety level. Also, possitve affirmations, imho, have helped tremendously to not only deal with the challenges, but also to do so in a way that has a positive perspective.

And I hate to say it because I do not understand that it is one of the most difficult challengs for us, to be actually confident to reach for our goals. But baby steps that you can control will help alleviate the terror and panic.

So my suggestions, for what they are worth, is to stay as recovering-oriented as possile and to accept the fact that you are human ane won't always make the healthier choice. But, each experience is a learning experienc.e

ANd some times,you should have to white-knucle it through the rear, knowing that the anxiety is almoswt always worse than the actual situation.

Just my two cents ..... lol :)

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"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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