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 Post subject: Back For a Bit
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 12:18 am 
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Have not been here for quite some time, perhaps two years. It's been a while, anyways.

I thought I was doing well, seems I just buried things. I'm not happy about having to start all over again. Feels like a slip or failure. Now I have to go back to square one. Again.

I'm scared to death at the thought of dealing with all the garbage I've stuffed down deep. It's like auto pilot just isn't working anymore.

Part of the problem is that I'm isolating badly. I need to be more social. I've discovered not saying a word is better than dealing with whatever emotional issue with another person I might have in the time that it happens.

Second, it's winter time and I'm not doing well with that.

Third, life failures.

Fourth, negative self-image again. I feel guilty about being nice to myself.

For a while, I thought it was time for a tune-up but I think it is worse than that. So, I guess it's time to pull the pin and see what happens.

Lots of catch-up reading to do. Wow!

Ted


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 5:56 am 
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Wanted to say Hi Ted and welcome back to bpdr!

Sorry that the circumstance of your visit are not the best but am looking forward to sharing this process with you all the same. Glad you are reaching out for support quite a big step I think in recognizing some of what is going on for you, breaking out of the loneliness of isolation even via the internet has brought me many skills I can take out and about with me these days.

I am not sure that it is possible with recovery to back to square one, although I can sure relate with those feelings at times some revision of tools that helped in the past can be a really good thing.

Jump back on the bus!

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Great minds have purposes, others have wishes. Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune; but great minds rise above them.-Washington Irving


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 Post subject: ...
PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 2:18 am 
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Thank you.

Just reading the forums is a big help. I've noticed that I have a tendency to hyper-analyze myself and to pick at problems until they look bigger. Now that I'm looking through patterns, corrections and adjustments, I'm realizing there are differences between being unhappy at a situation and making it worse by taking the negative side. I'm really not doing as bad as I thought, I'm just in a sucky set of situations and I'm pissed about it. Oh well.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:44 am 
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I was thinking about you the other day, coincidentally enough. Glad to see you're still bumping around and I hope you'll hang out here with us for a while.

Welcome back, Terrabus!

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 Post subject: ...
PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 5:05 am 
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I hope you were thinking of me in a good way. Happy thoughts are happy. I think Ralph Wiggum said that.

I wish somebody had a magic "happy wand" they could wave around and make everything better. I knew I was screwed when I realized that if I won the lottery, I'd still be incomplete, unhappy and searching madly for something I knew not what.

Tomorrow, I have to draw a boundry between what is acceptable and what is not acceptable at work. That means conflict and I'm not good at those where limits are in place. So, this will be practice. I don't know what I'm practicing for, but if I screw it up, I'll just call it practice and blow it off.


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