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 Post subject: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:19 am 
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I'm currently 14(nearly) and have been constantly bullied for nearly 2 years. It all started when I went to secondary school. The first month or so were ok, I had my best friend, made a couple of new friends everything was going fine, until a group of boys in my year group started to pick on me because I had braces and talked with a lisp, they made fun of my voice, shouted abuse at me whenever I tried to respond and threw food and hard sweets at me(which left me a painful lump on my head). I'm generally a shy person and don't talk much, but my best friends(or former best friends) are really confident, outgoing and aren't afraid to speak their mind, so they started to become popular and make other friends who automatically didn't like me and thought I was a shy wierdo and gradually more and more people started to judge me as a freak and dislike me. My parents are from a different country so my name isn't a common one, and that has been one of the major targets when people pick on me. I am SICK of people walking past me, or sitting next to me, saying my name in a wierd/funny voice and talking to me as if I was a 5 year old!!!!!!!! When I had an account on MSN, people from school used to post abuse too(cyberbullying). People have also called me fat and ugly because i have large hips and thighs. I started to self harm myself last year, slitting my wrists with sewing scissors and deliberately sticking a toothbrush down my throat and throwing up out of depression and not wanting to go to school. I even have problems with some older people, saying they knew me from when I was like 7 years old at primary school and they make fun of me(as usual). When I accidentally left my school planner in a classroom, I went to get it back at reception and found it broken, ruined and graffitied with the most threatening insults, such as "dirty fat slut, go back to your own country" By the start of this school year, the bullying had started again(even though my head of year last year had spoken to some of the pupils who were bothering me) and has gotten worse throughout the year. I now have no friends(the only ones I had have now become popular and ditched me) am still getting lots of bullying and abuse and one of my former friends has now started to turn particularly nasty. My parents have spoken to my current head of year, tutor and as many teachers as possible, but nothings changed and the bullies still continue. in short: almost the whole year group and possibly many other students hate my guts and think I'm just a quiet geek who likes classical music and studying and I'm strongly hurt by this because I'm NOT any of those things, just because i'm good at schoolwork doesn't make me a geek, classical music annoys the crap out of me and I can be loud and talkative when I want to, but if i try that in school people just roll their eyes at me, look at me wierdly or whisper abuse. I tried to be friends with these girls who I thought were nice to me, but every time I try to sit with them, talk or hand around with them, they run away as if they think I'm stalking them when i'm just trying to be friends. So at break or luchtime, I just wander round the school alone sick, and sad. I REALLY BADLY wanna get homeschooled but my parents won't let me :(. Is there a way I could easily get taught at home and still do all my G.C.S.E's in future because I am sick of getting uncontrollably abused at school(not just one person but many people targeting me) and I don't want to ruin my education, so I really want to find out if it's possible to be taught at home by someone, and if possible, what's the best option.

Female, 14, U.K


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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:54 pm 
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hey there

many hugs to you


is there any way of changing school?

are you still harming yourself?


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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:46 am 
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My heart goes out to you...
My years in Jr. high school were hell - I was picked on constantly...Children can be very, very cruel.
I wish I had some words of advice for you, something you could do to make them stop, but I don't. I don't know anything. I know that reacting or acting out in response just gives the bullies more ammunition. But i also know that just ignoring them doesn't make it stop. I just know that they never left me alone...
I survived it, so that much is possible.

Do remember that all these things are not done because of anything wrong with you. You are FINE. These people around you are sick. If they weren't doing it to you, they'd find someone else. It's NOT personal.
I'm glad to hear that your parents are willing to talk to the teachers and administrators! Even if it doesn't accomplish much, they are on your side and they believe in you.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 12:14 pm 
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I wish I could say your story is a rare one, but sadly it's quite common. School was tough for me as well, nowhere near what you went through in terms of bullying, but it is present everywhere. There are a few things I want you to take away from this.

Firstly, you are going to have a hard time because you are different, it is a constant in life (though never as hard as when you are in junior high or high school). Things WILL get easier as time goes on and the children bullying mature.

You sound quite intelligent, your vocabulary is quite good for someone of 14, and I can tell you first hand intelligence is tough to have in school. HOWEVER, it is not something to EVER be ashamed of. I am so proud I'm a geek, hardcore math nerd all the way, and I would NEVER give that up to have been popular in school, or even now. Liking classical music does make you a geek (compared to children your own age), but don't shy from it, EMBRACE it.

