I just read some of my posts from my other name...I was doing well then. I am getting back there once more. I don't shrink away when I see the content of my posts anymore. I don't get overcome with sadness when I see the posts about me and my ex - Though I am sad it ended the way that it did. Not so much sad that it ended, because it was headed in that direction and I think I had done some 'emotional prep' - As much as you can for that kind of thing, anyway.
I've been dealing with how that made me feel...Where my ex began to see it as a choice between his father and myself, where I failed to be the rock that he needed to unload his feelings re: dad, and then how my ex's OWN thoughts began to twist in alignment with his fathers - That's where it really went downhill. He started to not see it as a big deal. I know I can't get on with someone who shrugs that sort of thing off. Not when we were about to be bringing a child into this world. Timing, eh?
Miscarriage is really rough to deal with. It's getting easier as time goes on; Everyone told me that'd be true, but you know you don't see it that way. I'll never be "ok" with it, but I think I am FINALLY coming to the place where I am making peace with it.
I've begun to see one of my first few T's - It's been great. She specializes in anxiety/personality disorders. Perfect-o for me.
I am getting back on track. Dealing with a lot of residual anger, though. I have road rage something fierce, but bit by bit things are starting to fall back into place for me. No hook-ups, no drinking, no cutting. Just one pissed off woman looking for an outlet - I've done some exercising in hopes for release and to help with falling asleep at night. It helps with the first but not the latter...Maybe I am doing it at the wrong time of the day.
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