Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Fri Oct 19, 2018 5:11 pm

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: Help or advice......confused and needing support!
PostPosted: Fri Mar 23, 2012 3:09 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 2
My wife of 13 years was recently diagnosed with Boderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar 1. We led a pretty normal life until May 2011 when my wife seemed to have become a completely different person.

My wife, has always been very shy, timid, socially introverted but friendly, loving, thoughtful, and dedicated to myself and our children. All of this seem to have changed in May 2012. My wife had reached a breaking point from stress due to her work, our children, and some marital issues we were having just prior to the change.

To get to the point, on January 1, 2012 my wife was acting a bit depressed and I asked her what was wrong. We got into a serious sit down where she admitted to me that since May 2012, she had affairs with 3 seperate men. One was an 18 year old boy who worked under her at a fas food place, the second was a crush from her sophmore year in high school, and the third was her boyfriend before me. NOW, I was the ONLY man my wife had EVER been intimate with since we were 17 years old! She was absolutely repulsed by the thought of other men, or other men even viewing her body, which I was the ONLY man to have ever seen!

During this time period of May until January, my wife began wearing provocative clothes having been conservative prior to, began to go out with friends from high school more and would consume alcohol, alienated away from all of our friends as a couple, spent more time focused on texting and Facebook and lying about who she was talking to. She was consuming alcohol while at work, was less affectionate wiith me and the kids. Her attention span was very short, her temper was short, she became more talkative and outgoing, she began ignoring our children and myself. She traded in our SUV to get a sports car because she said she was tired of looking like a mom. She became a smoker after always being greatly opposed all of her life, she got a tattoo, would take pictures of her self and send them to men from high school and the men she was having affairs with. She was spending more money and not telling me, taking out cash advances through our bank, etc...


After the affairs were brought to light, she told me she wanted a divorce so she could be with her boyfriend from high school. This all came as a shock as I was a super husband. We didn't lack in intimacy, we went on dates regularly, did family nights and went all across the United States, etc...Everyone commented that during this time period, they wished their husbands were more like me on how thoughtful, romantic, and caring I was. She had become lazy thus I was cleaning our home, doing the daily chores, and cooking as well as taking care of the kids!


So long story shirt, her "fantasy" idea about being with the ex boyfriend who lived about 600 miles away and was in the military didn't pan out to well as soon as she found out she was used and he was actually seeing someone already.

My wife was so interested in this guy that when she filed divorce against my wishes because I truly loved her, she knew I was going to contact the hopeful boyfriends superior officer. My wife said to me "Do you want full custody of the kids? I will give it to you if you will leave his career alone". My wife, a devoted and loving mother was actually giving up custody of her kids for this guy! WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

Fast forward...I fight with every ounce I have to keep my wife, but she is strongly dedicated to a divorce because as she put it, she just wanted to be free and go and come as she pleases!

A few weeks passes and her seeing me dating an old friend from high school is not settling well with her so she starts to talk to me about her and I dating. She is over at the house one day and is in the bedroom crying. I ask her, "what is wrong" and she says "I can't believe she used my body". Of course, I am naturally puzzled by her statement and have said all along that the woman she was was certainly not my wife...that everything she did was not what my wife of 13 years would do.

She explains she can't remember hardly anything of the last 8 months including events related to myself and our kids, the affairs, conversations, etc... She has contended this entire time that it wasn't her and even our friends said it wasn't her. She has now totally switched back to the person she was prior to May and is humiliated, ashamed, disgusted, hurt, and many other things in feeling as to the person she became. She is humiliated as to the men she was with as she would never have even taken a second look at these guys to date! Toay, she is conservative again, shy, and loving. She contends that she was not that person and has no memory as to what happened....as a Police Officer, I am very skilled at determining lies from the truth...she is not lying and I know my wife well enough to know that she was a complete different person! Even her handwriting has changed!!!

Today she takes Seroquel XR 150mg in the evening, and Prestiq 50mg durring the day. She was diagnosed with BPD and Bipolar and sees the therapist. Today, she is fighting to fix everything that "crazy" as she calls her did...

