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 Post subject: Need advice from people with BPD on relationship
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 1:31 pm 
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I had posted on this board probably a year ago. My boyfriend and I split up at that time and just got back together again a few months ago. I was positive from everything displayed before that he had BPD, but we missed each other and decided to try again. Everything was going great - he is semi-retired, wanted to work my business with me, had great ideas. He introduced me to his neighbors and friends, and it seemed he had recognized what he had lost in me. Well, here we go again..right at the 6 month point of the relationship, wham - he doesn't want a serious relationship, he is a "horse that cannot be bridled", he is drinking again, sending texts from my workplace and hiding them from me. That's when I said enough, and stopped the train in its tracks. This businessman, as soon as the weather gets warm, wants a Harley chick, not a professional woman, and wants to have his cake and eat it, too. I said you are not going to use me for my benefits once again and play around since the toy has once again lost its fancy. Texts went from I don't love you, to how dare you assassinate my character, to you have good qualities as a person and I am hurting too, all the way to rage. My possessions were driven to a competitor's place of business and dumped there for me. Good thing I am on pleasant terms with them. Last text - I never want to speak to you again. Well ,here I sit wondering what in the world??? Can someone with BPD please, please explain this behavior. I so need an interpretor, as I am hurt, confused, can't work, and depressed. Thank you for whatever you can decipher for me.


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 Post subject: Re: Need advice from people with BPD on relationship
PostPosted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 7:36 am 
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Hello,

I feel a lot of sympathy for you. Hang on there. I think the best advice I can give is - it's the BPD in him, it's clouding the real him (at least I feel this way about myself) - so try not taking things personally, view it as something technical or, I don't really know how to say this, just try to approach this problem from an analytical point of view rather than emotional. Sorry, english is not my first language.

Now, you asked for explanation, right? I personally think that to conquer BPD, one has to want to control one's feelings and response to one's feelings. When I really want the relationship to work, I would put in more effort to shut down my anger, ignore my unreasonable emotions. But trust me, that gets REALLY tiring. It's infinitely easier to just go 'fuck it' and let the emotions take control. I can't say for sure, but I think your boyfriend got tired after 6 months. Not of you, but of trying to be that reasonable, normal person. I realize this seems contradictory to say that BPD clouds the real him and then saying the nice part of him is what he tries to be, but what BPD does is it really puts a lot of anger, fear, discomfort, and sadness in us, and when that happens, some of us deal with it by being unreasonable and mean.

That's all I can say. I swear, all of us wish we did not have BPD. I don't know if my reply offers you anything at all but I hope you're going to feel better soon.


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 Post subject: Re: Need advice from people with BPD on relationship
PostPosted: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:28 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
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top knot,
One of the things that folks with bpd have is black and white thinking. Meaning one moment they love you, the next moment they hate you. That could be happening with you boyfriend.

The rage is part and parcel of bpd. Somehow folks with bpd have lots of anger and rage inside of them, which usually gets unloaded unto their loved ones or those close to them, unfortunately.

is your boyfriend undergoing any therapy?


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