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I"m not sure where to post this, so I figured this forum might work.

I have a lot on my plate currently. I"m moving to Denver in four days to move into my new apartment and start that chapter there. In the meantime, I have 3 days left at work. I can and need to work as much overtime as possible in order to make more money on my last paycheck which I'll get Monday. At the same time, I don't have a ton of work to do at work and I'm just seriously exhausted. I'm still in the midst of packing and even though I've made a dent, I'm nowhere near done. When I get home after work, I'm exhausted but I"m managing to do a few boxes here and there.

BPD issues are cropping up a bit when it comes to work. I don't want to be here anymore and I find myself wanting to be impulsive and just leave. I"m trying to remember dbt skills to handle impulsivity ... like stay in the moment, etc.

Darren, my friend from IL, is still crashing at my place. He was supposed to stay for 3-4 days and now it has been almost 10. His plans were to move to Denver with a bunch of people he knows, get a house, etc, except that his plans seem to have fall through. So, at the moment the only place he has to stay is with me. He is my friend and I am glad to help out but at the same time it is an added stress factor that I really do not need right now. And, I"m worried that when I move to Denver, he will want to stay with me at my new place until my sister gets there and in a nutshell, I can't handle that. If that situation comes up, I have to figure out how to say no in a firm, assertive but not mean way.

I have a similar siutation with my sister. She is moving to Denver to find a job and needs to crash out at my new apartment for awhile. She is driving me nuts at the moment. Emails every other day, phone call;s every few days. I can't handle her right now. She needs to understand that I process things and deal with things one at a time. I"m concentrating on getting through the last few days of work and packing and that is all. I don't want to overwhelm myself with what she needss She isn't my roommate, she is suppposed to just be crashing on my floor for a month or two. I understand she has needs - she needs a key, she needs to know if she needs to be on the lease, she needs a parking spot.

Ok - I know we both need to sit down and clarify expectations but I truly don't think I can do this right now. I need to do my process. I need to take care of myself.

And then, once I get to Denver and get settled, I have to clarify all of the details regarding grad school, like the appeal form I have to fill out with finanacial aid, check to see if I need a private loan, ecl etc.
I have the list written and just need to checkmark it off as I go once I get to that point. Part of the point of this is that I need TIME and SPACE in order to do what I need to do. I'm worried with the Debbie and Darren situation that I'm going to allow my needs to be neglected, because that is a pattern I'm aware that I do at times.

I feel scared, nervous, anxious and excited all at the same time. I feel like things are shifting and I'm looking for the ground, but its foggy. I know this feeling - it just means things are tranistional and that's okay.

So, I guess my goal for the next few days is to stay in the moment, work, pack. The only thing I need to figure out is when and how I should address the Debbie and Darren situation.

Thanks for listening. It helps to type it out.

Hey, pip, it's good to hear from you.

Your move sounds really exciting. It's always stressful to make a significant change, and a big move like this is a big change for sure. I can understand about feeling tension at work -- it's hard not to have already mentally "checked out" when you're down to your last few days, but since you still have to be there and get the hours in, you have to push yourself to stay engaged even though your mind is totally elsewhere.

It's unfortunate that you're having to deal with your friend and your sister at the exact same time as you're trying to organize yourself for this transition in your life. I think if I were you, I'd try to set some pretty clear terms for them regarding the length of time they can stay with you once you get to Denver. If Darren is helping you move, then maybe he gets a "reward" of a few days with you there, but it should be made clear to him that he really needs to find his own accommodations right away. It's more complicated with your sister, but if you need to tell her to back off once or twice, go for it. I don't know what your relationship is normally like, and if she gets all snippy if you confront her in any way, make a point of framing any requests as "I" statements ("I am feeling overloaded at the moment, and I would appreciate it if you'd give me a few days to get moved and then I'll get back to you about keys" rather than "You need to stop bugging me about this stuff" -- I'm sure you already know this) and speaking in a calm voice, and hopefully she'll understand.

I hope the weekend goes well for you and you can manage the move without too much more stress. Let us know how you're doing once you get there!

Hugs.

Thanks Sari for the response! You are right, I'll let Darren crash for a few days at my new place but after that I MUST be firm. He is my friend, but he is also a somewhat negative factor in my life, and especially right now.

I'm going to give myself two weeks to deal with my current moving situation before I address the sister living with me situation. That situation will be a bit more complicated I think.

Today is my last day at work. Mostly, I'm feeling stressed which is bothering me because I would like this to be an enjoyable experience, an experience I can appreciate and say goodbye to in my own way. I"m working on keeping myself calm but I find that I'm so scattered in my mind that calmness is extremely elusive right now.

I am excited. I know that once the work of moving and getting settled in is over with, I"ll be much calmer and much more excited and happy. Until then, I just want to not be frazzled. lol.

Thanks again.

I'll post more once I get settled in.

smiles,

You're doing great, pip! Mixed feelings on your last day of work are pretty much standard -- there's nostalgia and celebration of what you've been doing and accomplishing where you've been, but really, your mind has pretty much moved on and is filled with the stuff of moving and starting a new chapter. It's hard to integrate all that.

Stay strong with Darren -- it won't be good for you if he manages to manipulate you or guilt you into backing down on your convictions that he shouldn't be a long-term houseguest. And if your sister is still bugging you, tell her to be patient, you'll get to her issues when you can. If she's not planning to arrive on your doorstep in the next week or so she can wait her turn.

I look forward to getting updates on how everything is going for you down the line!

Oh Lord, I remember doing the whole grad school app thing a (short) year ago. It is a pain. Helps to have a good sense of humor. ; ) I write a new to do list every day when i am loaded uip with stress and then rewrite a new list after I line through the done stuff. Sounds strange...but it really helps me focus. Need to be doing that myself again as I just graduated from grad school and need to job hunt. You'll get there. Look on the bright side. The economy is so bad, school is probable a good place to be right now. It can only go up from here. Good luck.