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 Post subject: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Mon Mar 29, 2010 10:48 pm 
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my husband and i are so tired and worried about our daughter, 13 diagnosed with bpd, odd and mdd. we can't get her the care she needs. we are working the legal system to try to get help with residential care of some kind.

my boundaries all revolve around my safety as well as hers....when she violates my boundaries the consequence is of a legal nature. tomorrow we go to juvenile probation for a "crisis intervention" appointment (how can they call it that when you have to come between 9-5 m-f by appointment only :/ ?)

last thurs. when i reminded my daughter that she would not have online access because she had not done her homework or brushed her teeth the day before all hell broke loose. she engaged in every kind of behavior that we have been working to cope with for months on end. all in the same day....that's a new all time low for us. everything from si to suicidal threats....threats to punch me in the face and run away (which she did...run away that is). the system is so broken that we can't get her the help she needs because when mhmr gets involved they won't place her unless she is CURRENTLY a threat to herself or others....by the time mhmr sees her she is calmed down and no longer raging. so they don't place her. our insurance won't pay, we can't afford residential treatment.....still paying for the last acute care facility from july........

i've talked to everyone i can think of....sheriff and juv. probation can't really help unless she threatens me with a deadly weapon or actually hurts me.......how sad. tonite her therapist actually told me i "may have to take a punch" wow

we make too much $ to qualify for financial help and too little $ to pay for residential care.......what to do?

juvenile probation says they will start building a file on her to possibly get a CINS (conduct in need of supervision) which might lead to an appearance before the county judge.....if i can get to him first with all the info on my daughter....we may have a chance for placement in an rtc....if not he could send her to juvenile detention.

thursday's' episode got her a citation so we will have to go to jp court sometime soon.....any suggestions on what would be affective for a 13 yr. old girl? taking away something she enjoys would only cause her more pain. :(
so sad for all of us

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 10:41 am 
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Wow. That's tough. It sounds like she really, really needs some form of intensive treatment. It makes me angry that a family that is trying to help their daughter learn to be healthy is hitting a brick wall.

I have to ask: what country do you live in? It would help to know as these sorts of issues can have different solutions in different countries.

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 1:55 pm 
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the good ole' us of a!


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 7:14 pm 
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Yeah, we can suck at these things. :( Is there any sort of referral her school can do? I understand that you make "too much money" for some services, but I know that (at least here in Florida) there are agencies who work on a sliding scale depending on family income situations.

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 11:55 am 
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dear trinity,

thanks for your reply.

school refers to mhmr....round and round we go. pdoc is filing an cme. certificate of medical examination. then talking to mhmr to see where they stand. if my d becomes suicidal/violent she would go to the county hospital....we would end up w/the bill as our insurance won't pay for hospital care due to si or suicidal attempt/threats. if mhmr won't place her (and maybe even if they do) we could still get stuck with another debt to pay off. the best case scenario through mhmr is a short term stay at the state hospital....what good will that do? not much in my opinion. husband and i have decided she needs an rtc. have found many good ones but insurance won't pay or will only pay 1 month. she needs long term.....at least 7 months in my opinion. at a round 7300.00 a month we are faced with jeopardizing our financial security (my husband is 62) or stepping back and letting our d continue down this path of self destruction. i choose the rtc and trust that God will help us through...my husband is not on board. what is a mom to do? :cry :cry :cry

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 7:57 pm 
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Forgive me if you stated this before, but is she in outpatient care now? I'm thinking that at least until you can work out something for long term care, maybe daily or bi-weekly sessions as an outpatient would help. I understand her reluctance to disclose or talk to a T (I'm assuming; it sounds like it from what you've said) but even if she just goes in and sits without talking for the hour at first she may find herself opening up after she realizes therapy isn't going to end just because she's opositional. I don't know. I do know that I wish my parents had forced even outpatient care with a T specializing in the type of issues your daughter has.

And another thing......are you keeping a file of some kind of the behaviors? I mean like a daily record or journal-- when and what happened, including everything from a hurtful comment or disobeying rules to the physical stuff. I would also document the 'cause' or whatever was going on before the outburst/issue and even what happens in order for her to cool down (time?, space?, getting her way?, etc.). Maybe your case would be stronger if you had daily documentation, or even just have it to try to become aware of the triggers that set her off (specifically). You may already be doing such, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Even if the pros are 'building a file', it might help you and her to have one for yourself.

