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 Post subject: sharing a thought or two
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:18 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:24 am
Posts: 4
I thought I would share a poem that I wrote in 2009. Tell me what you think and if anyone shares my feelings.

Can't breathe.
Can't focus.
These feelings are too overwhelming,
the rage inside is so hard to hide.
The rage hides the sadness and tears.
The rage protects me in a way.
But I don't know how to contol it.
I feel as if it controls me.
Can't breathe.
Can't focus.
Can't see, past the rage and the fear of feeling the pain.
To unbearable,
to excruciating,
to much for anyone to deal with or have to try to process.
Try to breathe but it gets stuck in my chest.
Try to focus but my mind is full of anxiety.
Can't see cause my eyes are full of tears.
Can't feel cause I'm scared it will hurt.
Can't deal cause it's all to much.
TRAPPED, in this empty space of my mind.
It's empty cause it's lost,
I'm lost,
I'm in limbo,
I'm confused,
I'm scared,
I feel alone in this madness.
Do I even make sense????
Or are these just the words of a crazy women who has seen to much,
felt to much and is slowly loosing her mind,
her innocense,
her faith,
her life.
Lost in my mind,
scared and can't find my way out.
Welcome to MY world!
Everything's been taken away.
Got nowhere to hide now.
The wound is open once again,
festering,
rotting,
wanting to be healed.
Can't breathe.
Can't Focus.
Can't See.
The wound really hurts.
It's cut really deep.
Might need stitches,
but there's no needle or thread.
It hurts.
Hold my breathe,
squeeze my hands,
tap my feet.
Can't breathe.
My mind keeps playing this broken record over and over again.
Can't see.
Everything’s all mixed up,
doesn't make sense.
Can't focus.
Can't keep on this track.
Too much, can't live!
Can live, but find it so hard.
My heart aches, my mind is numb.
this will too live I find it hard to fight.
This will to fight I find it hard to live


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 Post subject: Re: sharing a thought or two
PostPosted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 8:56 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 16, 2010 6:32 am
Posts: 119
Yes..pretty much every single thing you wrote.


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 Post subject: Re: sharing a thought or two
PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:51 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 1:24 am
Posts: 4
how do you cope with it?


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 Post subject: Re: sharing a thought or two
PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:04 am 
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Joined: Sun May 16, 2010 6:32 am
Posts: 119
I'm bumbling through.


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 Post subject: Re: sharing a thought or two
PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:23 pm 
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Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:19 am
Posts: 274
Yes, I think what you wrote is fairly common with bpders. You asked how you cope - therapy, a lot of hard work, skills and one day at a time.

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: sharing a thought or two
PostPosted: Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:34 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:42 am
Posts: 6
I can relate to a lot of it, the confusion and fear, need to avoid the feelings because they are so overwhelming, and yet knowing really you can't hide you have to face them, but not knowing how. The good news is eventually it does get better. You learn to cope with the fear, confusion, and rage. To sit with it and "ride it out", rather than trying to run and getting pulled under. The pain doesn't go away, but you learn how to live with it, and how to move on despite its prescence. It's hard work, anyone who tells you otherwise is completely naive, but there is hope!


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