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 Post subject: Frustration vent
PostPosted: Wed Jan 26, 2011 11:50 am 
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I am soooo frustrated!!!! I am so fricken totally completely frustrated!!!!!!! I can't get traction. I am so missing the time a few months ago when things were going well for me. It was amazing. I cant get that time back. I cant figure out how to do it! I feel like i keep trying the same things i did then, but nothing is working now! Im soooo frustrated@!!!!!! oh man im so frustrated!!!!

Times like these i do wonder if meds would be the huge key i havnet been able to use. I cant tolerate meds, they make me sick. my body is not strong enough to tolerate them. Then i wonder if im just a fricken wimp. if it's not the lack of stabilizing medication, but if it's just ME! arghhhh!!!!!

Cant even follow my thoughts. cant keep an image of myself. cant feel a relationship wtih myself. so fricken lonely too. so isolated here at home alone too many hours, sick.

Times like these i also think my therapist might tell me to use the tool (that never worked for me for 1.5 years, even though he kept telling me to use it....makes me tempted to not trust msyelf....why would he tell me to use a tool that dindt work?!)....he'd tell me to say this: I am not my feelings. I am not my thoughts. I am not my body sensations. I have feelings, thoughts, body sensations, I am the one having them, but I am not them. I am the one who is aware. I am the observer. I am the observer of these feelings and thoughts.

crap, that actually kinda helped. sometimes it would help if i was around other supportive people, but never on my own, which is when i needed it. guess it helped feeling the support here online. so im a fricken wimp. im so needy, dependent. i'll never get well! a;df2309234!@$!#%@#%$@#$%@$# ARgh!!!!! im too damaged! or im just BAD. BAD BAD BAD. im a bad person who wont do what it takes to get well. Or can't? Or wont! Or cant or wont.

@#%@#$@#$^#$%^#%@%$#!!!!!

Who the helllll am I????!!!!!!

I am soooo lonely!!!

I think i need to change that in my life. there are too many hours im alone at home and not able to do anything when no one is here. Not music. not tv, cant do those cuz of my (physical) illness. The computer is very hard. i dont know what to do though...there is nothing i can predictably do. it's so hard to have friends because I cant follow what they are saying. it's so suffocating to have caregivers because it's so regressive. and yet im too sick for friends. i do keep trying to make them, but i cant even get out to make them.

I am such a mess. I am sooo sooo soo frustrated!


Argh!!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Re: Frustration vent
PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 9:19 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
Hey Liz-

I have been where you are.

Have you checked out Byron Katie? "The work" ? You can see it for free on youtube.

Also, as for being isolated and in pain. Either of those two things can cause severe psychiatric and emotional problems in very healthy people if it goes on long term. Put BD ontop of that and you are dealing with a HUGE load.

SO!

One step at a time, ok?

What you did a few months ago was possible then. It is obviously not possible now. NOW, you can find something else.

I wound up hanging out with a small church group I happened to wander into.

if you think you "can't" - lemmie tell you- I did it without a car in a state where there is no way to get anywhere without one, without ever having heard of them before, I went to all the functions I could if I cared about them or not. When I was in pain, when I couldn't walk, when I had almost no money AND agoraphobic!

I just kept going and got to know people.

I now have a lot of friends who know I am sick and will hang out with me to accomodate the illness, the fact I have no car and am dirt poor.

I had to piece together rides, and go down flights of stairs on my ass, hope I wouldn't get stranded if I could get a ride one way and didn't know if I'd have a ride back- blow some money on Taxi's which I needed for other stuff...used caregivers to transport me (that's something you can do because you have them already- part of their servivces) -

i had to use the caregivers to take me to the pool and I could see people I knew there....

how about leaning on them to drive you around to things?

There is also a medicare bus in most states that can transport you to certain stuff...

how about to free support groups at your local NAMI chapter?

what other free groups are around you (meetup.com/org) that you can have someone transport you to a few days a week? What about any kind of excercise? can you go to physical therapy? Can you go to a therapy pool which is heated to a higher tepm (not sure what is your malady)...

lets think about it!

I am where you are too right now- I am trying to put a new thing together and after a few months of sliding backwards I am very upset and frustrated---I totally get it


Surreal


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 Post subject: Re: Frustration vent
PostPosted: Sat Jan 29, 2011 12:08 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:35 pm
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Surreal you said:

Have you checked out Byron Katie? "The work" ? You can see it for free on youtube.

I have heard of it. Haven't seen it recently. Thanks for the idea. I've been going to a bit of Course in Miracles and trying to explore other spiritual groups.

Also, as for being isolated and in pain. Either of those two things can cause severe psychiatric and emotional problems in very healthy people if it goes on long term. Put BD ontop of that and you are dealing with a HUGE load.

I appreciate hearing that from someone else. That helps. Thank you.

SO!

One step at a time, ok?

What you did a few months ago was possible then. It is obviously not possible now. NOW, you can find something else.

I think I am. Slowly. I appreciate what you wrote here and for your encouragement and empathy. will write more later. Thank you for the support Surreal, especially with all that you are going through and what you have to contend with right now yourself.

I am where you are too right now- I am trying to put a new thing together and after a few months of sliding backwards I am very upset and frustrated---I totally get it

Really appreciated hearing this. Im sorry you have been feeling so frustrated and upset recently as well. Thanks again for your support.


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 Post subject: Re: Frustration vent
PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:26 am 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
Liz,
Gosh I could hear your pain, frustration and anguish.
Hang in there.

Take it one step at a time, trying to accomplish too many things at one time can sometimes be overwhelming. Recovery is one step at a time.

I like Surreal's reply to you, lots of practical ideas / suggestions.

hugs :)


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 Post subject: Re: Frustration vent
PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:07 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
how's it going?

You check out Katie yet on youtube?

i am slightly better, but it's marginal..hey I'll take that for now...


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