Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 3:54 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Anybody else LIKE to be alone a lot?
PostPosted: Sat Nov 27, 2010 5:57 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Nov 24, 2010 4:35 pm
Posts: 6
Although I have many BPD traits and definitely have a fear of abandonment, I actually crave aloneness, and since I live alone I get to spend a lot of time by myself.

Does anybody else feel this way?

My BPD is co-morbid with Major Depressive Disorder and GAD, so perhaps those other conditions explain the preference for solitude.

It has become deeply embedded behavior for me, the aloneness. This doesn't necessarily mean it's healty, however.

My official BPD dx is very new, though I've kind of known for a few years that I "qualified" for it. I guess I'm confused when I read so may different places that folks with BPD hate being alone.

Note: I do have my beloved cat, computer and TV so I'm not without forms of "company".


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Anybody else LIKE to be alone a lot?
PostPosted: Sun Nov 28, 2010 8:19 pm 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 46
Location: pixi-land
I know that a lot of people with textbook BPD generally go to great lengths to ensure they are in the company of others. As you mention, it is probably the depressive part of you that seeks the solitude. I also have GAD/Complex depression, BPD among a few other nasties thrown in for good measure and when i'm unwell I am similar to you in wanting to be alone. Depression is actually my leading problem which when it progresses in severity it triggers BPD-like symptoms. However, i still dont seek out company when bpd symtoms arise because my depression overrides it.

Having insight into the fact that it is just as unhealthy to crave aloneness as it is to crave company is a good first step. I guess that if you were recieving CBT or anything like that you could try and overcome this problem by trying to get out and socialise a bit more for a more healthy balance. Although, speaking from experience, it does take time and a lot of work to get out and socialise when every inch of your body wants to stay at home and be alone. With hard work, I'm learning balance now and it is good as i actually have a bit of a life now beyond the TV and my pet dog.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Anybody else LIKE to be alone a lot?
PostPosted: Mon Nov 29, 2010 10:26 am 
Senior Community Leader
Senior Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 3007
Location: Denver
I'm one of those anti-people people. For me, it's a matter of "people annoy me." They're loud, or clueless, or ignorant, or do things improperly (not the way I would do it) and it just bugs me to be around all of that for any extended period of time.

Additionally, I'm a bit of an introvert so being around people a lot drains me of ALL energy. (An extrovert gets energized from being around people.) I find it to be a lot of work to come up with conversation, make nice-nice, entertain, etc. so I just prefer NOT to be around people when possible.

In a BPD context, I think part of it may be that if I stay away from them, there's less chance I'll form a connection with any of them and therefore by staying away, I'm minimizing the opportunity to be rejected or abandoned.

That said, being completely alone isn't healthy and part of recovery work involves learning to do things in moderation so it's helpful to interact and engage with people from time to time. It gets us out of our own heads which can be a life-saver if we're prone to rapid downward spirals.

For a while before I got really into the recovery path, I was like you described: the dog, the computer, the TV. I was "happy" with that as a concept. It wasn't until I got truly into recovery-mode that I realized how unhealthy that was and how not-happy I was with that status quo. Some part of my darker side had been seeing that existance as proof that I was unloveable, unworthy, useless, etc. and when I'd get into my funks (the roller coaster was plummeting), all of those things would come screaming to the surface and I'd use them to beat myself up about what an awful person I was - nevermind the fact that I'd actually chosen that scenario and setup my life to be that way, it was still the decree of everyone else that I was worthless.

_________________
Like BPD Recovery on Facebook.
Follow BPD_Recovery on Twitter.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Anybody else LIKE to be alone a lot?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2010 3:18 am 
Community Member
Community Member

Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
As for me, I fluctuate between liking my own company to feeling lonely (craving to be in the company of others).

Nowadays it's more of feeling lonely as my housemate graduated (so I live alone now). Being alone compounds the fact and reality that I have BPD, and compounds the fact that I am not really comfortable with myself.

But I agree with Ash, that interacting with people does help us to get out of our heads, and I get that from my work place - it does make me feel slightly happier.

All in all, I'm confused like you!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 4 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 18 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group