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 Post subject: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:58 am 
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Taken directly from Putting the Pieces Together, here are some of the general BPD-oriented homework exercises listed in Chapter 3. These homework exercises are optional (they are NOT required for your participation or continued membership with the BPDR Forums.) The homework need not be posted in public nor shared in any way. The exercises are simply posted as a way to provide some of the recovery-oriented work that may be of assistance in your journey toward healthy, happy living.

For now, simply view this chapter’s homework as another set of building blocks and do the best you can.
  • Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.
  • Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.
  • Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.
  • Discuss past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:47 am 
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• Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.
I feel as if it's a long way to go, and it's so difficult, though many people have said it is possible. Bearing with the 'moments is difficult. Having a psychiatrist (and no therapist) who isn't doing DBT with me is also demotivating me. Been doing 'self therapy' with this site. Can't discern what feelings I feel.

• Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.
Life would be very good, and I would especially enjoy close, intimate relationships, since I'm a deep kinda person. My friendships would be deep and very satisfying.

• Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.
This site is one of my support system, where I can voice out and express myself and people can actually UNDERSTAND me!
Another is several friends who are constantly praying for me, but don't think they'll be able to really, really understand the struggles I have.

• Discuss past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.
Am currently on medication. Currently don't feel like continuing with medication, but still faithfully taking it anyway out of 'obedience' to the doctor. Because I don't feel the medication is helping in anyway, it doesn't help the bpdness in me at all...


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:39 pm 
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Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.

I feel overwhelmed mostly with trying to figure it all out, how I am even going to recover. My insurance doesn't really cover therapy and I distrust pretty much all one-on-one therapy due to 20 years of trying to find someone to believe me and be strong enough and smart enough to be my therapist and failing every time. There is a 2 year waiting list for the only place in this city that does DBT and the one psychiatrist I asked about it said you must get one-on-one as well (which I don't agree with because I strongly believe therapy does not work unless both the therapist and patient believe it will and, well, I don't believe one-on-one works for me nor have any drugs so far. I do think group work would be beneficial). Looking back, I've manipulated every therapist I've ever talked to and it's always been so easy, I don't have any respect for them anymore. Even the ones I TOLD IN ADVANCE I would manipulate didn't know how to deal with it. None of them were experienced with BPD...I've not been able to find a therapist that is around here. I think it's obvious I feel angry too...that the "system" has let me down.

I also feel scared...who the heck will I be if I don't have BPD? Or what if I'm recovered and still never dig myself out of this hole I'm in (relationship wise and financially)? What if I am "cured" and still unhappy?


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 9:26 pm 
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Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.

The first thing that comes to mind is I would be in a happy, healthy relationship, maybe marriage. I'd have another baby. My business would become more successful. No more fits of rage or flying off the handle. No more need for sleeping pills, pot, pain meds when I can get my hands on it, alcohol (although I have stopped drinking to numb myself for several years now and only drink socially), etc...My children love me and are not scared of me. No one is walking on egg shells. I am able to maintain my strong circle of friends. I can go out in public in crowded places without getting angry. I'm laid back, go with the flow. I smile a lot. People are drawn to me. I'm still introverted and need my alone time, but I don't withdraw or push people away. I make good decisions.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:26 pm 
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Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.

While I have quite a few supportive people in my life, I can talk to none of them about BPD or my thoughts since my of my thoughts revolving around suicide and hurting myself. Any time I try the first thing that pops out of their mouth is about calling the cops on me which just makes me angry and hate them. Yes, I understand they are concerned, but it just means I am unable to talk to anyone. My ex-husband knows about my BPD and I have talked about it to him in the past and I could trust him, but he's remarried now and not available. My mom knows about my suicidal thoughts but thinks now that I have a child I don't think that way and I don't want to let her know otherwise. She's not very supportive anyway. When I was 16 I once woke her in the middle of the night to tell her I took all my anti-depressants and was scared and she told me I was fine and to go back to bed because she had work the next morning.
I belong to an online community where I can talk freely about my thoughts and feelings (not here, another place) and I do go there often to vent, find someone who knows how I feel or to just chat. It's a depressing place overall though, so not somewhere I'd continue to go when I'm feeling better.
My close friends are very good to me. They help me out when I ask, they tell me they love me, they are fun to be with, they listen when I talk. I hope that I do the same for them, but I'm not sure some days.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2011 8:32 pm 
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Discuss past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.

