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 Post subject: kind of been diagnosed with BPD
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 12:22 pm 
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hi, im new here,
iv had problems with my mood since i was a teenager, im 27 now. i saw a psychologist years ago who said she thought I had BPD. when i moved here i said to my gp that she had thought i had it, and she said she didnt think i had it because i was too nice! then the other day i went and saw her and she said yea she thinks i have it. said im nice underneath, so basically just not on the surface!
i used to think it made sense but now re looking at the criteria it makes even more sense.

iv always had probs maintaining relationships. i never tended to have problems making friends and getting on with people, but could never keep friends or not close ones anyway. i tend to fall out with everyone, and one minute i want to isolate myself and the next i dont and by then its too late because everyones fed up of me. i tend to take things really personally and then react strongly to things. i get so upset and suicidal basically if someone upsets me. I also have gotten attatched to people in the past and struggle to let go of people.
lately iv been feeling like everyones against me and everyone hates me, which they do. sometimes when iv been really distressed iv had episodes abit like hallucinations? where one time i thought the trees where trying to get me, and another i thought there were all these eyes in the bushes looking at me. (sound totally crazy now). i had en eating disorder when i was younger for 5 yrs, and i used to do self harm and iv taken overdoses before and things.

anyway, i said to my psychiatrist about it and if she thought i had it and she said yea she thought it would make a lot of sense. i said i felt relieved in a way that someone was acknowledging something was wrong and that theres an explanation of sorts to why im so up and down and my emotions are so intense. but it seems to be quite resistant to antidepressants, and treatment. i had years of counselling and none of it did any good. antidepressants dont seem to help, but i found one that helps me sleep, thats about it.

i suppose one of my main problems now is when someone upsets me i just automatically think.. they hate me, everyone hates me, i hate myself and then (suicidal thoughts). its like it just flicks a switch and the thoughts run away with myself. i tried cbt before, i dont know if it helped, i really liked my therapist but then when it came to an end it was so difficult and i got so upset. so i dont know.

do any of you guys relate?


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 Post subject: Re: kind of been diagnosed with BPD
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 5:51 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 6:12 pm
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Location: sarasota
Welcome Amy,

Glad you've found your way here. I think many people don't really have a very good understanding of the complexity of bpd and think it involves only features that are negative. I'm sure there are many therapists who don't really understand it fully.
It is certainly possible to recover and live a wonderful and full life.

Look around this place and please post as often and wherever you like.

dagwood


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 Post subject: Re: kind of been diagnosed with BPD
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 2:50 am 
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amy100 wrote:
i suppose one of my main problems now is when someone upsets me i just automatically think.. they hate me, everyone hates me, i hate myself and then (suicidal thoughts). its like it just flicks a switch and the thoughts run away with myself. i tried cbt before, i dont know if it helped, i really liked my therapist but then when it came to an end it was so difficult and i got so upset. so i dont know.

do any of you guys relate?

hey hey amy
you know what's one of the problems of us folks with bpd? we tend to think in black and white. As in either the person loves us or they hate us. There is nothing in between like they are upset with us BUT still love us.

Hence when ppl are upset with you, you automatically assume that they hate you, it's coz of your black and white thinking. Try to think in the GRAY...


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 Post subject: Re: kind of been diagnosed with BPD
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 4:35 am 
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thanks for the replies. yea i defo think in black and white. sometimes its like im always looking for reassurance aswell that people dont hate me.
Then its like i want to be on my own but i dont want to be on my own. its all so confusing. then when people go out without me i get upset.
i seem to fall out with everyone. I have one friend (in total) and also shes my only friend left from school, i fell out with everyone else. i always think its their fault, but i seem to fall out with everyone. Anyway the only reason i think i still have this friend is because i dont live near her at the moment and so dont see her much. also shes pretty easy going. but could never talk to her about my feelings or anything that was going on.

im trying not to be so impulisve and react to things. i think maybe now i know more what im dealing with i can try and think first? might see if there are any good books to help me understand abit better.


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 Post subject: Re: kind of been diagnosed with BPD
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 7:32 pm 
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Amy
you could try the tools on the tool bar...
you could look into Five Steps, Twisted thinking and how to untwist our twisted thinking, etc etc

all the best!


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 Post subject: Re: kind of been diagnosed with BPD
PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 12:32 pm 
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thank you, i will!


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