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 Post subject: Anorexia
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 9:53 pm 
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I've struggled on and off with anorexia for years.

Anorexia seems to be less common that Bulimia and Binge Eating among BPDs which I find weird as I can totally see after a lot of thought into it how my anorexia completely stems from my BPD.

I see being thin as being fragile. Fragile means you have to treat the person carefully, be nice to them and you can't just leave them. I think I starve myself so people can see on the outside how fragile I am on the inside.
It also has a lot to do with being an inadequate person, getting thinner to be a better one. And I do genuinely think I'm too fat too despite always being underweight.

From those feelings anorexia completely took hold and I have that disordered thinking constantly.

I've only been severely anorexic once. The rest of the time I flip between losing weight and fasting then my mood changing and me binging.

I still want to be thin more than I want anything else. While my past with anorexia is on my medical records I deny having any of those feelings now, dismiss it and say I'm totally recovered and lie through my teeth about it. I'm a good liar. Even though I'm going into treatment I don't want to tell anyone about my eating disorder. I'd much rather get thinner.

Any other anorexics?

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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 9:18 am 
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Storme,

Why do you feel you're an inadequate person? You're here trying to get well, and to me that means you are quite a wonderful person......you are trying to help yourself have a good and happy life...something you deserve.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 10:49 am 
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I don't know if I would classify myself as an anorexic. I've never really starved myself or fasted, but I too suffer with the same mentality as you in that I desperately want to be thing even though I'm not overweight. While I don't fast I definitely do limit the amount of food that enters my body, and even started taking pills that suppress appetite so that I don't feel hunger pains because of it. It's extremely unhealthy and I know it needs to stop, but because I want to be thin so much I feel that it's more important that I continue this unhealthy behavior. I know this thinking is wrong, but I still continue to do it and don't want to stop.

I wish I had some advice on how to overcome the problems you have, but unfortunately I have not realized it as of yet.


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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 10:43 am 
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I'm not sure what eating disorder I would be classified with, but I definitely have a lot of difficulties eating regularly. I haven't eaten for at least a day now, because I just feel too guilty, anxious, and fat. I was once obese after gaining a bunch of weight while on Zyprexa in high school, and dropped about 80lbs over the course of several years. Now, for the first time in 10 years, I'm just "overweight", and even though I'm told by a lot of people that I am physically very beautiful, I look in the mirror and I feel hideous, because even 80 lbs later, I'm still heavy.

Normally I eat very healthily without restricting my calories too much, and I exercise... but sometimes I just go through these phases of thinking about the concept of, say, eating a whole sandwich... and I just can't. Then I usually break down and binge, sometimes gaining weight from it. Or I eat something realistically reasonable, like 2 handfuls of chips, or a fast food burger, or a bag of popcorn, and I feel like I'm binging horribly and stop eating again.

I would love to say that my weight loss is from taking care of myself, and that' I've really earned it... but truthfully, it's just years of shameful starvation. And on the one or two occasions that I confided my struggles to someone, they didn't take me seriously... because I am still fat. :(


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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2012 12:47 pm 
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^ That's probably EDNOS (easting disorder not otherwise specified) or Anorexia. Probably anorexia due to the huge weight loss.

I'm not too bad with it these days because I eat raw food. I will freak out of I eat something that's not raw. Especially things like fast food, junk, chip shop food or take-away.

I still feel bad if I eat loads of nut heavy raw food or something that's really high in fat. I tend to eat veg and juice fast a lot and I never feel too hungry.

I definitely feel a very strong need to be thinner still.

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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:09 am 
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I went into the school cafeteria today, grabbed an apple and left, because I was so nervous, and there was no room to sit alone...

Then when I got back to my room, I had a frozen mini pizza... I feel so mad at myself for eating that.


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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 3:47 pm 
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I used to be one of those girls who could eat anything and still be a size 3. Yeah.... then I turned 25. I'm at my heaviest now. I wear a size 12 and I hate it. But I don't do anything about it. I eat like crap. I don't work out (which I am trying to change). I'm on Zyprexa, so I'm sure that doesn't help. It's funny 10 pounds ago, I wanted to be 10 pounds lighter. Now, I want to weigh what I weighed 10 pounds ago. And I know when I look in the mirror, what I see is distorted.

So, whatever you call my food issues, they suck. But I now that I'm probably "normal" in my worries about my weight. So many people obsess with perfection. And I know to me, skinny is perfect. Eh. Now I want to go work out. LOL. Hey, that's probably a good thing, right?

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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:25 pm 
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Storme,

How have you been doing lately? Haven't heard from you in a while.


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 Post subject: Re: Anorexia
PostPosted: Sat Oct 20, 2012 8:00 pm 
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I can definitely relate to you. I prefer to be thin because I also feel fragile. I remember losing a lot of weight once because I was trying to punish my mom. I got down to 90 lbs and they were not even worried. Then I spent a few years just undereating & counting calories and occasionally bingeing, but still maintaining a weight of under 100 lbs. I'm now a healthy, normal weight, but I feel better when I'm lighter.


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