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 Post subject: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 7:04 pm 
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I have not been diagnosed with BPD but after reading the book Buddha and the Borderlline and various online definitions I am beginning to suspect that I have it or something similar. I am a 42 gay male. I am overweight due to binge eating and have never been in a long term relationship. Spectacular failure academically and but have managed to keep a job for over a decade. Very disappointed in myself.

Looking around this website I would say that I am somewhere between high-functioning in acting and out acting. As far as the diagnostic criteria:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment: Yes I think I have this. Losing friendship or relationship, getting dumped, being out of touch with someone can spur intense depression, phone calls or messages at inappropriate times, and suicidal feelings.

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal...: I think so but not sure. Would have to explore and think about this with a therapist I think.

identity disturbance: I am not sure about this one also. Probably

impulsivity: yes very much so. binge eater and out of control spender. have a lot of debt and sort of getting it under control. can also be impulsive in relationships

recurrent suicidal behavior: I have had depression and suicidal feeling throughout most of my adult life. Dealing with suicidal feelings this weekend, very intense for the past few days but a bit better now. (not planning on killing myself at the moment)

affective instability: i don't completely understand this one but i think it applies to me as well. i can do into deep depressions or feelings of guilt and hopelessness very suddenly throughout the day.

chronic feelings of emptiness: i don't know about this one.

inappropriate, intense anger...: i internalize lots of anger. this one might not apply to me. not sure.

transient, stress-related paranoid...: i don't understand this one as well so am not sure how much or if any of it applies to me.

Sorry to go through the whole list but I have really been wondering about this lately and feel like I need to do something to get better or not as bad. Would like to not kill myself I think.

I have been in therapy several times before. Usually end up canceling after a few session. Any suggestions about bringing up the topic of BPD or just how to get more out of therapy/counseling in general.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:45 pm 
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welcome!

If you suspect you have BPD, I suggest finding a hospital program like weil cornell or whatever is in your area and getting evaluated by a very qualified person/treatment team and getting into treatment ASAP. You can also look at behavioraltech.(net) which is marsha linnehan's site. There is a referral page to DBT professionals by region. I would however be looking into the hospital programs at the major places like Mclean and cornell, etc and see what they have to offer if you live in a major metro area, only because they tend to be very good.


Read the main pages here, ASH, the site owner has put workshops, homework, lot's of material for people to use to figure this stuff out and tools to help folks along...

again, welcome!


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 4:54 pm 
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I'm not medical professional, but I don't think your issues are BPD related based on your answers. That being said I don't know much, or really anything about your situation, but my mind does not jump to BPD. Surreal is right, a trained and qualified medical professional is the only person who can accurately diagnose you, and they are the best person to consult for your issues. If you are having suicidal thoughts then there is definitely mental illness afoot.

Also the homework that surreal mentioned is great to look at, as are the "tools" on the left hand side of the page. They are great for people both with or without BPD so check them out. Let us know more about your situation and we're always here to help.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:16 pm 
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I would also caution self diagnosis or asking other lay people to guess if your answers "match" BPD is a spectrum disorder.

Often people with BPD or BPD fleas do not know the answers to these questions or what the questions mean precisley because the disorder has prevented answers or understanding of their meaning through lack of frame of reference.

Talk to someone who understands the spectrum and who understands the disorder. look at something here called the "shades" of BPD and the standards for the criteria of a diagnosis. Also understand that if you have 3 out of 9 very severely, rather than 5, it is still worth being treated for BPD. Diagnostic guidlines should not inhibit your getting treatment for whatever issues are actually present or uncovering what you may not understand about yourself yet - there may or may not be thing buried...I have no way of knowing.

BPD has "core" criteria. That said, there is also something we see anecdotally which is almost best said as "constallation of disorders coming together" - that is in no way a medical definition, but as you hang out and read around, you will notice that people in general with all types mental illness tend to have higher rates of substance abuse or issues with alcohol, higher rates of smoking, poor sleep hygene/quality, etc. People with BPD have many of these issues as well as comorbidity with eating disorders, body image problems, sexual identity questions etc.

mental illness is rarely straighforward the way good mental hygene is - DANG IT! - and many people who do not have a DIAGNOSABLE mental illness or fall on the "high functioning" end of the spectrum or who have several fingers in different dysfunctional pies can often be misdiagnosed.

I was suffering from depression and anxiety because I was being abused. My parents therapists didn't see the abuse as the cause of my problems and told the doctors something was wrong with me- I was told I was and medicated for bi-polar. i am NOT bi polar. those medications made me very ill and took years away from my life.

Am I depressive or anxious by nature? No. It was circumstantial. Did I need the right help for it? absolutely.

Point is...don;t let people doagnose you who aren;t qualified, or comment on what might be going on with you. And by the same token, address the issues that prevent you from living as god intended you to without staying with a label throughout treatment which might not best describe you or help you. Labels have their use in many ways, but you are a human being and you are complex...remember to focus on the positives as well as the negatives and shore up your strengths with qualified and healthy supports in order to redeem your weakness'.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:22 pm 
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I am scheduled tomorrow for an appointment at the best place my community has to offer. I don't live near any of the places previously mentioned in this thread but they do offer DBT for BPD and other things.

I don't care if I have DBT or not. Some of what I've read about it rings true for me and I am hoping to get the best possible treatment for my problems.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 5:46 pm 
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cool on the appointment...tell us more, what's on your plate? we can maybe support or help?


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 1:48 am 
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doubleplusgood,

how did your appointment go?


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 2:22 pm 
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It went well. It was just an intake though so all the stuff I unloaded on one therapist will have to be brought up again next week with my actual therapist.

