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 Post subject: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:38 pm 
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Wasn't sure where to post this. Hopefully this is right place.

At my psych appointment a couplenof weeks ago, my spy gave me an extensive interview to pinpoint what my particular ills were. We both came to the conclusion that I have several traits of the bpd individual.

He also determined that I may be suffering from PTSD. Now, when I think of PTSD, what pops into my mind is someone who has dealt with a single traumatic event. For example, witnessing a murder, being raped, being a combatant in war and witnessing the horrors that go along with that, and etc.

My particular PTSD (if that's what it is) seems to stem from my childhood. It also seems to stem from a breakup I went through a few years ago. The basis for the diagnosis was my extremely frequent nightmares, and my emotionality/overreacting tenedencies when confronted with daily situations that seem tame to others.

For example, in working situations, I can not deal with mildly irritated customers/bosses/coworkers. Any sign of someones frustration with me causes me to break down and cry or to retreat into myself and either take my anger out internally (basically just walking around with a horrible feeling all day) or becoming frustrated with someone else whom I feel more comfortable expressing my emotions around, though they do not deserve to be the focus of my anger at all.

The nightmares I have are on a weekly basis, often 2-3 times a week. I dream about things tht are terrifying, like jumping off the golden gate bridge being flooded with grief, running from murderers, the sense of not being able to escape. A lot of these emotions harlen back to childhood feelings. I also dream about my ex. I feel theemotions of the breakup every time. I feelyself crying, feeling abandoned, lost, alone, scared all over again. I relive it every time. It ruins my entire day once I wake up. My current boyfriend does not understand this and accuses me of "not being over" my ex. But the thing is, I am. I'm just reeling from the trauma. My mind is still harboring pain/resentment.

I guess my question is, is this PTSD? I feel silly even saying I have PTSD because I'm not sure that my story is particularly more tragic or difficult than a lot of peoples. Not that I had an easy life. I grew up in a house where my dad drank constantly, and after my parents divorce I was subjected to my mothers dating life, which meant listening to her being raped/ having se, and then being told to mind my own business when I tried to stand up for myself.

I still feel hurt and violated at the mere idea of another couple being intimate anywhere in the vicinity of me. Living with a roommate has brought all of these emotions flooding back to me. When her boyfriend is over, I feel myself becoming enraged, hurt, and feeling violated all over again.

So is it PTSD? How can I stop reliving the past? Why can't my brain move beyond these things and be happy ? Iobviously this is something that I need to work on because I can't keep stockpiling difficult experiences and feeling overwhelmed each time anything reminds me of the past. Thanks to anyone who reads this. I feel so silly and weak sometimes.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:41 pm 
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Sorry for the typos lol.. Wrote this on my iPhone and I'm still a noob at smart phone technology. Hopefully it's clear


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2011 3:53 pm 
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Also curious if other bpd individuals have been concurrently diagnosed with PTSD.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Tue Mar 08, 2011 4:50 pm 
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Whether it is PTSD or BPD traits, I can't say, and maybe the label you attach to your experince doesn't even matter that much... what I would definitely say is that your life hasn't been easy and aspects of it could qualify for the word 'traumatic'. I believe it is quite common for things that happen in childhood to affect how we are in the present, in particular if they are quite difficult, and things that remind you of upsetting events can bring back similar feelings.

I agree that you may benefit from working on those experiences...do you have a therapist? If you don't, maybe you could look for someone so that you can figure out a way forward from there...

Wish you all the best!


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 12:58 am 
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What you said about feeling silly about possibly having PTSD, that you hadn't been through anything worse than anyone else. I think we all kind of feel that way sometimes, at least I do. I actually don't think I deserve to have a problem like BPD, I get really mad at myself for not being able to just suck it up & get it together. But I think maybe that's a big part of the recovery process is to stop judging ourselves and just except that we are the way we are.

Easier said than done.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Wed Mar 16, 2011 6:17 pm 
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From what I've read, PTSD and BPD occur together often. I think I may have felt something similar to what you described--like I wasn't entitled to be so traumatized by my trauma, like I was a particularly weak person for reacting the way that I do. BUT this made me feel a little better: There is some evidence that PTSD is actually a sleep disorder. I read an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry that it is the ratio of REM to slow-wave sleep that you get post-trauma that leads to the development of PTSD, not some objective measure of how bad the trauma is. It is not a question of strength of character at all.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 9:36 am 
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AmaNicole wrote:
From what I've read, PTSD and BPD occur together often. I think I may have felt something similar to what you described--like I wasn't entitled to be so traumatized by my trauma, like I was a particularly weak person for reacting the way that I do. BUT this made me feel a little better: There is some evidence that PTSD is actually a sleep disorder. I read an article in the American Journal of Psychiatry that it is the ratio of REM to slow-wave sleep that you get post-trauma that leads to the development of PTSD, not some objective measure of how bad the trauma is. It is not a question of strength of character at all.