You may be an outcast now, it may be incredibly tough now, and for the next 4 years or so, but everything after those 4 hard years is going to be so great. This is where people like you shine. I know it's lonely, but try to make some friends who don't care what those bullies say. Do whatever you can do to get through this.

You mentioned how you would self-mutilate and vomit because you didn't want to go to school. I want you to stop doing this, because not only are you harming yourself, but you're harming your future. Go to school every day, get the best possible grades you can get. Go to a great college or university. Become your dream. If you want to be successful and proud of your future you have to fight for it. By avoiding school you let the bullies win, you need to face them every day for the next 4 years, you need to get through this, that is how you win.

What Minx said was correct, if they weren't doing this to you, they would just be doing it to someone else. They are the ones with the problems, and sadly you have to be the one to put up with it. Don't ever let the problem continue. Any time you are confronted with bullying take action, tell your teachers, tell your parents, and don't stop until you are satisfied that a solution has been reached.

Like Minx, I too survived, and you can too. If you ever need people to talk to we are here, we empathize with the problems you are going through, and we will do whatever we can to help you through this. Define yourself and be proud of who you are, don't ever let the bullies make you think less of yourself.

Remember, even though they may be popular, they are the defective ones, lashing out at you so they don't have to acknowledge their own shortcomings. You can do this, we know you can.


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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 6:33 pm 
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Hi Metsberse,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Just know that you're not alone, you aren't the first person this has happened to and you won't be the last. Right now you're feeling pretty bad and so would everyone. Noone likes to be made fun of and that is why your so called friends took off when it began to happen to you. It had nothing to really do with you personally; but they were too scared that what was happening to you would begin happening to them, so they had to distance themselves. Remember that what others think of you doesn't make it a fact. You are a beautiful, worthwhile person in your own right. You deserve to be treated with respect.

Now, if your mums anything like my mom she won't let you be homeschooled. So, this is one of those terrible learning lessons that are thrown at you. Please just try to keep your head up (I know it's easier said than done). Something needs to be done about your self esteem. Self esteem is a learned behavior which for you and me is a great thing. Are there any activities your parents would let you do? I know in my area hand boxing has become very popular. That's one idea to help build your self esteem. Basically, anything in your area that has classes or one on one instruction can help with you feeling better about yourself and empowered. I think the key area is for you to like you before coping with the rest.

Those girls are NOT worth hurting yourself over!! Don't give them the satisfaction or the power.

I won't write anymore but I do have more advise I just don't want to overwhelm you. If you ever need to talk about this just let me know. I went through some bashing in h.s. so I can relate.


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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 6:25 am 
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metsberse,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through the same thing starting in elementary through high school. I lost two years of school and eventually finished via a homsestudy program.

The adolescent years can be pure hell, anyway, but when you suffer from abuse from other kids, it can just be unbearable. Give these people ten years, and you will see a big difference in their attitudes (hopefully). I recently hooked up with some people who were, shall we say, unkind to me in school-----they are now great people now that they have aged and matured.

Things will get better. You've got the "right stuff" to get you through-----and you've got this board for help along the way.

Be happy----I'm rooting for you.

Dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:25 pm 
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Hi Metsberse. So sorry this is happening to you. I was bullied too at your age AND KEPT QUIET. PLEASE keep telling adults who will listen that you are being bullied. It is illegal in this country for a school... any school to ignore bullying. Keep telling your parents too. Your mental health is important. If all else fails make a big scene and yell at the person loudly who is bullying you. You might be surprised how many others are being bullied by that same group. They can be arrested for harrassing you, so they need to know that. This is very serious stuff Metsberse. Don't be a STATISTIC...SPEAK UP. hUGS FOR YOU. ((((i CARE!)))


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 Post subject: Re: I can't take it anymore!!!!!(why me?)
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:25 am 
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Oh god I can remember when I was 14. I think homeschooling is not the best idea because you don't learn social skills that you need to live in the world. I think even though you are shy you have a right to defend yourself and stand up for yourself! Not with violence but with a simple ' Leave me the hell alone"! Or just let them know you are done with their crap. I would try to change schools if possible if it is really terrible at this particular school. But would that really solve your problem? The key I belive is to network (safely) find some kids your age who have the same interests as you and even similar difficulties. Having a friend makes everything not as bad because you have someone to talk too. And someone who likes you for who you are!


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