I think by leaving first, you are avoiding them abandoning you. At least thats how its worked for me. Or I don't let anyone get too close so they can't leave.
Yes, anger towards yourself counts. See if you recognise yourself as one of these
http://www.bpdrecovery.com/FourDivisionsOfBPDI was definatly in the in-acting side, always took those negative feelings out on myself first.