Concerning the BPD it wasn't brought up until the very end of the session when I mentioned it(I had mentioned it on the form they have you fill out before the session). The therapist didn't think I had it. She said that a person with BPD would have been "Very difficult to please. They just drain you.". She said I was not like that and she also mentioned self-mutilation which is something I have never done. When I brought up the symptoms of BPD I thought I had she said that she thought they were brought on by my depressive episodes and that all of us display some BPD traits in our worst moments.

I am comfortable with her analysis and am looking forward to meeting my actual therapist next week. I was also told that the institution is moving towards doing more group therapy sessions and that I might be referred to one after meeting with my regular therapist. I am not sure what to think of that but am trying to keep an open mind.

I have been feeling better the last few days with a few hours of going back into depression every once in a while. These episodes aren't as intense as the suicidal tinged ones I had experience last weekend but are more intense than the types of depression I usually experience.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Fri Jun 17, 2011 3:34 pm 
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...I guess this therapist also didn't know that the majority of people with BPD are extremely engaging and charming, entertaining even, and insightful, looking for help, at first and then drain the life out of you slowly...nor do many pwBPD self mutilate.

Boy does this person have a rude awakening coming.

But that is neither here nor there for you-

I am glad you have an appointment with a T and are getting the ball rolling in one way or another -

your thing is to work the tools of therapy and feel well. The tools here work for depression too..so hang out and work through your stuff ...

Do you know the differences between psychodynamic therapy, behavioral therapy, etc? Do you know what you will be getting or feel like you need info?

how can we help?


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Sun Jun 19, 2011 8:07 pm 
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surreal wrote:
...I guess this therapist also didn't know that the majority of people with BPD are extremely engaging and charming, entertaining even, and insightful, looking for help, at first and then drain the life out of you slowly...nor do many pwBPD self mutilate.



I couldn't help but agree with surreal.

I for one don't self-mutilate, as much as I feel very suicidal and self-destructive at times...


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 7:08 pm 
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I think that's great that you took the leap to go see a therapist. Far too often people have a condition, such as BPD, show the symptoms or tell others but don't go get help. Because of this, they often times never get the treatment they receive or are reluctant to do so. Taking that leap is very important to a successful recovery (or, even if you don't have BPD, helping you understand what is going on) will greatly help your life. It is really something to be proud of, even if it may feel like pulling teeth. Good luck and know we are here to support you!


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:23 pm 
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I am the same, i have all the symptons (apart from suicide, which i suspect is down to my mum topping herself when i was 9, i have low days, where i could take a bottle of pills, but i dont becauae i know the pain it causes))

I havent been for a diagnosis, i'd like it if i was diagnosesd because then i wouldnt feel totallly loopy,.
I am on antidepressents, still drinking, eeeek. :(


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 11:58 am 
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Because you realize that you have the symptoms and want to go for a diagnosis is very important! This is something you should take advantage of and get it before you change your mind. Even if you don't think you will, while you are in this state of mind is very important. You are open about your habits and that can be difficult for many. Hope this helps and encourages you to move forward with this.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 4:31 pm 
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Thank you :)


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 3:00 pm 
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My diagnosis was helpful to me because I finally understood what the heck was wrong with me. It brought me peace. Now I realize, the label isn't necessarily important. If you recognize behaviors you want to change... If you want healthy, happy living... focus on the symptoms and figure out how to work with them and deal with them.

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As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. -- Goethe


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:18 am 
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Did you happen to go in for a diagnosis yet? I am curious if you have what they said and what encouraged you to do so. Yourself? Family members? It is important to have what's called 'sponsors' during your road to recovery and support for your journey. I agree with Trinity. Really, who cares what you are labeled. All that matters is what you are going to do about it and how to stay healthy, that's all. Don't take having a condition an excuse to be different, or ask for special treatment. If you want to be happy and healthy it is important to get checked, help identify what you have, and move forward to a new life.


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:18 pm 
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My counsellor suggested that i had borderline traits and gave me a book on it and the more i read about it the more i began thinking that it was me, and in fact it was helpful to me knowing that i wasnt totally bonkers! haha! :)


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 Post subject: Re: Do I have BPD?
PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:47 pm 
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Hello everyone,

I am new and this is my first post. I am a 45 year old female, mother of 3, and a nurse. I'm in my second marriage and I feel it will be the death of me.

I've suffered from depression and anxiety all my life. But after my partial hysterectomy 7 years ago, my physical and mental health have fallen apart. I've been in and out of doctors/psychiatrists offices and have given up on getting help. I've reserached my problems and they all stem from the limbic system of my brain. Then I came across the CDCs ACE. I realized that I had most of the adverse childhood events and then some and that the physical and mental issues could very well be because of that. I have just now figured this out..in my 40s!

What seemed to put me over the edge was my current husbands infidelity. I have become someone I don't like anymore. I believe I have BPD, but haven't been diagnosed. Not even when I was drinking every day and going into rages breaking things and picking up broken glass to cut myself...wanting to cut myself. My psychiatrists nurse practicioner sent me to the hospital and I spent a week there. I am so disappointed in the medical field. I went to 2 different counselors and they did not help. DBT wasn't covered by my insurance and the drive would be so far and it's very expensive.

I know for sure I at least have BPD traits and I really want to learn how change them. I have left my husband twice, I'm paranoid/hypervigilant, jealous, alternate between love and hate from one minute to the next, irritable/go into rages, project because of my own low self esteem, negative self talk, create painful scenarios in my mind, have no trust for anyone, ruled by emotions, and have an extremely poor body image. I sometimes wonder if I'm masochistic. After 7 years of living in what seems like HELL in my own mind, I don't think I can work anymore.

I want to learn to use the tools and live a better life.


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