I've never been treated for BPD, just depression and the drugs don't work. I've tried a variety of different ones for months at a time (Elavil, prozac, effexor, Wellbutrin). I was even put on an antipsychotic that I was to take in the evening to help me sleep because I made the mistake of explaining my racing thoughts (that keep me awake) as someone talking to me in my head. I tried to explain that someone was ME, but the Dr. already had it in his head I was hearing voices. I've never heard voices in my life or hallucinated. That drug made me hallucinate though. I was very depressed at the time, so I kept taking it because the hallucinations were fun LOL
So, my experience with drugs has only been negative. I get mild side effects (dryness of mouth, lowered libido, feel like a zombie) and no benefits. Although, Wellbutrin got me motivated to get out of bed every morning, but I used to motivation to plan a suicide attempt whereas before the Wellbutrin I was too tired and lazy to do more than just think about suicide. :/


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:04 am 
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Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.

I feel positively about recovery. I do think I can recover. But I don't feel like I have much guidance. I have seen 2 therapist that treat symptoms instead of the disorder. I know I need to speak up and express my needs, but being emotionally closed off is one of my major issues. So being open with a therapist about my needs is near impossible for me. I know I can get there, I just don't know how, or long it will take. I'm really scared and confused right now.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:34 am 
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Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.

I envision being in control of my emotions & most importantly my reaction to them. I will be more open & honest with people close to me. I will have better friends, friends who really know me. I will be confident, real confidence, not just "pretend" confidence. I will not need other peoples approval to feel good about myself. I will be empathetic of other people's faults and not so judgemental. I will give as much as I take in my relationships. I will except myself as I am & not seek perfection.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:52 am 
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Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.

Right now pretty much just my husband. He is very understanding, always willing to listen, & luckily gives me an unconditional love that I think is really helping me to get over a feeling of abandonment. But I know I need more than him. For one thing it's too much pressure on him & another is that I need someone who isn't my husband. But right now I feel very alone. I tried to talk to some of my friends about my mental health issues and they were either in denial & told me that I was fine, or they told me that they would be there for me whenever I needed them, but are then impossible to get ahold of.

So I guess for right now this forum would be my other support. I think it's a good source of support because I will say just about anything on a forum & I don't worry about being judged or freaking people out. I just need to learn how to be that open with people in real life.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sun Feb 27, 2011 4:56 am 
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I've been really scared to go on psych meds. I'm a nurse and I know all the side effects, so I think that I will get all of them. I know it's pretty irrational. I would recommend them for one of my patients, but I won't take them myself!

Right now I am doing holistic medcations. I am taking Gaba & SamE, OTC supplements bought at a vitamin store. They actually make a huge difference. They really calm my anxiety and quiet my mind. But I've been getting new & somewhat worse symptoms (one being suicidal ideations)lately so I've been thinking about giving prescription meds a shot.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 5:23 pm 
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I feel very hopeful about my recovery today but generally speaking my moods are all over the place. I always manage to retain a spark of hope even when I feel really awful. It helps to know that this is not my fault but it is my responsibility to recover. I feel very determined to do whatever it takes to recover but experiencing some of the feelings of loss and grief ave been very intense. There have been times when I pleaded with God to just take me home.

When I envision myself as recovered I imagine a much more balanced person. I imagine that my moods will not overwhelm me but rather just pass over me in a healthy/normal fashion. I imagine being able to be vulnerable and not be terrified.

