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I don't know where else to post this...
I've worked in the same place for almost 3 years now. My boss knows about my BPD. There have been ongoing problems since I started... people have said some pretty grotty stuff towards me. I basically came here from another country and didnt know anyone, wanting a new start and to be happy and have friends. Not all of my issues were down to them now I know...a lot of it was down to how i perceived things and BPD... but still I don't feel it was all my fault. Its horrible sometimes here now. Even through all my crisises of last year and working through the DBT skills...everything I say now I'm told I'm delusional or a liar. I see occy health at work and Ive just gone downhill in the last month although I'm working on getting back on track now. But it HURTS SO MUCH to be told these things. Its like, why should I even carry on you know? Whats the point. I'm not everything my boss has read about on google. I have tried so often to sit him down and explain MY BPD to him and I just think he's got it and then we go right back to square one again. He tells me things don't happen the way I see them (he even told me that I lied by saying he called me delusional). I KNOW i'm not imagining these things. I just want to leave work but I have a house to think about and I dont want to leave the country again. Anyone got any ideas how I can get him to see i'm not what he thinks i am? Its tearing me apart. I just want to fit in here, not be seen as a troublemaker...

Lionheart,

Have you forgotten the Second Agreement?


Just because someone says that you're delusional or a liar doesn't make it true. Sure, they may believe that to be true but what's that to you? Are you allowing their words to define your reality? Are you allowing their words to control your mood and outlook on life? It seems to me that you're giving away every shred and ounce of power you have over your life to the hurtful, callous, mean people who haven't bothered to get to know you or show one iota of compassion toward you.

Why are you doing that?

I don't know.
Sometimes I'm so strong and I'm determined to recover, other times I just hear it and its like I'll never get over it, I'll never be thought of any good here, I'll never be the thought of as the competent, decent person I was when I got brought over here for the job.
I do worry a lot about what others think of me. And its been brought up in my therapy that I need to be more accepting of myself and not focus on others comments or thoughts about me.
I see that "personalising" and that itself upsets me. Its like... Its me again...I'm the one in the wrong.
I have become really hypersensitive to every little thing.

You are right though Ash, they affect my mood. If I end up thinking of suicide or self harm its normally only down to something that has happened at work...no where else.
I'm tempted to jack it in but thats old habits again for me. I want to stay around and prove things.

Yeah, I dont know. I'm not great on the second agreement!!!!!! Everything else seems to be coming together apart from the social side of things.

I really liked this post because I think we all have a difficult time navigating work life, and the relationships that form etc.

My question is for Ash,


Are the rules always active and applicable? Is this a mentality that I should be putting myself in whenever I am awake? Or just when I feel upset? Like if someone in an authoritative role at work, pulls me aside to critique my performance.. It ALWAYS sends me into a tailspin regardless of how the information is given to me, the only guard from this is to not care (that usually gets me fired). But if they have valid criticism how do I evaluate it without going cray cray?


Thanks,

Wren