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 Post subject: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 3:22 pm 
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Well to cut a long story short i was getting therapy for my borderline personality disorder , ever since ive lost my placement for legitimate reasons , i feel lost , sad , abandoned , angry , and all of these emotions are coming out in long bursts , im hallucinating again as well not to the point where i see things that aint there , but to the point where i get spooked by normal things , shadows? Lights going on and off , doors knocking , mail man knocking , etc...

Im just after some friendly advice from anyone really....


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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 4:49 pm 
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I'm a little confused. You lost your therapy? How? Why?

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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:24 pm 
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Its a long story tbh , basically i met up with one of the members outside the group , she texted me later that day saying she didn't want to meet up anymore because she feels guilty to the rest of the group , this was via text , not phone or in person , text.... we had a great day out , we had dinner , etc...

Then we met up in therapy that next day , she was very cold and distant towards me , ignoring me for the most of it , i felt rather abused and hurt by the fact she was acting like that , i just dealt with it and got on with my thearpy.

The next day , things where fine , she assured me she wasn't avoiding or dodging me , so i took her word for it , after said conversation , i heard a massive smash in the halls , one of the members had smashed the thearpy door threw with her/his foot and ran out , i found out within seconds it was one of the members i had bonded with , i asked another random member of the group what had happened , she said , NOT NOW , i said no shes one of of my friends dont act all high and mighty and keep the information to yourself i wanna know whats happened *assuming she/hurt may hurt herself , she snapped at me and SAID NOT NOW , so i snapped back , with the awkwardness of the moment and feeling i had been hard done by i walked out and never went back.

Within in about a hour the friend i met outside of group had removed me from facebook , wasn't answering the phone , i know the person i snapped at in group was one of her friends , but i was snapped at first.....

And thats pretty much it , the fact that we all have borderline personality disorder in that group , and i was treated the way i was , is aboustely disgusting , rejection/abandonment is one of the key elements of BPD and i was practically dished out a lifesize bowl of it.


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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 6:29 pm 
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I just want to make this very clear to the forums , what happened at that thearpy was entirely not my fault , infact one of the worst trates of my personalty is the tendency to blame myself for everything , in this case im able to see it for what it is.


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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 7:05 pm 
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Pillz,

i speak with a lot of cheek and very blunt- if you could hear me talking, it would be a kind of conversational, gentle, humerous tone, hoping to help you see the flaws in your thinking which are hindering your getting better- which I really hope you do!

Here is my friendliest advice possible: Get back into the program as quickly as possible.

I think you might want to work through the 5 steps and the other worksheets from your program, the one's on this forum and get a handle on your situation, so you can make an appeal to go back to the group.

You say nothing that happened was your fault. Let's take the word "fault" out of it and lower the semantics levels to 'choices and responsibility"?

Nothing you posted about your friend who you met outside has anything to do with this one fact:

You walked out of the room and never went back.

That was your choice.

That was the most important room in your life right now and you left by your own choice. Period.

Take responsibility.

The long and winding story and your feelings and what your "friends" did and didn't do on facebook has absolutely no bearing on the fact that group is a medical setting, not a social hour. You are there to get well from a mental illness, not to hook up or chill out or meet 'cool people" (who are very ill themselvs and can not have relationships right now). It seems like you are disrespecting the seriousness of their rights and priorities as people who need to overcome a difficult disease, as well as your own, by viewing it like a friendship circle with lot's of drama to create.

I think it might help you to think about the reasons people in recovery are not allowed to date the other AA members or patients in rehab...there are lot's of them and it might help you to take some responsiblity for your situation of you think about them and how they apply to your behavior and attitudes in group.

It is totally irrelevant what someone "snapped" at you.

What was going on in the hall didn't have to do with your therapy or you. PERIOD.

Your 'friend" is NOT YOU. The "friend", who is a PATIENT UNDER THE CARE OF DOCTORS WHEN IN THAT ROOM, is a patient under doctor care, not yours. That wasn't your inventory to take and it was for the professionals to handle. A mentally ill person kicked in a door and became violent. Do you run INTO fires too? :D Your feelings of concern at the moment was necessarily the last priority in the place. Your, and everyone else's, SAFETY was first. And it's not for you to assess how it gets handled. Why did you need to be part of the crisis in the hall at all?
You are a patient, not staff. Boundaries and control issues - seeing only self-

Can you understand that looking back?

The person who said "NOT NOW" to your unhelpful and self centric behavior put up a boundary (maybe rudely, but there it was) - you crossed it - and they had to put it up again. Your choice. Take Responsiblity.

because someone defreinded you, snapped at you and one didn't want to keep hanging out outside group...you walked out of the thing that would save your life? :shysmile :shysmile :shysmile

You walked out and never went back. your choice.

please, take responsibility and maybe they will take you back. You know you need to go, try asking them for their help and talking to them about the choices you made....

surreal


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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 12:13 am 
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Pillz,
As a concerned 'friend' or member of this board, or fellow friend who's on the same journey (of recovery), I just want to say that BEFORE you REACT to surreal's reply, take time to digest what she just wrote. It's the feedback that you need, though it might not seem so to you :)

Another thing I would like point out:
I think taking responsibility is DIFFERENT from blaming oneself. We can take responsibility over our actions WITHOUT blaming ourselves. I don't know how to explain this properly...

All the best sorting out this issue :)


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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 7:31 am 
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What was said didn't upset , nor did it have a impact on how i felt...

However ive taken responsibility for my decisions during that time , for example i shouldn't of taken down her number , i should of just been focusing on my thearpy , i should of just carried on with my thearpy despite feeling the way i did.

But...

And this is a big but , those things are easier said than done , im sure no matter what why its twisted you can find fault in everyone involved with this little story , but the fact remains it could of been handled better by the people who merely kicked me whilst i was down.

I have no problem with taking responsibility , if responsibility is there for me to take.

1. Putting up barriers when a friends life in danger is a cruel malice thing to do.
2. Everyone there had BPD , and the was dealt with as a friend was how these guys and myself have been treated all out lifes , they should know better.

I respect the comments given by surreal's , but just a little bit of advice , being blunt to everyone you see isnt a good idea.


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 Post subject: Re: I lost my long Term Therapy , im loosing my mind ,pleaseread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 9:27 am 
I would focus less on whose fault it is, and focus more on whether or not you can get yourself in that group again or another one. This sort of issue would be awesome for you to bring up and work through there.

Just because someone else has BPD(or even if they don't), doesn't mean they're autotuned to your sensitivities. We all have different sensitivities and perceive things differently. Your reality is not someone else's. This is one of the most important things to keep in mind, else you will think every human on this earth is a malicious, cold-hearted bastard.

I understand that you felt bad and rejected. You actions were well-intended, however, probably not the best idea in a mental health setting for the reasons that surreal mentioned. You allowed this perceived rejection to put a stop in your recovery, though. You're suffering right now, as you said in your first post in the thread. What matters most to you right now? You didn't come here to this thread initially with the post of what happened in therapy, but rather that you lost it and you're feeling bad right now.

Are you able to reengage in therapy again?


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