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hi

i know this is a bizarre, non-urgent question, but i cannot set goals AT ALL, because i dont WANT anything, apart from to AVOID STRESS, emotional rollercoasters etc. I only seem to want a quiet life...

Anyone know how to work out what you want in life? E.g. careerwise? Lots of things i could get into, but how do i know who i am, what i want, besides just avoiding pain?

im in a comfortable place at the minute, since i left my last job... i have to get something before May though. i have never been able to visualise for some reason.

thanks in advance for any tips/techniques.

fiddlehead,
I do think that you already have two goals in hand:
a) wanting a quiet life without emotional rollercoasters - that's a recovery goal in itself
b) "I want to get a job by May"

you're smart

i'd like to figure out WHAT (job/life) i want though, besides just the absence of stress - is that a jump too far? i have already accepted there are certain things which will not work out (accepted my limitations, and much happier for it).

perhaps the universe will provide...

Hmmm...
You might want to rethink the 'absence of stress' in a job. I think all jobs have their own stress. I think learning HOW to manage stress is a better strategy for the long term.
As to what kind of job you want, maybe list down your experience, skills and all that?

I've moved this thread from Conversation Corner to On the Border, because it doesn't really fit the "conflict resolution" notion of CC, and also because it might get more responses in OtB. Sorry I didn't notice it sooner. It's late and I have to get to sleep, but maybe tomorrow I'll have some time to ponder an answer.

Have you considered that it might be ok for you to live an "outside the box" life? Could you move somewhere quiet and work on a farm? Could you live in a little town and be a school nurse? ...how about living in a place that's off the beaten path...???

Some people aren't cut out for the life we humans have created- I personally think it's not natural for people to sit in tiny cubicles sorting papers and looking at screens-

what do you LIKE to do?

How about being a fitness trainer? Or a chef? Or ..... an animal rescue person?

what makes you happy???

persue you joy and the rest will follow..

thank-you, you have all been really helpful. its quite a new experience for me to get input that OBVIOUSLY UNDERSTANDS me - without me spelling things out!

i am lucky to be unemployed at the moment because i am not on a sickening rollercoaster (i have a wonderful soulmate)

yes i do live in a rural area, which is good for me; i think i might indeed have to embrace "off the wall/creative" lifestyle etc. i dont lead a WILD lifestyle or anything, i would be looking for a quiet occupation, that i have more control of, and that i can pursue with integrity, taking time off to destress/recharge the batteries if necessary.

sound good? am i on the right track? i have tried bending over backwards to fit into restrictive organisations (and have also had a lot of success) but i dont think ive the resilience to do it any more. lifes too short...

so what's available to you in your area?

i live in ireland which is in a complete financial mess - they still havent finished bailing out the banks, who keep giving increasing revelations of debt. there are no jobs really (apart from the high-stress, high-tech one i left), and where i live things are worse than most places. i will have to create (music, crafts, plants etc).

currently im thinking, music lessons/gigs, selling crafts via a friend's shop, growing/making practically all we eat, and the odd web page... none of this is really guaranteed to make much of an income, but i only want to survive (the same amount as if i were getting welfare) and be steady in my mind.

this last is what is so important. more, or steadier work might be available to me, but i dont want to sacrifice my peace of mind. i do need to live, however...

thanks for taking an interest.

OMG, since i replied, i just saw this in my inbox - talk about confirmation that i might be on the right track!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make Life Happen
You don't have to wish or hope for things to happen. Because you can make things happen.
You don't have to wonder whether something will work or not. Because you can gather the resources, make the effort and find out for yourself.

There's no need to live in fear of what life might bring. You can make your life unfold in the way you'd like to see it unfold.

There's no reason to worry about lack or limitation. You can act to work your way through whatever obstacles and challenges are present.

Of all the abilities you have, the most powerful ability is the ability to utilize your abilities in a meaningful way. Not only can you make things happen, you can make things happen with purpose and intention and in the service of your highest values.

Don't worry or wonder or beg or steal or wish or regret or envy or wait. Use all that energy to make life happen, in the way you know is best, right now.

-- Ralph Marston

You live in Ireland?!!!

Well, that's awhole new kettle of fish you lucky dawg you!

how about sheep? Cheese making? Music lessons is a great idea! Can you teach traditional dancing? Can you start a little organic farm?

What about a B&B (you can't do that right away I know) but something for the tourists?

work for the church??? Be a companion for an elderly person?

hi - thanks!! yes, very lucky in lots of ways.

believe me the cheese is something im looking into, i am occasionally a companion for an elderly person (should do it more often, i know), and i have access to land (albeit quite a drive away - so i couldnt really keep chickens or goats or the fuel costs of milking/feeding them would cripple me), but not really the money or the strength to set something up on it, though if im successful with our own veg, i might move some things out there - maybe fruit bushes etc.

farming is quite a hard life, but if i could get some organic growing started and set up, i suppose i could make some money at it. it would always be a struggle to make ends meet, but possibly a rewarding one... after all its not about doing the whole thing all at once, is it? its more like mini-projects that bring in a little income, then ploughing the money earned back in to do more. i think...

i cant dance, im not originally from here, but from the UK (my long-term partner is from here). but im accepted as a fiddle player. i suppose i also make food-type things, im a very enthusiastic cook. the EU laws are quite restrictive (the way they have been interpreted here) about kitchen conditions and height of ceilings etc, but i think many people can sell their stuff at country markets. perhaps the local shop might too.

usual problem of me having too many projects though. i should throw myself into one or two, and see do they work. this is one of my issues with goals - setting them is difficult when there are lots of fun things to do, lots of stress to avoid, and no indication that any of them are dead-cert successful. i think its my attitude thats wrong...

anyway thanks again. i cant go back into that horrible corporate world with all the confusion and nonsensical expectations again, so i must try some of these things.

Think you nailed the problem AND the solution. Focus one or two and throw yourself into them. Will things work out? You never know until you try After all, life's an adventure!

yeah- I hear you set up a lot of barriers for yourself and then avoid "getting responsible". I think maybe a case of only being able to see a big finished product (the largest best cheese factory in all Ireland) and not being able to see it materialize (EU laws prevent me from selling cheese from my kitchen)? (that's pretty common and very "corporate')

MM is right to highlight what you said yourself- get it together and focus on one thing- one step at a time - accepting that you will, we all will, never know the outcome of anything- it's an adventure.

Goals are set not by imagining creating the modern ford motors, but by asking what is better than a horse to get from place to place...

thanks guys, im sorry i didnt reply earlier.

ive had some worries recently. my stepson is going through a really horrible time. the poor wee thing jumped under a train. hes ok, but we - and he - have to re-evaluate everything. we have been in bits, so the whole question of finance/career has been superceded by other stuff.

however, i hope we will all be closer and more connected in future, and appreciate what we have in life. we are unbelievably lucky to still have him, he is a really special (though troubled) person.

things in perhaps better perspective now.

love and appreciation to you all for listening. xxx