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 Post subject: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 10:17 am 
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Hey all I'm new to this forum, I'm trying to learn to live with BPD and its going ok most of the time. I'm even trying to come off the last pescription I have left.

The issue I'm having though is with drinking. Obviously the loss of inhibitions is bad for people without BPD, but I'm just wondering if anybody else has issues with keeping control while drinking.

I think I need to do a limit so that I can't get drunk as I think that would be the healthier thing to do for me. Its just that I find it difficult in clubs and other drink related social situations without alcohol.

Does anybody else have similar problems?

Sam


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:44 am 
Hi Sam :welcome

Yes, I was going through this not too long ago. I made a thread called black and white "rules", something of the sort. Where my therapist felt my intent was in the right place, but that I was too rigid and 'all or nothing' surrounding my ideas on drinking and dating. Either do it, or don't.

That was one of my biggest fears - My behavioral issues when drinking. My temper would flare and I would do impulsive shit. I was afraid that if I even, you know, took a sip, I'd get sucked into the swirling, pulling vortex of alcoholism, lose control, binge drink and act like a moron like I had before.

So her 'homework' for me was to go on a date, and half a half a glass of a lighter drink(like a beer or wine). It was really uncomfortable, to say the least. But I kept doing my "homework" and eventually discovered - The dating wasn't so bad. Neither was the drinking. I actually wrinkle my nose a bit at it now. But I know, if I should desire to have a red with my steak or something, I can do it. I nurse my drink and savor the tastes of it rather than guzzle it and use it as a tool to get over my anxiety.

If you have a tough time maintaining your sanity under the influence, then yes, the absolute thing to do that makes sense is to cut back. Find your limit and your comfort zone.


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:47 pm 
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hi, i'm new here too, i actually just posted a topic on this same issue under "the 5 steps", so yeah - me too! it has gotten to where i really do need to just quit, at least for now and for quite some time until i'm back on the right track... i do not have a lot of self control when it comes to setting limits for myself, especially in social situations where i feel a lot of anxiety... it's also become a crutch for my depression and lonliness during the week and i am also taking painkillers for a back problem which intensify the depressive effects...

i am really a mess when i'm drunk. in private i drink and listen to music and sometimes just cry... i withdraw from my husband and i brood over how lonely and sad i feel... in public i say embarrasing things about myself and my husband... and sometimes i hit him in front of our friends (i pretend like it's playful but i know it's passive-aggressive and he tells me how much it embarrasses and hurts him)... sometimes i get too "friendly" with his friends' wives... i feel completely and utterly humiliated and depressed for days after... i feel worried i will cheat on him or that one of these days i will unleash all my building anger on him in front of his friends... so i drink more to numb the pain... it's a hard cycle to get out of...

anyway, that's just my current experience... i do know one girl (who do not have BPD) that shows a lot of anger when she's drunk... in general it does kind of bring out all the ugly stuff that is easier to hide when your sober...

_________________
"we are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them." ~ anaïs nin


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:55 pm 
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since it's so much harder in social situations, i'm just going to be trying to avoid that for a little while... i don't think i can handle the pressure myself... but if you can set a limit and stick to it, that would be great too... maybe if you have a friend you feel comfortable talking to about it she can help hold you accountable? or maybe you could be a designated driver? just ideas...

_________________
"we are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them." ~ anaïs nin


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:00 pm 
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The thread Ranei is talking about is a great one. Truly.

I don;t know where you new peeps are at in your lives (WELCOME!), but it sounds to me like you might be in the beginning stages of making some necessary changes. I find that when talking about drugs (which alcohol is), the thing to do in the beginning is to stop. just stop. No bars, no restaurant bars, no clubs...

It's not just about the loss of control or numbing with alcohol itself, it's about putting yourself in a situation which is difficult to manage without BPD. Other drunk people, high people, people acting our sexually...these places are rife with people who are also ill and acting out their issues... they tend to make us stay up past a healthy bedtime, we feel physcially tired and emotionally confused the next day...boundaries are constantly pushed and we have bad boundaries anyway...

In my way of thinking, in the beginning it simply isn't worth it to myself through totally avoidable hurdles and situations, draining my energy, creating potential for new/continued problems, when I can CHOOSE to go to bed early, work out in the am, eat a great breakfast, pack a lunch for the day, keep my house and affairs in order, know that I haven't challenged my own dignity or self respect in anyway and get on a healthy lifestyle routine that will support my recovery in the things I actually CAN control VERY easily.

Moderation and being able to live in grey is important, but stopping the bleeding first is the only way to do that.

I hope this helps.


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 3:48 pm 
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those are really good points, surreal... and i agree it is probably best to avoid that atmosphere altogether... or for me at least, just to avoid those times when i know our friends are getting together just to drink. we don't go to bars or anything, but it is still kind of hard in my situation... even though all our friends are married and we are in a familiar home setting, there is still that "party" atmosphere and a general attutide that this is what we are there for - to drink and let loose after a long workweek... we are a fairly small group and i know some people might feel offended or confused if my husband shows up without me and would ask questions. i don't want anyone to know what's been going on in my personal life (although i'm sure it will be obvious to a few people)... it's not like i am really close to any of our friends, but we do have "fun" together and it's hard to give that up because i don't have any other friends outside of the group...

i'm working on trying to find the motivation to just quit and learn how to socialize like a normal person... but simply quitting just doesn't feel simple at all right now... i would love to do all those things you suggest that i KNOW are better for me... and i know i can't go forward until i stop that bleeding, but it is SO HARD right now with the way i am feeling: so desperately lonely... i was wondering if the 5 steps are appropriate for resisting the urge to drink (which is why i posted in the other forum about it), but i'm not sure how to break it down for this and what kind of solutions i can try - other than giving up what little social life i have... if i stayed home i would be alone and be strongly tempted to drink anyway - and with no one around i may even have less restraint (as far as HOW much i allow myself to drink)... i don't know if any of that makes sense... do you have any thoughts, suggestions on that?

i'm sorry if i hijacked this thread - this is really a big issue for me too right now...