My question is that is this typical with BPD behavior, or is this related more to DID? We are both in therapy and she is struggling to make amends with everything. She hurts for herself because the person she became wasn't her an she said that she had no control over her nor can she remember anything she did. She doesn't even remember filing for divorce!!! Any advice or support is appreciated. This was the abbreviated version of the last 8 months....

BTW, she reports no history of child abuse, sexual abuse, etc... I can tell you that she grew up in a very abandoned home with no loving affection, no line of communication, no parental support. Her mother has also been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 as has our daughter.....Any advice or support appreciated!!! Thank you :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Help or advice......confused and needing support!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 5:44 am 
Community Member
Community Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
Posts: 819
Location: sarasota
Hi Hubby,

I'd like to welcome you. This is a board for people with bpd, but there have been family members come here as well. I'd just like to give you some hope that it is possible for your wife to recover with the proper motivation and treatment.

I wish you and her well. I know there are support boards for loved ones, but I don't think I know of any I would want to recommend. They tend to be a tad pessmistic about recovery. Stick around here and see how we work. and maybe you will get some hope....at least I hope so.

dagwood


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Help or advice......confused and needing support!
PostPosted: Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:18 am 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:48 am
Posts: 421
Location: Brampton
Hi Hubby,

It's a wonder that you've stood by your wife throughout this. You must love your wife very much. It's good that both of you are in therapy because you will need to learn how to make healthy boundaries in the relationship and take care of you.

Honestly, I've heard of these kinds of episodes. Promiscuity, over spending, losing interest in loved ones, and household duties. The thing I haven't heard of is the lack of memory of it. That's not to say that that isn't the case with your wife.

I'm glad the episode is over and that your wife is getting help. Hopefully the help will mean no further episodes because "I don't remember" will lose it's acceptability over time. People, even people with BPD and Bipolar, need to take responsibility for their actions in order to work on them.

I'm glad that you're standing by your wife. It sounds like this was her first episode and that it must have been as confusing for her as it was for you. She does have the capability to heal and be the wife and mother she always was before the episode. She has the advantage of knowing that she has a problem now and with work and possibly med's she can take the steps needed toward wellness. BPD and Bipolar are not easy illnesses. My heart goes out to her and to you while you both struggle to heal.

All my best, Luna

_________________
"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Help or advice......confused and needing support!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 12:13 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 2:23 am
Posts: 2
Luna,
Thank you for the words of support. This is a tough time for both of us and our family. I do love and adore my wife, however I am not a gluten for punishment and therefore would have continued on with my life taking care of our kids should she not have made the comments or motions that she has. The memory loss extends much beyond just the affairs, but to family events, holidays, etc.. She doesn't remember conversations, events, going places, or even filing for divorce against me. This is indeed a strange ordeal that is being treated by professional therapists. She was diagnosed BPD but meets the criteria and dissociative amnesia connected with D.I.D.

She has returned back to her normal self prior to the episode after a couple weeks of medications. She has acknowledged that she has a mental illness that affects her and those around her. She feels absolutely humiliated, victimized, scared, ashamed, lost, and confused about the episode. She did things she would never normally have done, acted in a manner that was completely opposite her host personality, and was on the verge of giving up her family which was the most devestating for her being as close as she is to me and her children.

She has accepted that she is the victim of a "split" or multiple personality. The therapist agrees with this and is digging more into what her childhood was truly like from supressed memories.

This is a tough road and had she not been diagnosed or had i not known her for 13 years and knew that something was very wrong with her personality, I would have walked away. However, I made a vow that stated in "sickness and in health" I should remain with her, and love her. I am standing to my oath and helping get her healthy.

Hubby (Still confused) :)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Help or advice......confused and needing support!
PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:29 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:48 am
Posts: 421
Location: Brampton
It sounds like your wife has a great support system in place now with the professional care and her family standing by her. That's so important. She has more than just the mental illness deal with right now. She needs to find a way to forgive herself for her actions and get past the shame and humiliation.

I wish both of you the very best on your journey. I believe your wife can get significantly better with the treatment she's getting and medication.

Luna

_________________
"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group