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IBF - thank you for all of your help. This has been a huge struggle for me. Thank you!

If the bulk of what she does is sit, watch, take notes and the bulk of what your T does is talk, lead, share and interact, since you'll start the Group next time with talking, sharing, leading and interacting, does that give you a certain amount of power - not really over H but at least more or different than she has?

BG,
I didn't mean to post and then not come back to the dialogue, but unfortunately I had a physical problem that required a trip to the hospital. Anyway, it sounds like you got some good feedback from others, and you are in a healthier place regarding how to handle the situation with the student.

April, I'm sorry you got sick! I hope you're feeling better!!!!

Ash, I guess I don't look at it as power. I don't actually feel she has any power over me. I don't look at it like that. But when I do think about it, no, I don't believe she has power over me. She has nothing over me. I know it just boils down to me not liking feeling like I'm a specimen, something to be studied. But to me, it's not about power. She's there because my T wants her there. It might be part of her curriculum, I don't know.

When my T first told the Group that he had a student coming in, he at that time planned on leading the Group as a very relaxed DBT group. He said DBT groups traditionally have 2 T's leading it. He said the student would help him during the meetings and give feedback about what she sees, notices, etc. Well, this girl gives no feedback. She keeps totally quiet. When he asks her a question either she can't answer him or gives very basic answers. I don't know where her head is.

When my T talks about things, he'll occasionally say, "when patients come to see someone like me or H"....... as if she's a real therapist. Or "H and I think this.....". Well, I don't know if H thinks anything. She can barely keep on track during the Group meeting. I think he's working very hard to get her to learn something. Originally she was supposed to leave the Group in January and another student would replace her. But he told me he had the other student work on research and H would stay with the Group. That means 2 things to me. Either he doesn't think H is bright enough to work on the research, or she's doing such a poor job that she needs to say with the Group because she's not "getting it".

I also don't feel like I have power if I'm going to begin by "leading" the group. I'm just going to discuss this topic and that will probably initiate more discussion. I'm glad he's giving me a chance to share without interruption. I know she will be listening, but I'm not sure how much she actually listens anyway. She often seems to be in her own little world. I am doing this for the Group and also to help me learn. I really care about the women in my Group - most of us have gotten very close. Some of us have been in the Group since the beginning, a little over a year ago. That's one of the reasons we dont' like having H there - some of us feel she's an intruder. But that said, we have to accept that she's there.

I guess I should start writing down some notes as to what i'm going to say, so I don't stumble all over myself on Thursday. I want to be prepared!

Would you be able to voice this in the group setting? Not as an attack on H or an attempt to run her out of there. Place the focus on "I don't understand, I don't feel comfortable and here's why, please help me understand."

Or has your T already shut down all conversations about H, period?

You know how they say that if you're nervous about speaking in front of a large group you should picture them in their underwear to help you relax? Could you picture H as something? She sounds pretty clueless - could you picture a big DUNCE cap on her head? She doesn't seem to contribute much more than a piece of furniture - could you picture her as a lamp or chair? Since she doesn't really speak much, maybe you could picture her as an animal - rabbit (cute but clueless & totally silet) or frog (slimy but always watching) or something else. Maybe a nickname would help.

You made me laugh out loud! That's funny!!!!

I would not feel comfortable discussing this in Group. And I doubt my T would want us to talk about it in Group. We did have a discussion about it a few months ago. I dont' want to open up a can of worms in Group. And honestly I don't think it's fair to talk about it in front of H. She's pretty uncomfortable as it is and this might make things worse for her. But I do intend to discuss it this Tuesday. I want him to know exactly how I feel. When I tried to talk about it last week I was too upset and could not articulate properly. But I think this week I can. I told my T I know H is not leaving, but I do want to discuss why I feel the way I do.

I think I'll be okay talking in front of the Group, especially if I have some notes. We sit around a table so it's not like I have to get up in front of an auditorium or something like that. And I'm comfortable with all the women in the Group. I want to share with them why I feel the way I do about asking people for help. I don't know if my reasons are very healthy, but I'm going to tell them exactly how it is for me.

Yes, H is the sort of person you can imagine with a dunce cap on her head. I don't know what her plans are for her career. My friend M said she might have a lot of "book learning" but as far as interpersonal skills go, I don't think they're very good. She doesn't articulate very well. She smiles a little and nods her head a lot, which is what I think she was taught in school. But I really don't think she has a clue about how to be a good therapist. One of the women in my Group went to her because her own therapist was on maternity leave. I asked her afterwards how it went. She said H didn't talk to her at all - she (the woman) had to do all the talking. So she doesn't know how to give proper feedback or make inferences or anything like that. To me, she seems like a young girl who would make a good pre-school teacher. Not the kind to take on the demanding role of a therapist. I often wonder why people insist on going into fields which they obviously are not well-suited for. I think that's one of the reasons I don't like her there. She's like a fish out of water. And I think my T knows that and it's why he defends her so strenuously. He's a teacher and is stubborn and doesn't want to give up on her. And those of us who don't like her present a threat to him. At least that's my take on it.

As far as nicknames, I'm not very nice. I sometimes call her The Idiot. I know it's not nice and I only say it to my friend M. I would never say that in front of my T.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to explore my feelings about this. It's very important to me and I really appreciate it!

BG, I think at this point a good exercise would be to try to separate the actual facts from speculation and gossip.

Do you think you could possibly be jealous of the relationship this girl has with your t?