It sounds like you are in a very tough situation and I feel for you. I hope that you can find the care she needs, for her sake as well as yours. I know that it can be very frustrating and difficult on you......but the more you can model the behavior you are looking for within her and set good boundaries, the better for all of you in the long run. As in, even if she makes the arguments 'dirty' (name calling, verbal or physical abuse) you don't have to yell or name-call back. I'm not trying to suggest that you are or anything....just I know with my H when he would yell or get aggressive, me staying calm and rational helped to diffuse him. It's hard though it can be done.

Best wishes,
Harmonium

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 7:46 am 
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dear harmonium,

thanks for your concern. to answer your ?s

she/i have been in therapy w/the same t for over a year. 4 months ago he started using dbt w/her. i have learned the techniques and study on my own.....d13 won't use the dbt skills we are being taught.

regarding journals: i have kept a daily journal and behaviors/emotion chart on my d since feb. of 09. can't really point to a cycle of behaviors except she does get a bit more sensitive right before her period (who doesn't!). this binder has had to be split because it won't hold all the papers. i started this originally because of the fear of false accusations of abuse that can be common among disordered teens. thankfully she has not tried that and has been on record several times that she has never been abused.

regarding reactions: unlike my d13 i do use the dbt skills as well as validation, SET, Dearman, taking space, etc. i don't react in emotionally extreme ways. this really seems to escalate her behaviors as she states she "wants to bring me down" with her.

this is why we are in such a state of helplessness. we are "doing all we can" (according to mhmr) and then some and d13 is not getting any better. an rtc is our best option. husband is talking about a spiritual intervention. i am ok w/that as long as d13 is too. i don't want to get into an ordeal that could result in "spiritual abuse" by forcing something on her that could cause psychological or emotional damage. even the most well meaning actions on our part are misconstrued as "controlling, mean, hateful, and life ruining" by my d13.

still looking into rtc's.... my parents want to help financially.....husband still not "all in". driving me nutts! frustration w/him is causing my stress level to go through the roof. i can't handle his inconsistency and screwed up priorities (my opinion) and the pain of watching my d13 suffer........too much for me. :cry


lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 8:26 pm 
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It does sound as if you are trying every avenue available to you, lbjnltx. I'm sorry that I can't really offer any other advice or help getting her into treatment. This sounds very tough for your whole family.

I would add though.......in my experience, people don't get better from things like this until they want to. Even in long-term care, I've known people that simply said what they thought the supervisors/psychiatrists/therapists wanted to hear rather than actually participating in the therapy. Lip service I suppose. It can be easy in a situation like that to just tell someone the 'right' things in order to 'prove' release is the best option......but it's not always true. I know they are trained to see through that sort of thing.....but I also know many who've succeeded in duping the pros in order to expedite release, myself included.

I'm not trying to discourage you; quite the opposite actually. Because this really depends on her wanting to get better/healthier/learn coping skills, I'm thinking that as a parent you know your child best. What would make it 'worth it' to her to get the help she needs? As in.....it's my belief that acting out such as you describe or BPD actually benefits the person afflicted on some level. At least it 'works' for them on some level, even if it's in a dysfunctional way. There is a usually a payoff of some kind for acting out, even if it's not a conscious thing. I'm thinking that in order for you to help her to help herself (because no matter what, it really is up to her to accept and participate in treatment) you or a T or someone has to find that 'something' that makes it worth-while for her. I hope that makes sense......IMO until the idea or benefits of working toward stability outweighs the payoff she's getting now (I know that can hard to fathom!)....... it can be just so much 'easier' to stay in that dysfunction (hard or draining as that may be, change can be even more difficult at first or at least terrifying!).

