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 Post subject: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2012 8:04 pm 
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I just feel so lonely sometimes... I have quite a few friends, but it has been so long since anyone had any romantic interest in me. I want so badly to love and be loved... and I feel like I'm not good enough because I'm not. I pick myself apart for physical and personality flaws... Maybe if I lost another 20 lbs, I would catch someone's eye. I'm told that I'm attractive, but it seems that everyone just wants to sleep with me... no one wants to actually be with me. *sighs*

Sometimes I just feel like love isn't real, or it isn't for me, and I don't know how to tell myself that I am worth love and I will find someone special.


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2012 6:12 am 
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Mask,

I can relate. I didn't believe I would find somebody to love or to love me....this was something that other people had, but that I would never have. I have always remembered a Sammy Davis song....probably long before you were born, ha,ha. But, it says a lot, at least to me, about relationships....and that is you can't be right for somebody else if you're not right for yourself. It sounds like you feel you are unloveable. BUT, are you really? To me you sound like a wonderful, caring person who so much wants to have the wonderful life you deserve.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:50 am 
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PrairieLady,
I used to have a terrible problem being alone at night....just allowed me more time to think and ponder....not always a good thing. Do you have any activities you could do that would tire you or something to distract you a bit from your thoughts?

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 8:05 am 
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PrairieLady,

It does like a difficult situation you're in right now. Does he have any plans for a separation/divorce from his gf/wife in the near future? You say you are "pretty sure" you're in love with him.....that sounds a tad tentative to me.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Fri Apr 27, 2012 11:10 am 
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PrairieLady,

Geeze, that does sound really difficult. I've been in a similar "other woman" situation myself... Are there any ways that you can maintain an emotional distance for now, but not cross him off entirely for the future? Sometimes, the combination of hopefulness and acceptance can be surprisingly peaceful... and I tend to forget that time really does improve most of our troubles.

Another thing that might work is to ask yourself "Is this helpful?" because even though it feels good to be close to someone who seems to understand your mental illness, it might not be what you need. (Though, I'm not you, so I can't know.)

Night time is very difficult for me, as well... I have finally started to feel more comfortable with sleeping alone. (Realistically, I sleep much better now, without having to worry about someone snoring, tossing and turning.) However, there are just some nights where it feels as though the rest of the world has gone to sleep, and I'm the only one out there. As cliche as it sounds, I have been working hard to really love myself and the time I spend alone... to see it as something valuable rather than depressing.

Mask


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:26 pm 
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Yep, weekends are more difficult for me too.
Understand about the tsunami as well
dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 5:31 pm 
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Ouch. That's rough.

Weekends are hard for me sometimes, too... A friend of mine has a lot of parties, and I go to most of them, and am friends with her roommates as well. Tonight she will be out of town, but her roommate still wanted to throw one. I sent him a message like half an hour ago to see if it was still happening... no response. I feel snubbed. :/

Part of it was that I sent him an awkward facebook message shortly after breaking up with my ex, so maybe I'm being oversensitive... I was desperate for attention, but told him that if he didn't feel that way about me, not to worry because I didn't want things to be awkward. He never responded, but has been acting interested and sometimes goes out of his way to see me, which is the part that completely confuses me. I hold myself back rather than flirting because not responding definitely seems like a rejection. It's odd.


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:22 pm 
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Mask,

I think you are wise to hold back until you are really sure what his intentions really are. As for not hearing from him yet, there are all sorts of things going on that could prevent him from responding.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:44 pm 
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Yeah, I was definitely worried about nothing. He said I'm more than welcome to come over. :P


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2012 6:48 pm 
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I'm glad, Mask....have fun


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:26 am 
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Weekends are harder for me, too. There's nothing on TV to distract myself with. I plan to do laundry and clean the kitchen to take up some time.

Sorry to hear you're in so much pain, Prairie. Being the "other woman" is a second best place to be.

_________________
"I'm loved. I can't forget that or take it for granted. I'm going to be here and be taking advantage of every resource that I can find in Brampton. I WILL heal. The pain will subside. I have a future full of possibilities. I just have to fight tooth and nail to make it there."


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 9:30 am 
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Weekends are pretty rough for me too.
I usually end up spending all my time with my parents at home or just laying around and sleeping.

PrairieLady
I wish I knew something better to say, it really sounds like you're in a tough spot being the "other woman", I hope that things can be sorted for you.

Mask,
The issue with love is definitely something I can somewhat relate to. After all these years of trying and looking, my psychologist says I just convinced myself that it's okay to never find anyone to love or be friends with. It could just be a matter of time until a love interest comes around for you, or it really could be anything! And I think it was really smart of you to reach out and send a message via Facebook to the man you liked, I also think its good that you're holding back until you know his intentions. You should feel proud! :)

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"And suddenly... I felt nothing."


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 Post subject: Re: Coping With Loneliness
PostPosted: Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:18 am 
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Rawiyah,

The college that I'm at currently (and graduating from shortly! phew!) is 70% female. It's not a very good ration when it comes to finding someone I'm compatible with! I guess I am a little picky, as well... I'm not attracted to that many people, so unfortunately I have turned a lot of nice young men down. I'm just not feeling very positive about finding someone in my home town, either. I really think I need to set some socializing goals!

The person I liked wound up at the party with a girl he was very evidently involved with. I don't take it personally if he isn't attracted to me, so it wasn't a big deal. We're still friends and have fun together... I think it was actually a kind of nice way to strengthen our friendship last night, since his roommate wasn't around, it's the first time I've been over to visit him and not her.

Plus I didn't make any drunken mistakes! So that's a bonus. :P


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