I have a couple of life coaches whose services that I use. One of them does some really intense and effective inner child work and the other one is recovered from BPD. I have some close friends that are supportive as well. I also have a brother who is very validating in terms of my experience of my parents.

I take xanax regularly but I would really like to be drug free. In times of stress I have abused drugs to escape feeling uncomfortable in my own skin.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:33 am 
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Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.

Honestly i am feeling very concerned whether its possible for me, but i guess some feeling remains that its possible or else i wouldnt be doing this exercise. If I imagine a life free from the drama and fear, its like being in a dark tunnel with pinpoint of light at the end. The feeling that it would be so great to get out but so far off, so long to go. If I allow myself to consider its possible putting that aside, I feel excitement and gratitude.

Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.

I am deeply passionate about my interests and my curiosity is so strong, like when i was a kid. Exploring, testing, learning and absorbed totally in what Im doing and loving it. Not sure if can imagine yet being in healthy relationship since romantic relationships are such the breeding ground for my BPD so for now leave that aside. Just that I am really engaged, focused on my job and hobbies, able to be with friends in a light way, listening and laughing...able to GIVE. Glad to be alive.

Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.

‘D’- coworker who doesnt quite get all my issues or BPD, but none the less tries his best to listen and be supportive.

this forum - a HUGE support resource and who better to understand and advise on BPD issues than the recovering(ed) themselves. Its a crucial part.

girlfriend - this needs to stop since my issues center around her/our relationship. its not healthy for her to be supporting me all the time.
I can see now I do need more real-life support. My family? ive tried but again too close to issues and they dont get it so it ends up just making me feel worse. Not really a resource. Friends? most have fallen by the wayside so to speak either from neglect (as I focused all my energy and time on the relationship) or they grew weary of listening to the same stories or were uncomfortable with my openness/frankness about my condition. Therapist? I am weary on that one...tried soooo hard to find one that gets the issue or is even learned about it (I am in a foreign country that is about 20 years behind the US in the mental health field). The docs that DO speak english for one reason or another don’t seem to be a good fit so to speak. Not getting the jist of my issues.

Discuss past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.

I have tried various SSRIs and other meds in the past and aside from general numbing effect on my personality, they caused other problems that didnt make the gain i was getting worth it. Perhaps for acute episodes i would consider an anti-anxiety but generally speaking, for me, I see this as a way to treat symptoms rather than causes and ive seen no long term efficacy in my case. If it works well for others then its thats great.

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-“Your greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.”
-"The greatest con that he ever pulled...was making you believe...that he is you."

(quotes from movie "Revolver")


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 6:22 pm 
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Recovery from BPD
Is it even possible? I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight it. I feel sick most of the time, and I can't sleep or eat well. I often feel hopeless. I think about suicide a lot. I've fought so hard, but I don't seem to get better. I want to get better, and I know I have the outer attributes to succeed. I have a lot of stability in my life. I'm about to finish a masters, I've been working full time at the same job for four years, I'm financially secure, though not wealthy, I own a condo, I've had the same friends for years-often for more than a decade (since I was in high school or college). I feel like I could lose it at any moment though. It's so hard for me to concentrate, and it's such an effort to go to work, to clean up the condo, to do my laundry, to cook. I often feel like I should be in a hospital but I don't go because I don't want to lose my job, and I have to pay the bills.

As a recovered Borderline
I won't feel so scared all the time. I won't think about suicide. I won't feel so empty. I'll be able to be alone without falling apart. I won't feel panic when I'm not in a relationship. I won't cut myself. I'll feel happy and not lost. I'll have better impulse control and I won't have panic attacks. My stomach won't hurt. I'll be able to eat.

Support system

C&K, two old friends. I Have known them for 10 years and they are like my substitute parents. They love me and want me to get better. They are two of my best friends and I can tell them anything and they will support me.

B: my host mom in Germany. I can always call her for support, but she gets upset and tells me I'm thinking all wrong and I would get better if I wanted to get better.

