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 Post subject: Getting off the partner train???
PostPosted: Sat Jun 05, 2010 9:40 pm 
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I'm a in a terrible place. I used to use sexual liaisons, porn, and/or relationships to prop myself up. To avoid the pain, in fact I now use the term "pain killers" when referring to them. Finally I've made the decision to stop "cold turkey". And get to the root of the problem.

Why I think so little of myself and why I want to avoid being alone, at all costs.


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 Post subject: Re: Getting off the partner train???
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 9:00 am 
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Have you come up wth any theories yet?

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 Post subject: Re: Getting off the partner train???
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 6:15 pm 
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Theories about why you're feeling that way are good...I'm also wondering if you've come up with a coping plan for when those urges hit? I've been dealing with similar issues (nothing involving other people, thank goodness...but a lot of hypersexuality stuff myself) and have found stopping cold turkey can backfire big time. In fact, with myself (and I don't find this altogether impossible in application to others with self worth issues) I've found the underlying addiction is actually self loathing, not porn/sex/etc. Sometimes trying to eliminate the behavior simply causes it to escalate when those feelings of self loathing kick in...you give in to the behaviors, then end up feeling even more terrible for giving in, and the cycle perpetuates. My therapist asked me last week why the need for those behaviors to go away was so intense...I of course responded with a "no duh!" kind of answer, and she pointed out that when I fixate on the behavior more than the relationships it always backfires, but when I focus on the relationships the behavior typically decreases (though so far it never goes away completely...she is of the opinion that eliminating symptoms altogether isn't the point, building healthy relationships is). Frankly, that's why I'm back. I'm at a point where I am capable of happy, healthy living...but not always feeling safe there, and isolation combined with the need to "be recovered" and avoid "failure" can be completely overwhelming. I need a place where I can be open about my challenges, while I work on building "normalized" relationships elsewhere.

Have you looked at the DBT self help materials? Self nurturing (distress tolerance) may be a good place to start. It helps if you can build the ability to meet those needs from an inward place, rather than from external places.


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