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 Post subject: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:59 am 
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One of the greatest things about waking up everyday is that there's always something new and even if it's bad I try to tell myself that it's a learning experience, don't play the victim, learn.
HOWEVER. Today I am in just such a funk that I can't seem to pull my way out of it.

My best friend of 16 yrs has walked out on me. She has her reasons for doing so and even though she has those reasons, she's never once along the way stopped me and addressed them with me which enabled me to make further mistakes. She wanted space so I gave it to her.
I haven't seen her in a few months and sent a text that was short and sweet to just say hello.
She hasn't responded and I didn't expect her to.

There's literally no one else. I've mentioned my condition to those that I thought genuinely cared about me and they've all distanced themselves as well.

To top it all off, I'm an Empath, which has me questioning many instances where feelings may have not been my own. To a fault, I'm the kind of person that would give you the last dollar in my wallet and not expect anything in return. Sometimes this friend took advantage of that fact because she had no one else around and would negatively affect my mood with her own anger.

It's just been such a weird morning and I'm optimistic that things will look better by the end of the day.
I've just got to stop ruminating I suppose.

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“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”

-Zig Ziglar


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 Post subject: Re: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 2:10 pm 
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Howdy Shade and WELCOME to BPDR!

I like the idea you wrote about trying to stay optimistic. Even though some people, and you certainly may be one, are 'tuned in' to the feelings of others, we can't really know for sure what is going on with another person - at least that's been my experience.

At those times I really try to use the tools, especially the Four Agreements, The Five Steps and Separation of Stuff, etc. [sorry I'm out of practice putting in url links :0], and try to remember not to take things personally (so difficult in practice eh?) and not to try to mind-read, etc..

Hope your day improves!

Candle


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 Post subject: Re: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:34 am 
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ShadeOfLoud wrote:
There's literally no one else. I've mentioned my condition to those that I thought genuinely cared about me and they've all distanced themselves as well.


.

i so understand how you feel. I even went to the extent of buying the book, "i hate you, don't leave me" to two of my closest friends. Yet they never even took the effort to read it.

but it's okay. It's okay because we are survivors. We don't need people and their support, especially if they are not willing to support us. Plus, we have each other here on this board.

we will survive. you will survive.


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 Post subject: Re: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:06 pm 
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Thanks for the Welcome Candle. I'll try to use the tools that you mentioned to further my ability to let go and not be dependent upon another relationship.

MereMortal, I've purchased that book too and gave the Rachel Reiland book to my husband to read. Going through this really dampens my perspective on gaining support from anyone! It's something that I guess we all have to learn in order to be well with ourselves and grow that thicker skin to be able to handle others' demands.

I really appreciate both responses, if I can speak freely anywhere, I am grateful that it's here with people that actually "get it" and aren't judgmental.

Thanks!

_________________
“Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”

-Zig Ziglar


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 Post subject: Re: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 1:15 am 
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welcome :)


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 Post subject: Re: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:10 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I know it can seem difficult wanting to give back to others (such as your friend) but it's also important to remember your needs. You cannot afford to give away all of your money otherwise you would be broke and unhappy! We always want to be self-assuring, and if you question your actions before hand then it sounds like following your gut is the right way to go. Nonetheless, there are ways to help you gauge and understand your mind and body. Do you think you have BPD? Although you want to be empathetic (and for good reason as it is a noble trait) there comes a point when it has gone too far. Receiving [ur=http://www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com]borderline therapy[/url] may be the best route for you if you'd like to not have an internal struggle. Should I give or should I not? After a while, these questions can get old and wear you down! I'm not suggesting you have a strong stance for one or the other, but being aware of your thoughts (which you are) is very important. Perhaps take a step back and see where you want to be in the near future. Although this is just a down day, it might not be the only one. Is that right? History often times repeats itself, so being aware of what to look for is key. However, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Rambling on and on isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often times good things come of it.


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 Post subject: Re: Empathic and BPD
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:12 pm 
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I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I know it can seem difficult wanting to give back to others (such as your friend) but it's also important to remember your needs. You cannot afford to give away all of your money otherwise you would be broke and unhappy! We always want to be self-assuring, and if you question your actions before hand then it sounds like following your gut is the right way to go. Nonetheless, there are ways to help you gauge and understand your mind and body. Do you think you have BPD? Although you want to be empathetic (and for good reason as it is a noble trait) there comes a point when it has gone too far. Receiving borderline therapy may be the best route for you if you'd like to not have an internal struggle. Should I give or should I not? After a while, these questions can get old and wear you down! I'm not suggesting you have a strong stance for one or the other, but being aware of your thoughts (which you are) is very important. Perhaps take a step back and see where you want to be in the near future. Although this is just a down day, it might not be the only one. Is that right? History often times repeats itself, so being aware of what to look for is key. However, thank you for sharing your thoughts. Rambling on and on isn't necessarily a bad thing. Often times good things come of it.


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