Another thought would be to be certain she understands that just because she has acted this way or has diagnoses, it's not a life sentence. Getting better IS possible......for a long time I believed that my dysfunctional ways were just part of who I was. In fact, most of my identity revolved around my dysfunction and low self-esteem. I didn't think I was worth more, even though it made me worse when I acted out against my family or friends.....I didn't think I could help it, so it just made the depression and guilt worse. I didn't realize life didn't have to be that way; that I didn't have to be that way. Just grasping the concept that a person can change (and maybe even enjoy and relish in who they become!) was absolutely HUGE for me. Light bulb moment kinda thing. Do you think she understands that just because this is the way she is now she doesn't always have to be so?

In the meantime.....be sure to take care of you. I know how easily one can become lost themselves while taking care of someone with an emotional or mental issue. Warm baths and massages go a long way for me, not to mention my daily run! I hope that you are able to find some time to recharge yourself too.

You have probably done or are doing much of what I just stated, but I thought it couldn't hurt to mention. I wish you all the best of luck and success finding a facility for her that can really help.

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Wed Apr 07, 2010 7:48 am 
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dear harmonium,

thanks for the input. i have some ?s. if it is ok and you are comfortable answering.

you state that you wish your parents had forced you into treatment. why? how old were you when you first started having disordered thinking, emotional reactions, and behaviors? did you have bpd traits at that time?

do you think that (and i'm assuming as a teen you would have been resistant to change/residential treatment) an 8 month stay in an rtc, all girl sin your age group, small town setting, dbt individual and group, experiential therapy, being away from the people who you state you despise the most, would have created an environment that prompted you to change and realize that you needed to.

as for my d13 having the knowledge that she can change and that she needs to change ..... yes. she has stated that it is not her fault she has these disorders and that there is nothing she can do about it. my response to her has been to acknowledge that she is correct.... it is not her fault and at the same time she does have the responsibility to work on herself and use the tools she has been presented with to recover from these disorders. does she accept ownership of her therapy, behaviors, emotions, etc.......no.

you ask the ? what would make it worth it to her to start the process of accepting responsibility for change? i have no idea. really, i can't figure it out. because she has odd it really complicates her treatment and reactions to triggers. the word "no" is enough to send her into a rage and complete melt down.

this rtc treatment will most likely be the only one we will ever be able to give her. if it doesn't work i am scarred of what will happen to her in her future. the way i see it, she only has one more year of jr. high school and then she hits high school and will have the capacity to fulfill her disordered fantasies. boys much older than her, transportation to do and go where she is not able to make healthy choices, access to drugs and alcohol. if she doesn't get some skills before high school............the results could be permanent and devastating. anyway i look at it, the risk is high.

look forward to your reply. God bless you for taking the time and using the energy to help me and my precious daughter. i can't express how much it means to me to have your opinions based on experience and insight wrapped in compassion.

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 7:39 am 
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Hi lbjnltx,

I'm happy to answer any questions you might have that will help you to help her or help you to keep yourself sane while dealing with such issues. I'm part of this site to help myself and to help others, so no question is really too personal for me (other than my name, lol!). However, I'm on my way out the door right now so I don't have time atm. I just wanted to reply that I am interested in furthering this discussion and will be back on-line this afternoon.

In the meantime:
Quote:
as for my d13 having the knowledge that she can change and that she needs to change ..... yes. she has stated that it is not her fault she has these disorders and that there is nothing she can do about it. my response to her has been to acknowledge that she is correct.... it is not her fault and at the same time she does have the responsibility to work on herself and use the tools she has been presented with to recover from these disorders. does she accept ownership of her therapy, behaviors, emotions, etc.......no.

I really strongly believe that this is part of the 'key' to helping her stabilize. If she doesn't believe it's possible......it won't be. Your response to her sounds great to me......you can only do so much and then it's up to her. I would keep repeating what you have said above over and over and over, maybe rephrasing or relating it to some part of her she has changed or somehow she has taken responsibility for something (lateral thinking type of thing).

Okay, gotta go but will respond to you post later today! :biggrin

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Thu Apr 08, 2010 8:31 pm 
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Let me begin with something my Grandfather (who was Really important to me growing up) said when I was about 14. All my life before and really all during my teens, the focus was always on "what do you want to be when you grow up?" kinda questions. Well, I wanted to be lots of (vague) things and really, I was expected by my family to 'turn out' to be a very professional, high-paid, productive member of society. I come from the country-club set and from a family that bases identity on occupation.....I no longer base my identity on what I do for a living, but that's another point. What I'm getting at is one day, my Pops, instead of asking what I wanted to be as an adult he asked me "Harmonium, who do you want to be right now?". This was HUGE for me. It allowed me the space to think in terms of this moment and somehow conveyed to me that who I became in the future was largely dependent on who I wanted to be at 14 and how closely I could align my actions towards those goals.

