Home  •  FAQ  •   Forums

It is currently Sat Jun 23, 2018 8:11 am

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: do you have to dissect every small triggers?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 9:28 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:52 am
Posts: 64
Hello,

I'd like to ask some tips on how to deal with small triggers. I find myself getting triggered by quite silly things, every 30 minutes or so when I talk to my best friend. FYI we are both dealing with my BPD together and are working on having a healthy friendship. It is tiring for him and me, and it's a dangerous circle. Something would trigger me, and per our agreement that I address my triggers, I try to objectively describe to him how I feel. Following this, he would apologize or even change his habits to avoid upsetting me, which in turn makes me feel controlling and makes me hate myself, which in turn makes me project these feelings onto him (thinking he thinks I am annoying & controlling), which in turn makes me uncomfortable and him uncomfortable.

So my questions are:
Generally, how do you guys deal with this type of situation?
Specifically, I have thought of addressing my triggers in a journal instead of telling him about it. And then after a while, look back, and discuss the ones I feel are truly important. Any thoughts on this?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: do you have to dissect every small triggers?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 10:25 pm 
Community Member
Community Member

Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:01 am
Posts: 1007
why don't you try that (addressing the triggers in a journal) and see what difference it makes?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: do you have to dissect every small triggers?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:12 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:52 am
Posts: 64
hey mortal, thanks for your reply,

I have been wanting to try but have been hesitant, because so far whenever I bring things up, we more or less are able to settle it, and I usually feel much better after. you're right though, I should just go ahead and do that.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: do you have to dissect every small triggers?
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 2:43 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:08 pm
Posts: 109
If you're hesitant to speak about it in clearly terms, and because you can't get yourself to do it, perhaps it's best you remove yourself from this pressure-filled atmosphere and allow outsiders to fit in. This may sound unconventional and intrusive, but by allowing a third party into the conversation, it might be best. In most cases, therapists are used to speaking in very private worlds and that's why it can be difficult for someone(s) to divulge sensitive information, but if you want to speak more about your triggers, BPD, and how to keep a healthy relationship, taking the leap may be the only way. Hope this helps and you can conquer this challenge!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: do you have to dissect every small triggers?
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 8:01 pm 
New Member
New Member

Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:52 am
Posts: 64
thank you so much, jordan. you're very right and I never considered that before. I will maybe do this with my family and friends if ever the need arises. apart from that, I have also read that if under trigger, a good way to discuss in a non-abusive, non-emotional way, is by discussing the issue in public. this way we BPDers tend to be able to behave better, hence able to think more objectively. just in case anyone needs another suggestion.

just to add a rant: sigh, life with BPD is a painful life.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: do you have to dissect every small triggers?
PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:39 pm 
New Member
New Member
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:00 pm
Posts: 7
I have found through a relationship with one of my few close friends whose issues are very similar to mine we have to be very cautious about examining triggers with each other. It seemed to me when we found we were triggering each other it really put a damper on things to try and work it out when we were both in a place that wasn't necessarily helpful. So we've now developed some key words--ie. "fine" means "feelings in need of expression" (not one we made up, borrowed it from a group leader)--and that indicates it needs to be expressed with SOMEONE ELSE who is not as likely to engage the trigger or become triggered as well. We converse via text at first to "feel out" how we are each doing, and have agreed that an "sorry you're struggling right now" text is more useful than pulling each other into a constant cycle through initiating a discussion surrounding our various "disorders". Yes, it's meant it is harder to get together and there are times I really want more out of the relationship. And yet, it also means the times when we ARE together are much more pleasant because at least one of us is in a healthy place and is really able to help the other individual--or (on rare occasion) we are both in a healthy place and it's just really NICE to be together.

Of course don't know what type of relationship you have with this other individual and if backing off is helpful or hurtful--but I've found sometimes when it comes to relationships and constant analysis less is actually more. I think your journal idea allows for more personal self analysis rather than depending on that analysis coming from the relationship--and then as you said you can narrow it down to what is simply annoying and what is really re-traumatizing and find healthy ways to use the tools to cope with the situation within the relationship--to use BPDR terms you've already begun the general process of HALT.

I've also FINALLY developed the ability to do what my therapist calls "Thanking your mind for that thought". Which means I can take the most horrible, despicable thought (typically about myself), acknowledge it, and then recognize it is my mind speaking and thus not a true reflection of fact--and let it go. This has been successful with all but one trigger. With that one I simply swear at the particular trigger (I am not a person who tends to swear frequently) and move on. Acknowledging it's still a challenge for me, but at the same time not giving it power. It took years and YEARS of therapy to develop that skill effectively, despite the fact my therapist introduced it almost immediately in our relationship. But it really does work when you reach that point!


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 6 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group