Ama, Do you have a link to that article in the AJP? This was interesting. I was discussing sleep and trauma with my physician recently and he was talking about the huge increase in insomnia and sleep problems in recent history being less about trauma and more about a strained liver from modern life's environmental insults. I don't have ptsd, but bpd, but I have a very severe sleep disorder.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 10:05 am 
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HarshLee wrote:

My particular PTSD (if that's what it is) seems to stem from my childhood
....

I guess my question is, is this PTSD? I feel silly even saying I have PTSD because I'm not sure that my story is particularly more tragic or difficult than a lot of peoples. Not that I had an easy life. I grew up in a house where my dad drank constantly, and after my parents divorce I was subjected to my mothers dating life, which meant listening to her being raped/ having se, and then being told to mind my own business when I tried to stand up for myself.


HarshLee,

i have only been dgx'd with bpd, not ptsd. But I have heard that ptsd is considered a slightly lesser or different form of bpd. Opinions will vary but some consider them both to be caused by trauma. I think the trauma in bpd is more a lack of secure bonding in childhood. You said that you dont think your problems were significantly worse than other peoples, but to me, what you describe here sounds very traumatic as a youngster to deal with. It seems the jury is still out on the exact causes of emotional illnesses, but it does seem there is a lot of evidence that it is a combination of nature and nurture (sensitive chemistry mixed with a poor environment for child rearing) that causes them. It could be that what you experienced was much more significant and harmful to you than you are giving credit for.

I had quite a number of years of therapy before I understood my past better. I did several years of therapy where I tried to work on the present and do my work without "attaching a story" to it. But by working on the present without understanding my past - I was continually ashamed of my reactions because I couldnt understand where they came from. I thought I was one of those bpd's that just had "bad chemistry", or that i was a bad person - mixed with a little bit of poor parenting. But my most recent therapist helped me see that my parenting was much more deleterious than I had understood. On the outside, things do not look that bad. I had no physical abuse that i am aware of, no drugs/alcohol in my upbringing, I was raised in a fairly privileged way, and i thought my parents were very supportive. My therapist who spoke directly with my mother and read many of her emails to me help me understand that my mother likely has narcissistic personality disorder and that she is capable of almost no ability to be a nurturing, loving person. I was shocked for the first year and couldnt believe it, but slowly over a year i began to see quite clearly her very manipulative, controlling, witholding ways. I think she does these unconsciously as a defense, not knowing these are abusive. I never even saw them before. I always thought she was direct, honest, straighforward, full of integrity.

I think the work of getting better is about changing who we are now. And NOT getting stuck in blaming our past. But at the same time, i think it's necessary to validate what got us here. Otherwise, we continue to blame ourselves for our reactions and patterns.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Thu Mar 17, 2011 8:47 pm 
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No problem, here is a link: http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/reprint/159/10/1696


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:35 am 
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harshlee,
I think that sometimes they overlap (BPD and PTSD), and sometimes I think bpd is somewhat related to ptsd (emotional trauma).

But at the end of the day, I think the labels don't matter as much as our focus on our recovery.

I think it's good that you understand your past. The past gives us insights into our current struggles and behaviours. Hence it's important to process the past to understand ourselves better. Especially in your case where you feel triggered whenever your roommate's boyfriend is over.

Perhaps you might want to examine where all those feelings of yours come from. Most likely you are reacting to a situation in your PAST rather than the present, the present is just a trigger to remind you of the past. Once you can identify what exactly you are reacting to (a certain situation in the past), you will be aware of it and less likely to react.


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 Post subject: Re: PTSD... Maybe?
PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:31 pm 
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I have CPTSD. This was misdiagnosed as Bi polar disease many years ago. Nightmare.

Then was misdiagnosed as depression and anxiety and being an ass. Nightmare.

Then was misdiagnosed as BPD. NOT a nightmare. I misdiagnosed myself. I put myself into CBT and DBT work and allowed every psychiatrist and person in the building who wanted a try at me to do so. I wanted OUT of that hell no matter WHAT. And I was willing to say 'I have BPD. Who helps people with BPD? I AM GOING WHEREVER THAT IS. NOW."

So, after a long time, my therapist who is the director of a PHP DBT program told me this after speaking to my mother and reading some e mails my father sent to me: "I could never figure out why you could never stop asking if you were crazy. I could not understand why you always thought you were a nut job and could not accept that there wasn't anything really 'wrong" with you. Now I know. YOU have never been my typical client. YOUR PARENTS ARE my typical client. They are VERY disordered. No wonder you think you are crazy and that there is something wrong with you."

So, we talked a lot about the C PTSD vs BPD stuff and i did research on my own. CBT and DBT work IS the "cure" for CPTSD...so that worked out. i also had BPD fleas, so it worked out...

As MM suggests, it's really all about putting together a plan for what your specific set of issues is.

If you think you have even ONE BPD trait and are miserable- TRY to GO to DBT, then maybe Go to EMDR, work with therapists who are involved in trauma informed care, then maybe go to ACT when you are really stablized and ready to make big life goals and acheive them!!!!!!!!!!!!!


As Yoda says, "there is no try, only do"


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