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 Post subject: Feelings of discontent?
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 9:47 pm 
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I've seemed to be making a fair amount of progress, recently--quicker than expected, which automatically makes me skeptical of it, but I have done much better in a lot of areas, have maintained consistent moods and interactions, have been able to set boundaries and accept the boundaries of others calmly.

Just in general, it's seemed like I'm experiencing more stability, clarity, and ability to bear my emotions--including loneliness/separation, which was a big one for me.

A couple of weeks ago, I went through a heavy phase of insecurity, and as I worked through some of that, I started getting a better sense of myself as a person, and also having strange, random interests spring up, like gardening and wanting a puppy at some point--all of them were things I had drifted away from in childhood.

Following that, I found myself wrestling with a feeling that was new to me, and only just got the right label for it today: discontent. I don't suddenly hate the things I used to like, I'm still interested in a lot of them a little bit, but they're less compelling, or other things are equally interesting, now.

I'm not entirely happy with most aspects of my life, as it turns out, but at the same time, I'm not angry or upset, they're not /bad/ at all, they're just not as all-consuming as they were. It makes it hard for me to decide what I want, and I'm worried that these new feelings will turn out to be temporary, too.

How do you know when you're getting "better," or which interests and likes are really genuine and won't evaporate in a few weeks?


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 Post subject: Re: Feelings of discontent?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:58 am 
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Updating this:

The feelings have gotten stronger. I don't hate my job, but I'm aware that I could probably find something I like better. I don't 100% blame my SO for our relationship issues, I can see where work could be done on my side to make things better for us, but at the same time, I don't know yet if us having a relationship is the right thing for him or me, right now. I feel like most of my friendships are shallow and lack a sense of connection, but am not sure that the kind of "connection" I'm imagining is realistic, accurate, or even healthy, so I don't know how to pursue it.

And because I don't know what to do about any of these things, my solution so far has been to drink until the feelings go away.

But even that feels like a conscious choice being made, on my part. It certainly isn't a long-term solution, it's just me dodging the issue for right now.

How does anyone ever make a decision if all they can see are shades of grey?


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