BPDpip5 wrote:
At the end of the day … it really isn’t about ANY of them… it is about me. My dreams. My life. My right to be selfish. Marcia would so say that I have a right to be selfish so I could accomplish my dreams. That I am worthy of that. Can anyone understand that?
First time I’ve cried in months.
Hi BPDpip5,
Just wanted to say that I read your vent, and I heard ya here. Don't know all the details of what's going on with you. But I'm sorry for the pain you are in. Glad you posted.
I definitely absolutely relate to the need/desire/right to be selfish to accomplish your dreams. You most definitely *are* worthy of that. You *are*.
I very much relate to those words right now. My sense of self is feeling like it's trying desperately, courageously, wholeheartedly, and yet fearfully - to burst through. Am not willing to live the wretched, pitiful existence of incapacitation and shame that I've been putting up with for way too long and I am starting to feel worthy of the selfishness needed to make my life wonderful. I don't yet feel fully worthy. I am flip flopping tons and it's extremely painful. But I so so so so want to find a way to feel worthy of everything I need and want to make my dreams come true.
BPDpip5, you deserve to have your dreams come true. And you deserve the selfishness needed to make that happen.