I suppose what I'm trying to convey is if you can get her to realize that though our actions do not define us as people (IMHO), they do show the world or the outside of who we are. They tell our story, from our choice of occupation to what we wear, etc.. I wanted to be honest, caring, productive, intelligent, a person with integrity--- but I realized then that none of my actions at 14 conveyed who I was then or were in line with who I wanted to be "when I grew up". That question helped me learn that who I would become started right then. My choices at 14 would build that foundation of my personality. I hope there is a way for you or your H or her T to convey to her that she gets to decide right now who she wants to be as a person and her actions are how we communicate that to the world. Maybe you could even tell her how/what her current actions convey about her personality. My thinking is that she won't want to be seen as 'manipulative' or 'defiant' or whatever.....but then you would have to give her tools to learn to change whatever she decides she wants to. I can't say that I immediately began acting in accordance with my Authentic Self.....but it planted the seed.

Okay, in answer to your questions:
Quote:
you state that you wish your parents had forced you into treatment. why? how old were you when you first started having disordered thinking, emotional reactions, and behaviors? did you have bpd traits at that time?

My Mom died when I was 12 and that was a real turning point for me. I was overcome with grief-- I didn't understand that one of the best ways to honor her and what she had been through would have been to live my life to the fullest.......I allowed that grief to set in motion a very serious downward spiral. Looking back though.....there were signs (emotional reactions inappropriate to the situation/disordered thinking/etc) from an early age (like 5-6) that I wasn't good at dealing with or identifying my own emotions. I am told that I cried quite a bit as a baby and I've always been shy too, though now I've overcome that one. A lot of my childhood I had to 'stuff' all those heavy emotions because really, illness like my Mom had was 'no one's fault' so I didn't feel I had a right to be angry about it or even to express my sadness over it. I felt I had to be 'strong' for my Mom because no matter what I was feeling, what she was going through was obviously worse. Learning to identify and express my emotions effectively was really what pulled me away from my BPD behaviors......but for me that took a really, really long time. So I guess the real trouble for me, real BPD-type behaviours really set in around the time of my mother's death (age 12) but I believe all my experiences leading up to that kinda set me up for emotional disturbance.

When I was 14, my father tried to place me in a long-term care facility. At the time, I was in high school (I went to an accelerated program) and had just completed a course in basic psychology. He and I had been fighting almost constantly. I was skipping school quite a bit and dabbling in drugs and sex. Also, he had re-married the year before and I really didn't get along with my step-mother. My parents divorced when I was 3 so it wasn't that I felt she was 'replacing' my mom or anything, but she has many emotional issues of her own (she even asked my dad to choose between me and her when I was 14). She has OCD (very, very severe) and is still severely anorexic. Anyway, Dad put me into this facility one night very much against my will. I had run away from home the previous day (actually, my step-mom kicked me out for not facing my shampoo bottles front-wise, I just didn't plan on coming back) and I was actually high on LSD at the time, so going in was pretty traumatic. When I got there, yes I resented everything about the place. I didn't think they could help me because I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. Sad thing is.....I was admitted for long-term care, as in no one had ever left the program I was in before at least 6 weeks. Well, I was a bright kid I suppose-- at least well-practice in manipulating the adults around me (very shameful for me now!). I knew that if I requested certain tests by name, they had to administer them by law. I knew what to say in therapy to get myself out of there. I knew I had to follow all the rules (including having a good appetite) to show that there was 'nothing' wrong with me. I also knew how to 'beat' the tests--- I got out in 10 days with the ultimate decision by the psychiatrists that there was nothing wrong with me and it was really my home environment causing the trouble. I was my own worst enemy.

