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 Post subject: Triggers and Stuff
PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:08 pm 
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I've gotten really into this video game WOW (10 million players). Anyways, I joined a guild, and I found that it just irritated me so much I had to quit. It was full of kids, like from 12 to late 20's, and I was triggering like mad. I think half of the things I was triggering over were considered to be normal things for that age bracket. I couldn't deal with their actions at all. I believe it was bringing up previous situations in which someone who acted like that had molested me or bullied me when I was younger. So I quit and joined a new guild. And I feel a bit calmer, I am just watching things go by now instead of reacting to them. And trying to sort out what is normal and what is not.

Anyways, this whole thing led to me realizing some other things. I put people in boxes - a safe box or an unsafe box. Anyone I don't know immediately goes into the unsafe box, until proven otherwise. Then when they go into the safe box, I feel more comfortable with them and can share things. And I can't stop doing this.

I also realized that i mostly see negative things. If things are positive, I put them into the "problem-solved" box. And work to try to change the negative to put it into the "problem-solved" box, but it's a never-ending battle, because I can always find a new problem to solve. Ugh.

I'm so confused. Can anyone help me sort this out? What is wrong with this picture? Sometimes I think I could go on like this forever without having any idea what I need to change.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:22 am 
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I feel awful. I believe what happened was, I changed some things and felt good about the changes, and then panicked. And got a bit depressed. I thought myself into a confusion.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:45 am 
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Sounds like perhaps you did think yourself into a confusion, Aqua. We can do that so quickly.

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Anyways, this whole thing led to me realizing some other things. I put people in boxes - a safe box or an unsafe box. Anyone I don't know immediately goes into the unsafe box, until proven otherwise. Then when they go into the safe box, I feel more comfortable with them and can share things. And I can't stop doing this.


At first look, I can't see what the problem is with this practice. We all do something similar, I believe. Do you think it would be more appropriate or "normal" to expose our vulnerabilities to people we don't know? They say trust must be earned. I've never heard a strong argument against that notion.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 10:40 am 
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I think it's healthy to recognize that one group is not working for you and to find another group that's more comfortable. This game is a leisure time activity, after all, and there's nothing to be gained by staying in the uncomfortable group. The only aspect of that situation you had control over, other than leaving the game entirely, was what you did....change groups.

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I also realized that i mostly see negative things. If things are positive, I put them into the "problem-solved" box. And work to try to change the negative to put it into the "problem-solved" box, but it's a never-ending battle, because I can always find a new problem to solve. Ugh.

I really identify with that. But again I think the healthy thing is to change things you do have control over and learn to radically accept the things you don't.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 2:52 pm 
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I think I'm second-guessing myself. I see so many people here who are so much more expressive than I am. Maybe it's because they have been through therapy, and a lot more feelings-based stuff than I have. I think I just want to ignore feelings in preference of thought. I'm still just confused of where I'm going I guess.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:54 pm 
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Doesn't seem at all unusual, Aqua. Might feel a good bit of discomfort moving from one domain to the other and back, though. Many see the thinker---feeler continuum as one of the main style preference dimensions of humanoids. Do you have any experience with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)? You can Google it up and see what it says about these two dimensions. One thing it says is none of us are totally static on these dimensions. We move back and forth according to the situations, the people involved, and our experiences. A point they make emphatically is there is no particular right or wrong about these preferences, they just are and we can be effective from many points along the continuum. Have a Google and see what you can find about this continuum.


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