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 Post subject: BPD in reverse?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 7:56 am 
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Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:26 pm
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Hi,

When i look at the DSM diagnostic criteria, i feel i have some of the traits sort of in reverse. For example:

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

I sort of abandon others. Sometimes i say something or do something whihc i feel makes me look stupid or exposes who i really am and then i feel too ashamed to speak to anyone who witnessed it ever again. I have thrown away friendships and even moved town because of this. Often the incident is so trivial noone else would even remember it and people are left confused about why i suddenly left their life. Is this a frantic effort to avoid abandonment? It seems to me like i am making myself scarce before they can abandon me.

Trouble Controlling Anger:

Only ever applies to anger directed at myself. This counts right?

I have this thing with shame as well. Sometimes i'm just walking down the street and i'm suddenly overcome by feelings of shame. i feel that everyone can see how worthless i am and i want to placate them by self harming so that they can see that i at least understand how wrong i am. And at least i take it seriously.

What the hell is this all about. BPD surely?


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 Post subject: Re: BPD in reverse?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 439
I think by leaving first, you are avoiding them abandoning you. At least thats how its worked for me. Or I don't let anyone get too close so they can't leave.

Yes, anger towards yourself counts. See if you recognise yourself as one of these
http://www.bpdrecovery.com/FourDivisionsOfBPD
I was definatly in the in-acting side, always took those negative feelings out on myself first.

_________________
It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars. - Garrison Keillor


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 Post subject: Re: BPD in reverse?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 20, 2010 5:18 pm 
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Right, I probably do have bpd then: 5 out of 9 :(


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 Post subject: Re: BPD in reverse?
PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 7:54 am 
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Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 12:10 pm
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I'm sure you're over this post but I wanted to say that I agree with the last response. A lot of us are so scared of being abandoned that we create the abandonment ourselves. We are so set that it will happen that we end up making it happen. I do this all the time. I can't tell you how many times I have tried breaking up with my bf out of fear that he was going to hurt me or leave me...only to end up in tears begging him not to go. This is common.


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 Post subject: Re: BPD in reverse?
PostPosted: Fri Jan 28, 2011 8:17 am 
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Joined: Wed Sep 29, 2010 4:26 pm
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I know what you mean. I sometimes feel I feel like i've spent my whole life running.


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