I wish they hadn't bought my bulls#@$. I wish they had forced treatment on me because if I really had to stay there for 6 months or longer.....well, it was daily, constant therapy. I would not have been able to keep up my charade for that long, so looking back I think that yes I would have eventually submitted and really learned some life skills to help me cope without outbursts or drugs or sex. If I had been kept there I wouldn't have had a choice but to learn. It really is true, or at least it was for me, that though I defied my Dad almost constantly and didn't act as if I heard what he was saying......I did hear it. I just didn't know how to implement it or even think I was 'worthy' of help like that. As it was.....I moved out of my father's home roughly 2 months after he tried to get me in that facility (right after I turned 15; been on my own since). I was so angry with him not only for putting me in there (because I didn't believe skipping or smoking pot was worthy of ltc) but because he paid for it out of my college trust fund and that really pissed me off. I resented him for years for that.....now I see he was at the end of his rope and believed the benefits of the care outweighed my need for the college money (I wouldn't have made it to collage at the rate I was going!). Looking back, I really appreciate all he did and all he tried to do.....I just couldn't hear it at the time.
Quote:
this rtc treatment will most likely be the only one we will ever be able to give her. if it doesn't work i am scarred of what will happen to her in her future. the way i see it, she only has one more year of jr. high school and then she hits high school and will have the capacity to fulfill her disordered fantasies. boys much older than her, transportation to do and go where she is not able to make healthy choices, access to drugs and alcohol. if she doesn't get some skills before high school............the results could be permanent and devastating. anyway i look at it, the risk is high.

I know it seems like her future is going to be horrible based on what she's doing/how she's acting now and I don't blame you for being scared for her.....but that choice is still up to her. I would begin with very small displays of consequences....i.e. have her stay up all night and show her that by doing so, she won't be functional the next day or let her eat only ice cream for a week and see how she feels physically-- or whatever you can think of that will reach her and not cause permanent damage. You could even follow that week of junk food (after she sees it makes her sluggish and not well) with a week or total health food (nothing but really high-vitamin foods, complex carbs, fish, etc.) and then let her see the difference. Then you can relate that same cause/effect idea to something more serious like her choices of behavior. It's an idea; I do realize that from what it sounds like you are doing all that you can. Maybe you could have her write a journal while you are doing the cause/effect thing......in my experience, even if it just happened a week ago, at 13 I would have denied I felt bad just so that I could be 'right'. Silly looking back, but it's good for me to admit these past behaviors even now to help remind me how easily I could fall back into old patterns.

And not to burst your bubble or scare you more or anything.....but I was smoking pot and drinking in jr. high. I was dating a high school guy when I was in 8th grade. I'm just trying to say that those things are probably available to her now (at least they were for me). Yes, it's more prevelant and easier to obtain these things in high school....but you may already be at that time where her choices have the potential for life-effecting consequences. I don't mean to hurt you in any way by saying the above....I just thought it would help you to know that for me, it started actually before your D's age.

I would also point out that although I placed myself in some really, really horrible situations in my youth-- I survived and I'm good now. I'm happily married trying to start a family of my own. I have an occupation that I love and I'm close with my father and my in-laws as well as some really good friends. I do have some tattoos that I got at 18.....but I still love them. I love my life, problems and all. Most important.....I finally feel like I've become the person I always wanted to be. That's priceless to me......but the reality is for me, I probably wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't been through all that rough stuff. I'm not saying I'm glad I made those choices, but at least I can finally say I learned from them and I believe they are part of what makes me, me. :biggrin

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 7:36 am 
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dear harmonium,

thanks for taking so much time and energy to reply and help. i wish that my d13 would allow me to guide her or even listen to my thoughts and suggestions. because of the odd/bpd combo she dismisses most everything i try to help with. sometimes we just have to face the fact that we are not the ones who can reach our child. the key is to find the person/people who will be able to reach her and help guide her........that is where the research comes in on rtc's and th. board. schools.

i have decided (95%) to go ahead and place her around the first of june. my husband is not on board. he changes his mind a lot about it....this am he asked me to consider changing her therapist. wow that's a big deal. it has taken a year for her t to build a relationship w/my d13. i had made an exhaustive search for the person best qualified and willing to work w/my d about 1 year ago. there are many pros and cons i suppose but the thought of starting the search all over makes me feel very tired.

i will keep you updated as time, energy and circumstances allow..........God bless you on your journey to wholeness............you are very special to me......i believe you are an invaluable woman w/much to offer anyone who seeks you out. thanks so much for caring about my precious d and my family.......