All my friends: I have a lot and they care about me but I don't tell them how sick I am. I rarely take people into my confidence. We have fun together and they care about me and I leave it at that. I feel like it's manipulation to tell people how sick I really am.

D: We dated at one point and may again. We are a great fit in every way except that she is not out to her employees and business associates and she spends a lot of time with them socially. It makes it awkward for me and for her, and she worries that she should not ask me to stay in the closet around them. I let one of her employees know that we were together semi-accidentally and confessed to D. I didn't do any real damage, and it was bound to happen, but she was understandably disappointed and backed off. We are still friends, but I am afraid to ask too much of her. She knows that I have bpd, but doesn't really understand what that means or how I struggle with it.


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 12:38 pm 
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Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.

- I believe that I am more in remission than in "recovery" from BPD but as for getting to a higher level of healthy emotionally it evokes several emotions. Part of me is excited for the idea that I can achieve more resilience and balance within life - so I welcome it. On the other hand, I fear the unknown. There is some benefit from living in the manner I have. There is a relief from actual responsibility and effort that is necessarily to achieve a healthier life. And so it's almost like I'm too comfortable to make change. Overall, there is a stronger desire to make change than to maintain where I am at.

Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.
-I envision my life to have increased quality in my interpersonal relationships, coping responses, and overall physical and emotional wellness.

Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.

-My fiance - main support system, I talk with her openly about my issues past and present - I take a lot of risks with her.

-Friend- I've recently established more boundaries with my main friend given that I felt like she was too needy for the limited amount of time that I have that isn't dedicated to work/school/fiance relationship. She has been supportive when I've struggled in my intimate relationship and other life stressors

-Siblings/family - I talk with siblings less often than than I'd like. I actually feel closest with 2 and not so much with the other 3 in terms of support. I feel like they don't understand what's going on for me. I tend not to talk to them because I feel guilty for not being closer geographically and for avoiding certain familial problems.


Discuss past experiences (if any) you’ve had with medications, and explore your feelings about medications as part of your recovery.
-I currently take medication for depression. I have taken meds on and off for the past 8 years or so. I do not anticipate taking meds for the rest of my life but have embraced their help during very trying times. I mostly fear the impact on my physical health - perhaps it might harm me in the long run?


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 Post subject: Re: Is Recovery Possible - Homework
PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:27 pm 
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• Write about your feelings as you consider the possibility of your own recovery from BPD.
Wow…just the possibility of feeling better brings me such wonderful feelings of joy. I have days, sometimes several in a row, where I do okay. Then a trigger will hit and throw my whole world into a Tsunami of pain. As I stand now, it takes me a very long time to “get back on track” . The thought that this program can give me tools to live a managable life just makes me feel happy and encouraged. I believe if I can actually benefit from this and get better that I can take what I’ve learned and one day maybe help someone else so they don’t ever feel the way I do.
• Write about how you envision your life as a recovered Borderline.
I envision my life as a recovered Borderline to be one where I have a quiet mind more often than not. I envision not feeling guilty for having Borderline in the first place and instead embracing it as a way to give others hope. I envision the peace in the eyes and heart of my guy because he no longer feels like he’s walking on eggshells and he knows I’m okay. I envision my Mother’s releif as she realizes that her daughter will be okay. I envision my chldren knowing mommy is okay. I envision completing something, maybe even getting a job! I envision being able to be in social situations and still being able to catch my breath. I envision happyiness and peace of mind.
• Identify members of your support system and give a brief description of their role in your life.
My boyfriend…he’s my gental giant and rock. And I know, even in my most borderline moment…he loves me. His love inspires me to want to get well just to see his smile.
My Mom…she’s always there for me, even when I forget that.
My Children…they love me unconditionally by default, they make me want to get better and I intend to so that they will be proud of their Mom.
My Church…I’ve found hope within it’s doors.


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