_________________
"we are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them." ~ anaïs nin


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Apr 29, 2011 5:03 pm 
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It sounds like you need an expanded group of friends to expand your possibilities...

You don;t have to share your business if you are not ready- but you could just as easily say "this was great until now, but it doesn't work for me anymore, Friday night I signed up for a swim class and I find this a healthier alternative to stress reduction. can't wait to see you guys at the picnic at church!"

You also might want to consider this group as a whole...are they good for you if this is what they do?

Are you sure your H wouldn't go WITH you to a friday night end of week healthy stress buster?

What kinds of solutions do you think you might be able to come up with to change up your routine to one that is more recovery oriented?


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:27 pm 
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Hey its so nice to find people going through exactly the same things as myself. Yeah black and white thinking is a problem for me too but I also think that its a part of who I am to a degree. I'm at the start of my road to recovery as of last year being the worst to date and ending up in a secure unit at one point.

I'm 21 and the whole thing is extremely hard and I did limit myself to only one glass of champagne on friday and still had a good time in the end.

Also don't worry about "hijacking" its bloody useful information as its the same stuff I'm going through :)

I think I should probably limit myself to the one drink rule since I do love going for a pint and a chat with people on occasion. I just fear for my future with the way things go at times, which I'm sure you will all understand.


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:13 pm 
Muel-

I quit drinking before I did the whole 'ease-in' thing. And I don't regret it at all, even if it did make finding a happy medium for me uncomfortable and strange. I felt I needed to step away from it. It's just that after awhile, I was no longer comfortable with the space, but I was viewing that space from it as a necessity. Touch it and become a boozer again. This was hard too because in many addiction programs, you're taught "Bad! Hands off!" So you're like...Ok, what the hell am I REALLY supposed to do, here?

If you feel you've got to step away from the scene for awhile in order to get on your path to a happy medium, do it. I personally found the limit thing very hard on me from the start, which is why I just didn't drink at all.

If you have to step back from it because you can't find that balance, you are not a failure. There's nothing wrong with backing off from something and taking a break - Only when the fear begins to seep in you, that it will always be 'this way' or 'that way', do you know it's time to find your happy medium.


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Sun May 01, 2011 6:32 am 
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Thankyou Raeni you're a damn good help :)


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Wed May 04, 2011 6:22 am 
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Just my two cents, so take it for what it's worth. lol.

First, I think many of us with bpd have or have had substance abuse issues. Speaking personally, I know I have them and I know I have to be more mindful than the average person when it comes to drinking.

So, I've done it both ways -- quit completely for an extended period of time and done the controlled drinking situation. In regards to the controlled drinking scenario, I find rules very helpful. For instance, if you want/need to give up drinking completely and you think you can, then cool, more power to you. If you don't want/can't do the all or nothing approach, then setting boundaries and baby steps can be really helpful.

For example, my rules are:

I am allowed to visit (the party world), but I am NOT allowed to live there. (i.e. if I drink 2-3 times a month, I'm visiting, if I'm drinking 4 out of 7 days, I'm living there.

I am NOT allowed to drink when I am sad or angry. *extra emphasis. This one is always a recipe for disaster for me.

For every drink I have, I must have a full glass of water right after (This one really helps with pacing, and not getting too drunk and out of control)

Anyway, hope that helps some.

smiles,

_________________
"I can lose my hard-earned freedom if my fear defines my world. I declare my independence from the critics and the stones. I declare my revolution, I can learn to stand alone."


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 5:02 pm 
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Yeah I've decided that I can drink with certain friends in certain environments without it being too crazy. Not drank the last times I've gone out and still enjoyed myself.

The having a soft drink in between alcohol on nights out might be an idea for me to test. Since I like to have something to hold and sip when I'm socialising on nights out.

Definatley not drinking with my girlfriend though. At least not for a long while. Recipe for disaster lol.


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 1:40 pm 
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Hi, I'm brand new to this site.

I'm thinking about this, too. I don't want to quit drinking or smoking pot, and drinking especially is so integral to the culture I am in. I quit drinking once, for over a year, and I ended up completely isolating myself. I am terribly shy, and can't imagine pushing myself to interact with people without alcohol.

But sometimes when I get really drunk and/or high I get scary out of control with anger and self hatred. Clearly that's not good. But it doesn't always happen--sometimes I get drunk and have a great time, and I actually think that can be healthy for me socially. (I'm not sure, but i don't think I'm kidding myself about this.) And sometimes those bad episodes happen when I'm sober.

I try to only smoke weed occasionally (once or twice a month, maybe) and stick to beer and wine most of the time, instead of hard liquor. It might not be the best, and it does interrupt my sleep schedule and my diet, but I think it's okay. I'm glad to hear there are others out there who are able to manage alcohol and not give it up completely.


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 Post subject: Re: Stopping drinking
PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 4:24 pm 
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Greetings all.


I was reflecting the past couple days now about the subject of me and drinking. Now, I have had one occasion, in the past ten years, my grandmothers passing, had a drink. I only drank in my early 20's, 'socially' (or so I told myself). But in reality I was drinking to ease numb feelings within me. I felt loose, relaxed. Maybe that was a problem. I decided to be loose in a different way. If I could be cool just doing my thing. Being the sober guy got positive attention from people. I realized soon that I wasn't so interested in investing so much good time and good money in a lot of nonsense. Go to a spot, shake hands, exchange contact info, then moving on. It of itself becomes boring and more positive experiences await. You gotta seek them.


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