BIG HUGS TO YOU

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Apr 18, 2010 9:25 am 
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Big hugs right back at you! :biggrin Your kind words mean a lot to me.

I admire you and what you are doing so very much. Your daughter is lucky to have you, even if she doesn't show it now. I wish all the best for you and your family.

(((((lbjnltx))))))

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 11:18 am 
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dear harmonium,

hope that you are doing well today!

going today to see about a home equity loan to send d13 to a rti in utah. have had extensive contact w/them and talked to several references. they seem to fit all the criteria for what my d13 needs. dear husband in finally on board! whew!

d13 passed all of her classes for this period. made her first "c" ever :| had a meeting w/school counselor and v. principal on fri. they suggested placing d in after school program for 1 hr. 2 days a week. said ok. then they call me back and tell me that the program is already full of students needing to make up unexcused absences... talked to jp judge about ticket....told me he would talk to county judge....county judge told him to talk to county attorney....county attorney told him to talk to county judge....he got the same run a round i get...he told me he keeps "hitting a wall" i told him "i know how you feel". he is dismissing the citation issued to my d13 for verbal and physical abuse....he didn't want us to have to pay $350 since i am the victim in the ordeal.

planning to travel to the potential rtc next month to check into it personally.

hope is still alive in me!

hugs to you again.

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:25 pm 
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lbjnltx,

Sounds like all in all, things are progressing. :D Thank you sincerely for the updates-- I am interested to hear how things go for you and your D.

The Utah place sounds ideal. I hope it turns out to be and won't totally break the bank (I know how expensive these places can get!). It sucks that you will have to take out an extra loan against your home.....but in the long run the financial price might be cheaper than another kind.

I'm also relieved to hear your H is on board. It must make it even more difficult when you and he don't necessarily agree on treatment/options.......but I suppose we all have our own way of processing and filters and such. I'm glad you two are working together and I hope it gives you much needed strength!

Keep that hope alive as much as you can. I have a feeling things will/might get a little 'worse' before they get better (defiant behavior at the thought of being sent away and such), but I firmly believe you are taking some really beneficial steps for your d. I know I've said it before but I really mean it when I say she's lucky to have you fighting for her long-term benefit. You really are an amazing Mom!

Big hugs back to you. I am okay. Been a rough day physically (I have auto-immune issues/Lupus), but hope to be back to myself tomorrow. Please keep us updated as time/energy allows. I would love to hear what the place in Utah turns out to be like. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of you!

All my best,
H

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"Pain is resistance to change."
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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2010 9:28 pm 
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dear harmonium,

just wanted to stop in and say hello. i still ponder the stories of your youth and try to gain insight into how they might relate to my d13. we have had a really good week so far and i hope it continues....well sort of...this might sound bad, but it really makes it hard to go ahead w/plans to check into rtc's when she is acting so normal. she is pretty happy all in all lately. she still won't do her homework or brush her teeth at night or wear her retainer..........ahhhhhhh teenagers!

we stopped the home equity loan process because it was so very intrusive! wanting signed releases for the irs to check out our tax returns.....just what we need....a big red flag next to our names to invite an audit! don't have anything to hide but the sheer stress would push me over the edge i'm sure. so i tt my mom and dad (they offered to help w/$ before in regards to an rtc) and they are going to help w/ a loan. it will be enough to get us started and we can save up enough (i think) to keep her in for almost a year. got my fingers crossed! my mom is going to go w/me to utah to check into 2 places that are at the top of my list of rtcs being considered. if you have time and are willing, i would like your opinion on how they sound. if you can go back in time, knowing what you know now about yourself, would either of these places bring out the desire in you to work on yourself? i will send the names of them to you via personal message if that is ok. let me know.

i hope you are feeling well lately. does the pollen and the wind cause your autoimmune disease to flare up? i have a friend w/ms and the warm weather really causes her a lot of problems!

looking forward to hearing back from you and see how you are.

