Well everyone, I haven't been on the site much in a while. I just find that as of now I'm getting no benefit out of it. In my life right now things are a little mixed, I hate my psych, still haven't had my first therapy session (though that's in 3 days), and have gone through a lot of traumatic events. I've had my son taken from me, and have felt like my world is falling apart. The meds my doctor has me on have side affects that I can't deal with including severely homocidal thoughts, thoughts that are so vivid and graphic they literally scare me.
The next doctor appointments i have with my therapist and psych will determine if i continue with treatment at all. Luckily I tend to be high functioning, even though it goes in cycles, but right now I don't think there is a treatment to cure me, or even help me manage whatever if anything is wrong with me. Doctors have differing opinions, and not a single one of the half a dozen meds i've tried has helped even in the slightest.
I do want to say that I have made a lot of progress in my personal life aside from the hardships I'm dealing with on the medical front. I managed to get over my terrible ex-wife, I've managed to focus on moving forward and developing some ambition to improve my situation. I even met someone who I have fallen in love with. All in all my personal life is improving in spite of my medical situation getting worse.
I do want to thank this website for being here for me when I was completely lost. I can honestly say overall I've incorporated none of the tools and lessons that this site teaches, but the support from the community kept me grounded and helped me from some very depressed times, and many suicidal thoughts. I want to especially thank Raeni who was always there with tough love, kicking my ass when I would act in ways that shame me, and I want to thank XxShixX for being my shoulder to cry on. You guys were friends for me when I had nobody else I could talk to and I am extremely grateful.
I love what this community does, perhaps someday I'll return and try to help some of the other people who have gone through similar situations, but for now I don't have the time or the means to put in the effort here, and I need to focus on myself. Thank you ash for bringing this community together.
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