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7 1/2 years ago something happened that triggered me and I took a massive overdose combined with alcohol. The whole incident culminated in the police breaking down a hotel room door and me almost dying. I don't remember much of it, the whole thing (including the hospital stay afterwards) is probably the lowest point of my life. My ex used it against me to get custody of our son and keep me away from him for several years. I still cannot think or talk about that day without crying and I have probably only fully discussed the entire event with one or two people.

Do things like this ever fade or do you always have to talk about them and analyze them until you are blue in face before the trama fades? My son is almost gown now and we are rebuilding our relationship, my ex is just that, my ex and is not a factor in my life anymore. I have moved on with my life and although I have had therapy and been on meds, I am no longer doing either because I have been told by professionals that I no longer need them. I am very stable, but the memory of that time in my life is still so painful. I just don't know if it will ever go away.

I think you have your answer when you wrote that "the memory is still painful"

The author of The Angry Heart wrote that if we journal about the painful experiences of our past, it helps us overcome the pain. Why don't you try it?

Do you have a therapist that you can talk to about this painful time in your past?

bpdandme,

You experienced something very traumatic. Even though your son is grown, and you are rebuilding your relationship with him the memories are still there. In my own experience, time does heal----perhaps not completely eradicating the memory or the feelings that go with it, but it can make them easier to deal with. The amount of time it takes varies with the person.

I find it very reliving to talk to people about my problems I think that is a great way to deal with it. You have to come to terms with it and realize, you can't change the past but you can make your own future. I always like to talk about my problems to people who have problems themselves or people who are just good at listening, understanding and giving advice.

It is difficult for us to give you advice or help because I have never been through such a traumatic event. Everyone handles them differently. To look on the bright side, you have been able to move on without your ex and of course you knew your son would grow up eventually. You have been able to be medication and alcohol free which is quite an accomplishment as well. In terms of removing such a traumatic event from your memory, that may be nearly impossible to do. I don't mean to discourage, but it is true. It all depends on your personality and willingness to move on. Some people hold on to their past more than others. It seems as if you cannot let yours go which is difficult to hear about. Have you thought about seeing someone about this? If you really want to try and leave this behind, it might take some external forces to help. No one can do this alone. Hope this helps,