BIG HUGGGGGSSSSS

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:02 am 
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Hi Ibjnltx!!

Good to 'see' you. I've only got a minute this morning to write, but I wanted to reply. You are very welcome to PM me anytime. I will certainly try my best to assist! I do have some thoughts for you on the 'normal' behavior, but I will go into them in PM for lack of time today if that's okay.

The loan stuff sounds crazy-making. I can understand (even with nothing to hide) why you wouldn't want that big red flag next to your name! I'm so glad to learn that your D's grandparents are involved and willing to help you all out. As I've said, by grandparents were also great to me; I can't image growing up without that role model.

Thanks for asking about me and my Lupus. No, the pollen doesn't really bother me (though we have A LOT of it here!). What does irritate my AI is the damp cold or the damp heat (which we also get quite a bit of, though not yet this year). Really, any extreme in temp, mainly when mixed with high humidity. But I'm managing. I've starting working with a personal trainer and that is helping me to stay active.

Well, I gotta go. I look forward to hearing about the places you are looking at for your d. I will check back here early evening today (it's almost 9 am here).

Sending you big hugs and lots of comfort!! I hope you have a great day! :D

H

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:59 am 
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Will jump back later when I have more time...but wanted to throw this out there while I'm thinkg about it. I would strongly suggest you look up NAMI (National Allience for Mental Illness) in your area and see if they have the Parent to Parent group. They also have resources for parents on their website nami.org (Ash--hope it is okay to post other websites here, didn't see anything in the TOS). Not only will they be able to give you support, they will also likely be able to tell you more about the laws in your state and resources that are available.

Also, I don't know what the exact terms of the parity act are for children and private insurance companies, but I know Medicaid is not allowed to differentiate between inpatient care for general mental health issues & inpatient care for suicidal intent. I've been able to qualify for more services because of the parity act, my insurance didn't want to tell me about them but when I went to them with the facts they didn't have a choice. May be worth looking into.


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:06 am 
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Please feel free to PM me as well with the info on the programs you are considering. I am located in UT and familiar with most of the RTC's, there are a couple with huge red flags! The one I've been most concerned about is under new management after reports of physical & sexual abuse...but I'm still leery of it.

Some are certainly better than others...but most are based on a behaviorist model, which I've found reduces symptoms but doesn't necessarily solve the underlying issues. You want to make sure to find a program that offers validation & emotional support for root causes, in addition to structure and routine.


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Fri Sep 24, 2010 11:50 am 
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update on daughter 13 w/bpd, mdd, odd

placed my daughter on june 2. the trip went well. no fights, fears, or drama...ok!

no contact for 2 weeks while she settled in. started family therapy once per week via telephone. started social call once per week as well.

just got back from our first family weekend at the rtc.

daughter (14 next month) is doing awesome! too much detail to write about.....just so very pleased with the choices we made and how very very hard she is working. will have a 3 day visit w/her next month off campus. looking forward to her first home visit (if all continues to go well) at christmas.

the therapist is using dbt skills w/my daughter....just sent her some info on getting books to adapt dbt to teens. the equine therapy is going exceptionally well and group therapy is coming along finally. daughter is on the list for neurofeedback therapy...i am studying it now to get some understanding.

there is hope for healing when there is breathe still in us.

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 10:25 am 
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I'm glad things are going so well! Keep us updated. :)

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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Sun Sep 26, 2010 8:10 pm 
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i shall trinity.

i don't see harmonium on anymore. i hope she is doing ok.
she helped me so much in understanding my daughter and her thoughts and feelings.

harmonium is a very kind and compassionate person. she gave much of herself to help our family.

i know there are many more people just like her here on this site.

lbjnltx


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 Post subject: Re: keeping afloat while we work the system for daughter 13 w/bp
PostPosted: Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:03 am 
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update on my daughter

daughter, 14 came home for a visit at Christmas. wow! she is awesome....so proud of how hard she has worked on herself at the rtc. she will most likely graduate the program in mid march! when she comes home she wants to start a PPC group. (positive peer culture) i hope that she does! i think it will be a good experience and continue to reinforce in her all that she is learning in ppc at the treatment center.

she has such good coping skills now...she is so precious!


lbjnltx


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