Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Tue Mar 31, 2020 4:15 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 4:00 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 6
Location: Normandy, France
I'm new to BPD (i.e .the realisation that I have it).
I have been looking back through my 48 yrs and writing down events and 'themes' of my life. Some forgotten, some buried.... It's quite an amazing journey and good to shine some light into episodes that can now be explained.

Which leads to the question in the title of the topic. A significant 'face the fact' from this big self-retrospective is that I live a significant portion of every single day of my entire life (since I can remember, maybe aged 4 or 5 yrs old) in a fantasy world.
I can spend hours (whilst at work, in the car, relaxing, in bed) in another world. These are always elaborately built:
They start with an event or divergence from my current life that is highly improbable but, on the other hand, potentially possible. I.e. something happens (win the lottery, my novel manuscript (which does exist!) is picked up by a publisher and becomes a best seller, etc) and my fantasy world branches from this divergence from reality. And then through the course of many months I spend a considerable part of my day in this 'parallel world'. I may have 2 or 3 such existences ongoing at any one time – I simply pick and immerse myself into the one that suits my mood. Old ones will be discarded if the potential possibility that it could become reality is extinguished.
Is this fantasy world is very important in terms of analysing me? I.e. is it a symptom of my feeling a failure? Despite having a good life by many standards, I feel that I should have achieved more. Hard to say that I am a failure, but not a success either. In my childhood, these fantasy lives were to escape what I felt to be a horrible family and life. In adult life it is to escape a mediocre existence (just an ordinary, fat, ugly wage-slave. Instead of being rich, handsome and famous).
And so do I take this fantasy thing to be simply a symptom or result of my deeper disatisfaction with me?
And how to calculate what impact this has had on my real life. If I had only spent those innumerable hours being happy with my real life, being in the present and enjoying my real life, instead of wishing I was someone/somewhere else? Maybe better not to explore this and trigger anger/guilt/regret over wasted time...........

So I would be interested to hear if anyone else lives in fantasy world. Or just any comments.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 5:27 pm 
Community Member
Community Member

Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
Use of imagination is a hallmark of bright, emotionally healthy people.

Does your imagination interfere with today? do you imagine the book on the shelves of the store, but not write (you said you wrote a manuscript) or do you write and imagine the store shelves full of THAT book?

There is a difference :D

What do you think about your imagination? Are you running away? Do you not function? Are you dissociating, numbing, deluding, living in another reality?

Or what part of your life do there different realities occupy?

Surreal


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:33 pm 
Senior Community Leader
Senior Community Leader
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 01, 2005 6:00 pm
Posts: 1059
I'd agree with surreal to the point that if you're able to function in life -- take care of yourself, work, etc. -- and aren't harming yourself at all, your fantasies probably aren't critical, but to spend so much time thinking about and developing and evaluating the potential for success of those fantasies isn't especially healthy, in my opinion. (I'm not a mental health professional, so you can take my opinion with whatever grains of salt you'd like.)

I can relate, because I've had complex fantasies at various times of my life, and they still come up when I'm stressed and particularly when I'm feeling lonely and uncared for. When I was younger (and getting no treatment for my depression or anxiety or BPD) I spent a lot of time constructing elaborate scenarios in which I would be loved and cared for and feel special. I've never specifically addressed the fantasies in therapy, but as I've addressed the underlying issues -- especially the feelings that I'd been emotionally abandoned by my parents -- and pursued drug treatment for the depression, I find myself much less likely to need to resort to fantasy. That's not to say that I've managed to achieve a satisfying relationship in real life that would take the place of what I missed in my family -- I'm divorced, my children are grown and out of the house, and I live alone -- but I've gradually gotten more comfortable in my own skin, accepting of who I am and how I got here, and able to deal with being alone without feeling abandoned. So the fantasies aren't so important anymore.

So I wouldn't beat yourself up because of your fantasies, but it really sounds like you spend a LOT of time on them, and I think it would be good if you explored with a therapist what it is you're trying to compensate for and whether there are healthier ways to do that.

_________________
I made some studies, and reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it.
I can take it in small doses, but as a lifestyle I found it too confining. -- Jane Wagner


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 2:45 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Sat Apr 09, 2011 12:38 am
Posts: 6
Location: Normandy, France
I fully function in the normal world.
I'm pretty much convinced that these other worlds are compensations for the fact that I feel a failure. In these other worlds I'm still me (still old, overweight and ugly ;-), but am successful and have lots of friends.

So I approach it as a symptom of my feelings of poor self-image.
Whilst they aren't obstructing my function in the real world, they are permitting to me side-step dealing with the root cause. Also to check-out of reality, when I should instead be enjoying the reality.

Therefore as part of new journey to recovery, and working with the tools, I am pulling myself sharply whenever I am about to drop into fantasy.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 6:02 pm 
Community Member
Community Member

Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:27 pm
Posts: 568
ahhhhh---

so you function well, but not as well as you would like to? You would like to, if i am inferring correctly, get in shape, lose weight, stay youthful???

Well, can you fantasize yourself out the door for some walks or to the healthy section of the market or a personal trainer or a nutritionist or order a meal delivery plan??? :D :D :D :D :D

Can you make these dreams a reality by joining groups that promote healthy lifestyle and interests you have??? maybe things like free events a a library or meetup.org groups in your area?

What can you do to create the fantasy into reality, one day at a time? One hour at a time?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:40 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Apr 20, 2011 1:19 am
Posts: 1
Hey Golfer, just though I'd pipe up and say that I too frequently find myself escaping to some elaborate fantasy land!

My most common behaviour, particularly when I am single, is to create some "perfect" or "ideal" relationship in my mind. I imagine quite detailed fantasies, down to specific conversations and storylines and everything! I feel a bit silly doing it too but at the same time it can be quite an enjoyable escape. I can usually limit myself to just doing it for twenty minutes or so of down time at work, or when I'm in the car, or when I'm going to bed. Sometimes I won't do it for weeks or months, and other times I go through phases of doing it pretty often!

I think we are just imaginative people who are making up for something we perceive to be missing in our lives. As long as it doesn't interfere with going about your daily life I think it's ok - but if you feel it's a symptom of deeper problems, it may be best to chat to someone about it. I am going to try mentioning it to my shrink next time and see what she says!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 04, 2011 11:34 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:31 am
Posts: 5
I live most of my day in a fantasy world. While I do admit to the fact that a good portion of it is reactionary, it's me escaping my problems, I know a lot of it is just how my mind operates. Yes, I'll slip into a fantasy when I'm stressed. But I also do it when I'm standing in line, doing grocery shopping, or any task that doesn't involve my full attention.

So I guess, if you're still looking for advice, is this. Try and pick and choose your moments. In slow moments, in easy moments, there is nothing wrong with having those worlds. They enrich your life and work your mind.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 11:51 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 12:55 pm
Posts: 170
Location: Canada
I for one have never had an experience like this, but it raises a question with me. For those of you who do fall into these fantasy worlds... do you ever confuse them for reality? For instance Golfer... have you ever gone to a bookstore to look for your manuscript? ChocolateBear, do you ever wonder when your girlfriend is going to get home?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Do you spend a lot of time in a fantasy world?
PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:29 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 6:08 am
Posts: 13
I love fantasy life I love books and movies. I love to be creative and transported to a new world. But I understand I have to come to terms with what is reality and what I need to do in the life I live now. I do belive there is life after death so maybe when I overcome this life the way I should, my next life I will be rewarded! I like to belive in a positive future in life and after death.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 9 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group